These people are crazy. Uncabeer has a guest vixen in his lap. Auraseer is harrassing Valerie. We’ve got fake English accents abound. Omni has looking for a new CD. Talera is leaning against the wall and directing more drunkenness. I’ve got a tounge in my ear. Who could it belong to?
Update: Alphagene is in the process of passing out on the bed. Val is in an extreme liquor coma and looking for more apparently. Boli is shaking it at the window and Omni is grinding it with her. Many dopers have fled from the carnage. Uncabeer has managed to hold sway and hang. Elelle is supporting me with moment to moment updates of the nefarious activities in the back rooms. Flyp is wondering how in the hell he could have created a gathering of this size in this godforsaken place. Hey that’s a good song, I gotta’ go dance . . . [grind grind grind]
Valerie blaise, reportedly, is the most vivacious hold up in the bunch. Boli is grinding away the evening with Omni. VB is wondering what I’m doing. She is telling me that she is under the sheet, but she’s really not. Uncabeer is wondering if there is a trampoline under that open window or if he is hallucinating that limo is driving by to catch him. Elelle is forever the convenient companion, but is nickin’ for a smoke. A naked woman is now pouring hot oil over my temples. I love Dopers. “Ya’ gotta’ fuckin’ rock out”, Zack. Paradise City is playing loudly on the portable radio. Talera cleaned up the broken glass under sink early from the chaos that insued when Flyp broke a beer bottle, but she’s gone now. I hear knocking at the door. Who could that be?
Oooops. The radio that was playing loudly previously has apparently become a point of contention with the hotel dicks. Uncabeer has now handled the situation with finesse. Elelle has been trying to convince me to use the word aplomb instead of finesse, but Uncabeer and I thought she was talking about the fruit. “If I had my own breasts, I wouldn’t see any of you people ever”, Flyp
Masturbated any ketchup bottles lately?
[bold]DavidB[/bold], I think you got the wrong thread. That sounds like an advertising slogan for Heinz’s new line of sex toys.
pat
Nope, it’s the right thread. After all, peaceful honest people should be able to masturbate ketchup bottles whenever they want!
I just feel sorry for the next people who use that bottle…
I feel sorry for the bottle. What a terrible loss of dignity. A condiment’s wholsome desire to add zest to food has been manipulated to perverse ends. Simply shocking.
Yeah, well, they used to say the same thing about me…
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.
Well, it may not have added zest to food, but it certainly added zest to inertiacakes.
What can I say, I luuuuvvv my condiments.
No doubt the ketchup was tainted down to each individual ketchup atom. Yeah, you heard me – ketchup atom.
“I guess one person can make a difference, although most of the time they probably shouldn’t.”
[EvilShannon] Bite me, Jophiel. [/EvilShannon]
Ketchup bottles aside, remind me to tell you about what I saw a stripper do to a bottle of milk one time.
What a skank.
Gypsy: Tom, I don’t get you.
Tom Servo: Nobody does. I’m the wind, baby.
This thread casts whole new lights on the “ketchup wars” of the old board.
Ah, if Stevicus could only read here now . . .
-Melin
Who is NOT Straight Dope Staff
Siamese attack puppet – California
Alpha: Did the stripper use the ketchup on a piece of veal? 'Cus that’s just gross.
EvilShannon: Here’s some coffee (with milk atoms in it).