What’s the matter, don’t you like musical comedy?
It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy. It’s just, you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, you know the way you tell the story and everything.
Laugh it up, fuzzball.
Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh.
nyuk, nyuk, nyuk
Have you ever thought of having your own radio talk-show?
Hi, there. This is Howard Stern, WNnnnnBC. I’m calling because your husband Kenny has been really bitchy around the station lately and we thought that maybe you should give him some more sex.
Shall we shag now or shag later? Yeah, baby, yeah!
Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!
That was no laser blast. Something hit us!
Oh, there he goes off to his room to write that hit song “Alone in my principles.”
Jules, if you give that ?#@*&%’ nimrod fifteen hundred dollars, I’m gonna shoot him on general principles.
Well, we asked for $500,000.
Don’t jerk me off, alright man? Jerk somebody else off, this is bullshit. I need $5,000, not $2,000. Don’t do this to me. I know I ain’t dealin’ with Johnny Bananas, but can I have my money? Can I say it slow for you? Look, I need FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! Read my lips: FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS is what I need! This is bullshit here, I can’t do nothing with that.
Don’t worry, Parker, yeah. You’ll get whatever’s coming to you.
Made it, Ma! Top of the world!
Human beings simply aren’t built to function at the cruising altitude of a 747. Okay, once we get above here, above the South Col, our bodies will be literally dying. And I mean literally dying. It’s not called the Death Zone for nothing.
After 20 years, you analyze a lot. You remember people, heroism. “The Miracle of the Andes”, that’s what they called it. Many people come up to me and say that, had they been there, they surely would have died. But it makes no sense. Because until you’re in a situation like that, you… you have no idea how you’d behave. To be affronted by solitude without decadence, or a single material thing to prostitute, it elevates you to a spiritual plane, where I felt the presence of God. Now, there’s the God they taught me about at school, and there is the God that’s hidden by what surrounds us in this civilization. That’s the God that I met on the mountain.
So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
Don’t fuck with your brain, pal. It ain’t worth it.