Well, that’s it. Finally the evidence of God I’ve been seeking; enough to prove His existence. Just found in my inbox: “God’s Daily Promises.” From none other than the Left Behind folks. God reveals Himseslf in strange ways, indeed. Who’da thunk it’d come through the creation of evil incarnate, Bill Gate’s very own product, Microsoft Outlook?
“Salvation is available to all, but a time will come when it will be too late to receive it.” And if God is just, as advertised, these folks will be going straight to Hell (should there be one) for this, their salvations rendered null and void.
“Join the Left Behind Prophecy Club.” I wonder how many of the club members could have predicted their Spam would be met with wailing and gnashing of teeth. I have a prophecy myself taken directly from Rev 21:18, “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the Spammers, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”
God does not spam me. She speaks to me directly from the light fixture in the ceiling. She wears Revlon’s Love That Red lipstick and plays a banjo. Her favorite song is * Honky Tonk Woman.*
Uncle Beer, she has a message for you. She said that she holds the copyright on the message you quoted in the O.P. You owe her 35 cents.
I, Derleth, Strunk & White, The Wall Street Journal and all of my Penguin classics say that one forms the possessive of a proper name ending in “s” by adding an apostophe and an “s”. And I’m a V.E.L.S.*
*Viciously efficient legal secretary
God seems to need a new clock. He sent me his “Daily” Promises, not once, but twice yesterday about three hours apart. And I should add, for an omnipotent creator, it’s really disappointing to receive the same promises twice. I guess He’s fallible after all.
