I would like at this moment to announce that I will be retiring from this program in two weeks’ time because of poor ratings. Since this show is the only thing I had going for me in my life, I’ve decided to kill myself. I’m going to blow my brains out right on this program a week from today. So tune in next Tuesday. That should give the public relations people a week to promote the show. You ought to get a hell of a rating out of that. 50 share, easy.
There’s this beautiful bridge by my house. I’m going to jump off it.
Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you’ll understand. Sometimes when I’m driving… on the road at night… I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The… flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
Remember driving is a freedom. I wish you to enjoy every kind of freedom… As long as you don’t hurt someone. You promise me?
Oh, I’ve given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgment, you simply have no alternative.
Words. Words. They’re all we have to go on.
A few frilly words and you’re counting ceiling tiles.
Alvy: You seem sorta distant.
Annie: Let’s just do it, all right?
[business]
Alvy: Is it my imagination or are you just going through the motions?
Other Annie: Do you remember where I put my drawing pad? While you two are doing that, I think I’m gonna do some drawing.
I enjoy drawing. It’s a deeply ingrained habit.
But look at me! I’m a nun! I’m a - I’m a penguin!
It looks bad, Batman. This brassy bird has us buffaloed.
– Heavy. What is it?
– The stuff that dreams are made of.
We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lives are rounded with a sleep
Sleep no more! Shall sleep no more; Macbeth shall sleep no more.
You people shut the hell up! I got a wife in an oxygen tent tryin’ to sleep!
Must be hard to concentrate on this case after three days without sleep.
We belong dead.
…Prepare
To see the life as lively mock’d as ever
Still sleep mock’d death: behold, and say 'tis well.
- Hey, every Shakespeare play has been filmed… * ]
Deaths for all ages and occasions! Deaths of kings, and princes, and… nobodies.
Rosencrantz: Did you ever think of yourself as actually dead, lying in a box with a lid on it?
Guildenstern: No.
Rosencrantz: Nor do I, really. It’s silly to be depressed by it. I mean, one thinks of it like being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account the fact that one is dead, which should make all the difference, shouldn’t it? I mean, you’d never know you were in a box, would you? It would be just like you were asleep in a box. Not that I’d like to sleep in a box, mind you. Not without any air. You’d wake up dead for a start, and then where would you be? In a box. That’s the bit I don’t like, frankly. That’s why I don’t think of it. Because you’d be helpless, wouldn’t you? Stuffed in a box like that. I mean, you’d be in there forever, even taking into account the fact that you’re dead. It isn’t a pleasant thought. Especially if you’re dead, really. Ask yourself, if I asked you straight off, “I’m going to stuff you in this box. Now, would you rather be alive or dead?” naturally, you’d prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance, at least. You could lie there thinking, “Well, at least I’m not dead. In a minute somebody is going to bang on the lid, and tell me to come out.”
[bangs on lid]
Rosencrantz: “Hey you! What’s your name? Come out of there!”
Guildenstern: [long pause] I think I’m going to kill you.