I just got done embarrassing the hell out of myself:
Two people approached my desk at the same time. This happens somewhat frequently at work, I’ll be dealing with someone’s problem and someone else will be lurking nearby, waiting their turn. So I focused exclusively on the person who was talking, and when she described her problem, I rudely exclaimed, “God, don’t let So-and-so hear you say that; she will shit her pants.” Guess who the second person was.
I kept on talking with an unwonted amount of energy, frequently looking So-and-so spang in the eye, to try and play it off as though I had known she was there the whole time, but o:o:o:o:o.
You are new, right? I assumed so because you seemed confused by everything. I have never had anyone take 6 minutes to put an (already fried) egg on a bagel for me. You suck.
One of my cats, Rascal, needs to go to the vet for his shots. Unfortunately, as soon as I take out the carrier my cats dash under the bed. More precisely into the bed, since the fabric on the box spring is torn, allowing them to climb up into it and making it impossible to drag them out. I took his brother Mischief in two weeks ago by using a little trick: After putting out their food in the morning I closed the bedroom door while they were eating, eliminating the bed as a potential refuge. Unfortunately, Rascal seems to have figured this trick out, since every weekday morning he hasn’t come out to eat. Saturday and Sunday, when I can’t take him to the vet, he’s right there while I’m opening the can, of course.
No, I will NOT donate 10% or more of my yearly salary to the United Way. I don’t give a rat’s ass if I’ll get a special parking spot for doing so, and I really don’t care if we get a prize for highest department participation. I have a list of charities I give money or time to - I will not give my money to a charity I despise. I freaking hate United Way season. Grrr…
Can’t speak for overly, but I’ve worked in places where the pressure to donate was very high. Shame and public questions were common tatics to get people to donate. And when I say “people”, I mean sad little worker bees making less than $40k/year.
I hate the Untied Way too.
I think it was the “ask for the moon, settle for a cookie” asking technique so beloved of six year olds.
kaylasdad99, United Way is like a charity broker. They take your tax-deductible money and distribute it various charities after they scrape off a considerable percentage for “Administrative expenses” Please refer to Charity Navigator for your local United Way or another reputable source before donating to them (or any charity).
Nah - I believe that’s how much one of our “winners” at work gave. Her prize was a special parking spot near the senior execs (who are rarely ever there anyway) for one month. Whoopee.
It wouldn’t be a mini-rant thread without me bitching about something.
I pull up to my driveway, but there’s a lady walking her little yipmutt just at the edge of the driveway. She and yipmutt stop. I open the garage door - she looks at it, looks at me - then waits for her dog to take a crap in my yard. She continues to walk on WITHOUT CLEANING UP THE CRAP. I yelled at her to pick up said puppy presents and received a finger salute in response. Gah.
My dear Bernie cat. We all know Jesus signed your yearbook, you’re such an old ball of fur. It’s the ball of fur part that’s causing problems. Why you have decided grooming yourself is not necessary, I don’t know, but it’s wreaking major havok with your fine fur. So sit still while I comb you out. Stop trying to jump off the counter, you’ll break your damn hip - cat or not. I will take your ass in an get you a lion cut if you don’t stop.
The ex-asshat, Emo, decided to quit paying child support over a year ago now (the irony, it burns). The county where babymommas #2 and #3 reside brought him in on civil contempt. Miracle of miracles, he walked into court with a job pending. Amazing how that happens - nothing in over a year and he suddenly gets off his ass. Of course management was out to get him/ they didn’t appreciate him / it interfered with his other daily chores, such as… nothing, and he lost the job after only a week. E-mailed him asking very bluntly “WTF?!” and received a very scathing and threatening e-mail in response. That he was threatening me was humorous, really.
Anyways. A few days ago he left a voice mail apologizing profusely about his e-mail. Okay, no big deal. Then he went on a royal tear because babymomma #2 moved out of state and he just found out. She moved almost a month ago. What can I do to make them move back? Uh, nothing? Dude, you haven’t seen that child in over a year. Get the fuck over your control issues, she’s gone. You have no say in it (according to the court order), she was offered a great job with great pay and faboo benefits. She would have been a fool not to have taken it. And again, you have not seen that child in over a year. You did not attend her recitals. You did not attend her school functions. Hell, you forgot her birthday.
Maybe, if you got your shit together and dealt with the whole no drivers’ license for multiple reasons, you could go see them as they’re only three hours away. Oh, but that’s not your problem. The Man forced you to drive after suspension without insurance. Sure.
Maybe, I dunno, call her and ask HER what’s going on rather than bugging me. Moron.
I think the original version may have been “tidy” enough, which Kyla also mentions.
It’s very different to have to air, dust, sweep, wash floors and wash and iron clothes in a house that’s previously tidy and in one that’s full of… stuff… on the surfaces you need to clean. Many posters here have mentioned that “having a maid come in forces me to tidy up beforehand”; one of the things that need to be negotiated with a new maid is which surfaces are Do Not Touch Or Else (quoth one of my old teachers: “for some reason, not a single teacher wants to come from class and find that his to-grade and graded piles have been merged, placed in alphabetical order and put in the bottom drawer”).
That doesn’t mean I agree with the maid, specially given that I suspect she treated Kyla as her child and not her client, but this is one of those cases where probably both sides have a point.
Mom, I do not want to take prescription-required medication without a presctiption. That’s a general principle. General principles aside, I’m reasonably sure that your doctor (who happens to be my sister in law and my own GP) would rather see me in a patient visit to ask about alternate medication to the one I take than have to treat me for bringing shit on myself using stuff that’s adequate for you but not for me. Of all the things I could make her angry at me for, I’d rather avoid Intrinsic And Willful Stupidity.
I checked the active principles on that med while we were arguing: ergotamine and my blood circulation problems definitely do not match (it’s a vasoconstrictor, makes veins shrink temporarily and mine are already thin).
Arguing while I have a migraine and vertigo doesn’t help the migraine, either. On the other hand, my regular medication did help, so I do not need a new one just because you did get a new one, ok Mom?
Wally came in to work yesterday clean and shaven. Still a slight whiff, but that may just be in his clothes. Vast improvement, though. Then today, another co-worker, “Alice,” told me of the fallout from my note. First she asked if it was me who wrote it, and I just looked at her, and she said, “Well, don’t worry, 'cause I’ve got your back. And so does anyone else who’s smelled him.”
According to her, a supervisor called Wally into her office and closed the door. Alice had to be where she was, fairly near the office. She didn’t hear the supervisor, but she sure heard Wally. See, he can’t use soap or any bath products because they’re poison. He has enough poison in his body without putting it on his skin. From there, he went into “some kind of God riff. If God wanted him to wear cologne, he would have been born with cologne.”
Me: “Doesn’t the Bible say that your body is a holy vessel*? And there’s some instructions in Exodus, or maybe Leviticus, about going forty yards from the tribe and burying your waste.”
Alice: “Hee! Anyway, it doesn’t matter if it was you. ANY of us could have written it.”
o:o:o:o:o.