We belong dead.
The dead know only one thing: It is better to be alive.
Did you ever think of yourself as actually dead, lying in a box with a lid on it? It’s silly to be depressed by it. I mean, one thinks of it like being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account the fact that one is dead, which should make all the difference, shouldn’t it? I mean, you’d never know you were in a box, would you? It would be just like you were asleep in a box. Not that I’d like to sleep in a box, mind you. Not without any air. You’d wake up dead for a start, and then where would you be? In a box. That’s the bit I don’t like, frankly. That’s why I don’t think of it. Because you’d be helpless, wouldn’t you? Stuffed in a box like that. I mean, you’d be in there forever, even taking into account the fact that you’re dead. It isn’t a pleasant thought. Especially if you’re dead, really. Ask yourself, if I asked you straight off, “I’m going to stuff you in this box. Now, would you rather be alive or dead?” naturally, you’d prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance, at least. You could lie there thinking, “Well, at least I’m not dead!”
Your home is a box. Your car is a box on wheels. You drive to work in it. You drive home in it. You sit in your home, staring into a box. It erodes your soul, while the box that is your body inevitably withers… then dies. Whereupon it is placed in the ultimate box, to slowly decompose.
Vice, Virtue. It’s best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you’re bound to live life fully.
You see, this is a moral test of one’s self, whether or not you can maintain loyalty. Because being loyal is very important. So, you’re gonna go out there and you’re gonna say: “Goodnight, I’ve had a very lovely evening.” Walk out the door, get in the car, go home, jerk off, and that’s all you gonna do.
You know what? I respect women! I love women! I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them!
Get away from her, you bitch!
That’s no woman! That’s a man, baby!
Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint.
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much! It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do – go through his clothes and look for loose change.
Well why don’t we harpoon Charles straight through the head, drag him back to the apartment, and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back?
It’s the coackroaches, isn’t it? They scatter when the light goes on!
I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You’re a plague and we are the cure.
We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’ Well, I’m not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot - I don’t want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!
Russians don’t take a dump, son, without a plan.
You think they have threesomes?
And now presenting the cabaret girls! Heidi, Christine, Mouzy, Helga, Betty, und Inge. Each and every one a virgin. You don’t believe me? Well, do not take my word for it! Go ahead, ask Helga! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Outside, it is winter. But here, it is so hot. Every night we have the battle to keep the girls from taking off all their clothing. So don’t go away. Who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!
I’ll be in my bunk.