We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are.
I have less than six months to live. The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or their island is going to sink into the ocean. They have this mineral your father wants so he hired me to leap into their volcano.
[Psst. 16420]
Marry me…Marry me and then jump in the volcano. What is the problem? You’re afraid of the commitment? You’re gonna have to love and honor me for about 30 seconds. You can’t handle that?
It was a typical wedding: enemies of the bride on the right, enemies of the groom on the left.
Mawwaige. Mawwaige is what bwings us togetwher today. Mawwaige, that bwessed awwangement… that dweam within a dweam…
The first important thing to remember about marriage is that it requires commitment. The second important thing to remember about marriage is that so does insanity.
Why don’t you leave me?.. For God’s sake, I’d almost marry you if you’d leave me.
Marry the man today
Rather than sigh in sorrow
Marry the man today
And change his ways tomorrow.
He doesn’t know it, but before sundown… Mr. Woody Mahoney will find himself betroth-ted to you.
Him? You fell in love with a boy?
I was 15 when he found me. He took me hunting. I had fallen from my horse, and I awoke to Richard touching me. He asked me if I loved him — “Oh, Phillip, do you love me?” I told him yes, and do you know why I told him yes? [with relish] So that someday I could tell you all about it. You cannot imagine what that “yes” cost me. Imagine snuggling up to a chancred whore and pulling your lips back into something like a smile and saying, “Oh yes, I love you and I find you beautiful.” I don’t know how I did it.
You cad, you dirty swine! I never cared for you, not once! I was always makin’ a fool of ya! Ya bored me stiff; I hated ya! It made me SICK when I had to let ya kiss me. I only did it because ya begged me, ya hounded me and drove me crazy! And after ya kissed me, I always used to wipe my mouth! WIPE MY MOUTH!
In the Bed Department, Amos was… zero. I mean, he made love to me like he was fixing a carburetor or something.
We’ll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads, oh yeah.
(Keep talking, whoa keep talking)
A fuel injection cutoff and chrome plated rods, oh yeah.
(I’ll get the money, I’ll kill to get the money)
With a four speed on the floor they’ll be waiting at the door,
You know that ain’t no shit, we’ll be getting lots of tit
In Greased Lightning.
No one will be watching us
Why don’t we do it in the road?
Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.
You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You just gotta say: “Daddy, are you sure this is right?”
Explain? What I’m doing in the bushes with a little boy? With my hands in his pockets? They’d give me 10-20 years.
Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.