Tell me of your homeworld, Usul.
There’s no place like home.
I was born in space.
I hope life on Earth is everything you remember it to be.
Wait a minute, this is the future. Where are all the phaser guns?
Why didn’t you bring any weapons, something more advanced? Don’t you have, uh… ray guns? Show me a piece of future technology.
Set for pulsar level five, subsonic implosion factor two.
Welcome to Earth!
I come in peace. [Fires weapon.]
We have to strike now, sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!
You wanna conquer the world, you’re going to need lawyers, right?
Let’s wind the clocks back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn’t dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? Did… did your balls drop off? Hmm?
I never fucked anybody over in my life didn’t have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.
Was that a pass?
I wish I knew how to quit you.
You’re a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot.
I know you are, but what am I?
Does the word “retarded” mean anything to you?
Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, ‘Rain Man,’ look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho’. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, ‘Forrest Gump.’ Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain’t retarded. Peter Sellers, “Being There.” Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don’t buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, “I Am Sam.” Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed…
Please don’t underestimate him. He’s just as brilliant as you are. And infinitely more devious.