Well, it mostly involves not dying.
Dying ain’t much of a living, boy.
There’s a separate clause in my contract that says my liver is to be buried separately with honors.
The fire that danced at the end of that match was a gift from the Titan Prometheus, a gift that he stole from the gods. And Prometheus was caught, and brought to justice for his theft. The gods, well, you might say they overreacted a little. The poor man was tied to a rock, as an eagle ripped through his belly and ate his liver over and over, day after day, ad infinitum. All because he gave us fire. Our first true piece of technology, fire.
Anybody got a match?
Was that BEFORE OR AFTER you noticed you were standing in a lake of GASOLINE, YOU IDIOT?
The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like … victory.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking!
When I was 7 years old, my daddy caught me smoking a cigar. Locked me in a broom closet for two days and two nights with nothing more than a box of cigars and a book of matches. No food, Brewster. No water, just those god damn cigars. Wouldn’t let me out till I finished every last one of them. Taught me one HELL of a lesson!
Too late for flapjacks?
I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I’d eat my way out from the inside.
And I thought they smelled bad… on the outside!
That smelll. That gasoline smell. It smells like…victory.
See, I’m a man of simple tastes. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and… gasoline!
Look, we had a deal. I show you the gas, and you let me go, right?
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Well, yeah, man, you see, like, all the tanks we come up against are bigger and better than ours, so all we can hope to do is, like, scare 'em away, y’know. This gun is an ordinary 76mm but we add this piece of pipe onto it, and the Krauts think, like, maybe it’s a 90mm. We got our own ammunition, it’s filled with paint. When we fire it, it makes… pretty pictures. Scares the hell outta people! We have a loudspeaker here, and when we go into battle we play music, very loud. It kind of… calms us down.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking!
It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.
How about some coffee, Johnny?