Spam e-mail I haven't seen before

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

…though it’s likely to be a variation of the advance fee scam or an attempt to access a bank account.

ROMAN CATHOLIC ARCHDIOCESE
OF LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA USA

I am Rev Joseph Justine the Financial Controller of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles California USA

Are you facing any financial challenges in this period that the world is battling a pandemic and unable to Obtain a loan because of your bad credit status? Do not worry about it.
We give out loans ( Business loan, Personal Loan, etc.).We can help you get out of your financial struggle to overcome financial stress, your bad credit will not be a problem.

Email us for details
Stay Blessed
Rev Joseph Justine

Came from a gmail account that doesn’t come close to matching the name of alleged sender.

Just for the hell of it , < snerk > I checked the archdiocese’s website and lo and behold, there’s no Rev Joseph Justine listed. In fact, the financial department appears to have a secular staff.

Tempting to mess with 'em.

2

Joseph Justine seems an odd name for a Catholic priest. The Church has it’s own money issues anyway…

3

That’s a heck of a name.* I do like the idea of a preacher called “Father USA”. Reminds me of Helen America in Cordwainer Smith’s The Lady Who Sailed the Soul.

*Yes, i’m mocking the author of the spam for their lack of punctuation.

4

So I sent a reply of nothing but “I’m interested. Details, please.” and got this.

ROMAN CATHOLIC ARCHDIOCESE
OF LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA USA
3424 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90010, United States
Tel: 001 213 493 6893

Attention :

We acknowledge the receipt of your mail, you are hereby informed that you have reached the right place to get this loan, as a matter of fact your loan Application to the ROMAN CATHOLIC ARCHDIOCESE OF LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA USA , will be given immediate attention as your information will be forwarded to different departments who are in charge of the loan processing ,your loan will take up to 3 to 4 days to be processed depending on your cooperation in this transaction.

Below are the loan terms and conditions. We are willing to help if only you are a genuine borrower.

                          Qualifications:

1)The Borrower must be at least 18 years old

2)Even with Bad credit, we still Guarantee the Borrower the Loan

3)The Loan Can Be Granted Even With No Collateral Present or available(Unsecured)

4)There is no prepayment penalty.

5)You do not need a Co-Signer

  1. Minimum value of Personal Loan to apply for : USD $ 50,000.00 { FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS}

  2. Maximum value of Personal loan to apply for : USD $ 50,000,000.00 { FIFTY MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS}

  3. Minimum value of Business / Company Loan to apply for : USD $ 55,000.00 { FIFTY-FIVE THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS}

  4. Maximum value of Business / Company Loan to apply for : USD $ 500,000,000.00 { FIVE HUNDRED MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS}

            Loan Agreement:

  5. An agreement signing process must be carried out on this transaction by the ROMAN CATHOLIC ARCHDIOCESE .
    The borrower must be willing to pay back and also sign all documents concerning the loan agreement. The borrower must be capable of re-paying back.

                            Repayment Plan:

Repayment is made Monthly or Yearly depending on the choice of the borrower and The Repayment schedule for a Loan is calculated and sent to the borrower.

                Interest Rate:

The Interest rate applicable to all Loans Is Two percent (2%) per annum

     Loan Transfer:

The Loan Is Transferred to the Borrower via
1)Account swift transfer
2)Courier delivery service/Cheque

All depending on your Choice. If you agree to this, do fill out the loan registration /application form attached in this mail and send it back together with a scan copy of your international passport and driver’s license, Voter’s card

If you are ready to follow the procedure print out the attached form fill it properly and send back to us with scan copy of your International Passport and Driver’s license, Voter’s card

Stay Blessed

Reverend Father Joseph Justine
Financial Controller/ Processing

3424 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90010, United States
(Phone redacted, it went to a deceased person)

PDF form attached with several spelling and grammar errors. (opened in preview)
I’m going to claim my anti-virus won’t let me download it and can they send the form as text in the email body.

5

There will of course be a fee for arrangement of the ‘loan’

BTW, I don’t recommend replying to scam emails from your regular mailbox. Scambaiting can be fun, but it’s best done from a completely separate and disposable mailbox - because when you reply, the scammer will very often add your address to a list for sale to other scammers.

Edit: And of course, never send them scans of documents or any real world information about yourself.

6

Oh, I know. This is actually the first time I’ve ever replied to one of these. For some reason, I get very little spam. Sometimes weeks between. Same with calls and those I always answer, still only get 2-5 calls a month.

7

Maximum business loan to apply for-- half a BILLION dollars? That sounds realistic.

8

Haven’t you heard? The Catholic Church is RICH!!!

That reply I got came in at 9:14pm PST. Pretty late for someone to be in the Archdiocese office answering emails.

9

Never trust an email promising you riches if it does not contain:

“It is risk-free, as all modalities have been put in place for a smooth and successful conclusion.”

or

"Thus, I crave your distinguished indulgence and honest cooperation to guarantee that this mutual transaction will be executed under a legitimate agreement that will benefit you and lend credence to my humble belief in your honesty and trustworthiness.

This shows you are dealing with an upstanding, ethical person.

10

There’s a certain repertoire of psychological tricks that these scammers seem to employ - promising unimaginable wealth is one of them. I suppose for a certain proportion of potential victims, it must press one of the excitement buttons that helps to suspend critical thinking and rationality.

11

The scammers many times seem to use a red seal/stamp—which I suppose makes it all official and stuff.

12

Some of you are far more cynical than you are worldly. Everybody knows that a capital “O” in ‘Obtain’ is a digital signature that ensures the legitimacy of the offer:

Lucky dog. Enjoy your newfound, low-cost wealth !

13

They sent a “form” for me to fill out.
This is what they got back.
The address and phone number are fake.

NAME: Me

CONTACT ADDRESS: 650 Meadow Dr Loris, SC 29569

NATIONALITY: Murican

COUNTRY: Murica

DATE OF BIRTH: February 21, 1960

PLACE OF BIRTH: Myrtle Beach, SC

GENDER: It’s …complicated.

MARITAL STATUS: Nope, Nada

CURRENT POSITION HELD AT PLACE OF WORK: Permantently in barrel

YOUR COMPANY NAME: Nunya

ZIP CODE: 29569

COUNTRY CODE: 1

FAX: Who the fuck uses a FAX these days?

TEL: 843-576-0339

AMOUNT REQUIRED AS LOAN IN WORD, IN US DOLLARS $: Fity tousand

AMOUNT REQUIRED AS LOAN IN FIGURE, IN US DOLLARS $: 50,000

PROPOSED TERM/DURATION OF LOAN: Until you find me

PURPOSE OF LOAN: Hiding out

MONTHLY INCOME: if I had a monthly income, I wouldn’t need a loan.

NEXT OF KIN DETAILS

NEXT OF KIN: No fucking way

ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN: See above

FAX: Again with the outmoded means of communication

TEL: Again, no fucking way

DO YOU HAVE ANY ASSETS? YES NO Not only no but hell no.

IF YES GIVE BRIEF DESCRIPTION/DETAILS BELOW: ………………………………………………………………………………

I HEREBY DECLARE THAT THE INFORMATION GIVEN ABOVE IS TRUE.
Sure enough is. Except where it isn’t.

14

I hate to tell you this but you will not be getting the loan since you didn’t fill out the form properly. It’s a loan from the church, doncha’kno

DO YOU HAVE ANY ASSETS? YES NO Not only no but Heaven no.

15

I think they’re still trying to find Murica on the map.

16

“You know, the sort of information you should never give to a stranger on the internet”

17

You should have seen the PDF, it was way more invasive. And weird.
The required IDs were scanned copies of passport, driver’s license and voter ID card.

18

You had better keep up with the payments on Catholic Church loans, unless you want sinister, heavy-set robed figures ringing your doorbell after dark.

19

I’m guessing you’re referring to Porchious Pirate.

I’d say you cross that bridge when you come to it.

20

I hope they don’t send… The Penguin
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Iq7kzRNE6I/YC0e34LAweI/AAAAAAACnAc/oc3MP2FVLA0RvXtejW-A86rnN-EW844hwCNcBGAsYHQ/w1200-h630-p-k-no-nu/Blues-Brothers-Kathleen-Freeman-1980.JPG