The grass is green, the air is fresh, and people everywhere can hardly wait for spring to BREAK INTO MY FUCKING CAR. Motherfucking dumb shits did hundreds of dollars in damage just to steal the stock speakers of a goddamned '85 Buick Skylark and a crappy CD player. Now I have to pay the fucking deductible and waste my fucking time getting the fucking car fixed. Fuck. They got into six cars in the building and got two gatecards. They’ll be back. Fuckity-fuckity-fuck.
But what really ticks me off is that the bastards stole my copy of Led Zeppelin IV! Fuckers. Worthless pieces of shit. Slimebag ass-masters. Motherfucking wastes of skin. Fucking-fuck-ass-fuck. Shit on a goddamned stick.
This sucks more ass than – ummmm – a barrel of ass-sucking monkeys. No, it sucks more ass than a mosquito with a donkey fetish. The only way this could suck more is if the insurance company replaces my stereo with an 8-track and swaps Zeppelin for a copy of Pat Boone sings his Heavy Metal favourites.
I don’t really feel better after writing this, but at least I got to swear a lot. Fuck.