Many times, after I’ve drank a beer, I’ll experience these stabbing pains on both insides of my cheeks. It’s right near the corners of my jaw, a couple inches under the ear. I drink a little bit of water, maybe slosh it around, and it stops.
It’s some friggin annoying shit. It only happens after drinking one beer.
WTF causes this phenomenon?
To clarify the problem, can you drink more than one beer and the problem stops? Or do you always stop after 1 beer.
How cold is the beer and the water?
WAG-bad teeth inflamed and the cold is hitting sensitive spots.
If it doesn’t feel like dental pain, I would guess a spasm in the salivary gland.
I would love to know the answer to this as well. The same thing happens to me. It only seems to happen with beer in a bottle and only once in a while. Shooting pains right up both sides of my jawbone up to my ears. Never heard of anybody else having this happen to them.
osmotic pressure can suck water out of cells and teeth, this can cause a sensation if near a nerve.
Periodontal disease > teeth sensitive to temperature changes.
Temporal-mandibular joint disorder
Bilateral parotid gland tumors impinging on facial nerve causing muscular spasms during periods of increased salivation. I know how many things are wrong with this.
Parotid gland occlusion from mucus plugs.
Knives in your beer.
That was my guess also. Try eating something very sour (like a bit of lemon) and see if you have the same sensation.
Looking at this diagram, it seems to be coming from from around the parotid gland. Why should beer cause my gland to spasm?
Never happens with multiple beers. But then again, if I’m drinking multiple beers, then it’s usually some light crap beer. Could make a difference.
Happy to have company. Wanna start a support group?
Sounds like salivary gland spasm to me too.
But beer isn’t normally sour.
You’re not alone; this happens to me with both wine and beer, but never other alcohol. Only occasionally, but often enough to be annoying. I have noticed that it happens more when I’m dehydrated; drinking a lot of water seems to help.
That one gets my vote! 
This happens to me, too.
I always thought it had to do with what I was eating, and maybe it does, but the only constant seems to be drinking beer.
Anecdotal, of course, but I am happy it’s not just me.
I’m curious…does it happen with orange juice? I get something similar, usually with virtually only OJ, and it can happen before taking the first sip! Must be that salivary spasm someone mentioned above. I’ve always wondered about this.
I think it’s important to know what kind of beer you all are drinking!
I can’t believe with all the internet’s wisdom this hasn’t been obviously solved. I too get the same sensation. Right now with a Blue Moon seasonal. When does the support group meet? 
I tend to get this with certain types of beer, like Tecate in a can or cheaper canned beers. I thought tannins were the culprit.