Steve, this is the age of diplomacy. Try using some.
He left his manners back at the fraternity house.
Don’t you go down to the Delta House,
‘Cause the things they’re saying and the things they do
They’re only going to scandalize a girl like you.
Oh, back off, Blanche! Not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port.
Burt Reynolds: Which one’s the slut?
And you’re gonna love Mary Ellen. She’s really smart and cute and funny, and I can’t tell you how I know this, but she’s not opposed to threesomes.
Goodnight, John-Boy!
Tomorrow, just like today
The moon, the bear, and [the Big Blue House
Will be waiting for you to come and play.
Blue Moon Detective Agency. Have things gone awry? Is it solutions you seek? / We’re eager to help, but we’re closed a few weeks. / So if you’re despondent, and your life’s out of whack, / We hope you’re still troubled when we all get back.
The great detective, Remington Steele? He doesn’t exist. I invented him.
Nobody sees Charlie except me. He’s a very private person.
Charlie always orders too much Chinese food anyway.
You got me blacklisted at Hop Sing’s?!
Next time you bling baby home, you bling diaper boy. Hop Sing got no time for changing diaper.
(yeah, I know it’s pidgin English and borderline racist, and we’re supposed to be better than that now… to the point that TVLand even puts up a disclaimer before showing reruns of shows like Bonanza and Gunsmoke. But this is the way the line was delivered, so I’ll be damned if I’m gonna change it.)
-“BB”-
Don’t believe your mother, you believe me. Many is the time I changed you, little girl, and it wasn’t always wee-wee. Sometimes it was this here. [Holds up two fingers]
For the first few years of your life, your mom worked while I was a stay-at-home dad.
Say good-bye to your mom, she belongs to the people now.
Went back to my palace fast
Now I’m the fool walking 'round with the phallus cast
Like Wolverine, I try to be a loner
But they think a [brother] got an adamantium boner
Oh, Hell to the no! Look, I’m not down with all this background singing nonsense. I’m Beyoncé, I ain’t no Kelly Rowland!
Hey baby I hear the blues a-callin’,
Tossed salad and scrambled eggs!