I had a professor in college who would always abbreviate “analysis” as “anal.” on the whiteboard.
Intelligence analysis was “intelligence anal.”, everything else “analysis” was “anal.,” etc.
The classic cricket double entendre:
“The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey”
Although this is probably apocryphal …
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About 15 yrs ago, I was watching CNN and they were covering a human interest competition sponsored by DeWalt tools.
The contest was who could use a hand screwdriver the fastest.
The CNN anchor asked the guy who won: “How long have you practiced screwing”?
I wished he interviewed the guy who won the wrench competition. “How long did it take you to get your nut off”.
Its got the making a great SNL sketch.
If you’re planning a vacation to Switzerland this summer, be sure to check out Crap Masegn (accessible via the Crap Ski Lift) and its neighboring peaks, Crap Sogn Gion and Crap Mats.
Be sure to take a day trip to Crap Furò (a Romansch name meaning “holey rock”) which is at the heart of Graubuenden.
And don’t forget to dine at the world-famous Crap Bar!
“Stroking the ball home”
Carlin again: Roberto Clemente’s got two balls on him.
And – a similar scene – if dining out in Romania, exercise caution with the fish section of the menu: the Romanian for carp, is “crap”.
I’m a store cashier, ringing up purchases. Male customer asks in all innocence and totally oblivion “Is it okay if I reach over and grab a couple of these double A’s?”
I practically turned purple choking back my first response “Those (while pointing to the batteries at my register) yes. These (while pointing to my chest) no.”
Take it from me, double-As aren’t worth grabbing. Bs or Cs make a much better handful.
Shelly Berman once wrote a book called Cleans & Dirtys.
“Mother” is a clean. “MUTHA” is a dirty.
A Fast Move is a clean. A Quickie is a dirty.
B is a clean. P is a dirty.
Lake Superior is a clean. Lake Titticaca is a dirty.
In the book, he coins some new phrases like “clirty.” “A Clirty is a cleaned-up dirty, but since it began as a dirty, it can never attain the rank of clean.”
Examples: Gosh Darn, Holy Toledo, Aw Shoot!, Kiss my Ankle…
“Did you go to the Y and swim?” is a clean. “Did you go the the A & P?” is a dirty.
I read that book, and I’ll always remember this line: A napkin that is dirty is clean. A napkin that is sanitary is dirty.
My user name. It sounds dirty but really isn’t. It is an old Southern word that roughly means “an undesirable person” but is often used in jest. My best friend gave it to me as a nickname in junior high and I know someone (admittedly a white trash trailer park dweller) that uses it as his real name.
If you are a harmonica player you might sometimes “Blow a D”.
Forget where I first saw this:
This thred is really getting inspissated
You are apparently unaware that there’s actually a technical difference between speed humps and speed bumps. Speed bumps are narrower in the direction of travel, only about a foot and a half across. Speed humps are wider, about 5 feet or so.
Sounds like someone had a bit of a hangup on something. :dubious:
One friend’s husband is laying pavers and had to rent a vibratory compactor.
An old sign from a golf course I have nailed to the side of my house.
Kumquat. It’s a two-fer.