I’m more man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever get!
Oh, we’re going to talk about me, are we? Goody.
I have very little time, and so the conversation will be entirely about me and I shall love it.
I wouldn’t change one second of our life together.
I should’ve never gotten on that plane. I should’ve never gotten out of the car.
I should have killed you when I had the chance.
Wait! Nobody kill anybody!
Wait!
Before we put the lad to task
May I be so curious as to ask
His name?
So I thank my girlfriend, Penny
(Yeah, we totally had sex)
It started with a chair.
That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
Well, they’re getting the ratings, I’ll say that for them.
This is television, that’s all it is. It has nothing to do with people, it’s to do with ratings! For fifty years, we’ve told them what to eat, what to drink, what to wear… for Christ’s sake, Ben, don’t you understand? Americans love television. They wean their kids on it. Listen. They love game shows, they love wrestling, they love sports and violence. So what do we do? We give 'em what they want! We’re number one, Ben, that’s all that counts, believe me. I’ve been in the business for thirty years
What can I do? I’ve got to eat too, you know! Does that make me a bad guy?
The guy sure looks like plant food to me!
Hey, this is real smoked salmon from Nova Scotia, Canada, $24.95 a pound! It only cost me $14.12 after tax, though.
Put some under a microscope and you get a close-up look at some writhing micro cooties.
Midi-chlorians are a microscopic life form that resides within all living cells.
Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Do you understand it at all?