UB, I think that’s a lovely Christmas gift. I’m a person who very much needs “her own space”, a place where if I leave a dirty glass there it will stay where I put it and where I can put up any pictures on the walls that I want and if the wall gets holes it doesn’t matter because it’s my wall, nyah nyah, and if I can’t find something it’s not because anybody moved it, it’s because I put something else on top of it.
elbows, I don’t know how much of this was done intentionally to keep from hijacking the thread, but your post made several of my internal organs flip sommersaults and they weren’t good ones. You keep referring to whatever went on as “it”. Since you say that people around you understand about feeling shitty, I know you’re not trying to deal with things on your own… but I still would like you to know that I hope you get through things all right.
I suffered from depression for years and finally got enough treatment that I consider myself in remission, but after years of therapy I still had never exactly thought of this, Unintentionally Blank. Thanks so much for putting something into words that I had felt but never had words for. And, as you no doubt know, sometimes having words for something gets you halfway to changing it. I hope things continue to improve for you and your family.
Thank you Nava , for your kind wishes and concern. I’m sorry I made your organs flip flop. The ‘it’ I was refering to was the depression that follows significant loss.
Unintentionally Blank , also thanks for the well wishes, I do know about support systems and their importance. Truth is I am truly blessed with a loving husband and remarkable and caring friends, but for all of that I find myself struggling. I usually adore Christmas, but I can’t find the spirit this year. I knew it would be a challenge, I knew it would be a trigger, I know we have to find a new normal. And I know we’ll get through it.
This is such a social season, it should be pleasant and distracting for me. Well, that’s what I was telling myself anyway. But I see now that I will be an object of empathy, sympathy and pity. I will answer the sincerest heartfelt, “How are you doing with everything?”, repeatedly with “Okay, I guess.” I love these people, they are being supportive, I’d have been lost without them. But as the words come out of my mouth I’ll know it’s not really so true in some ways.
It seems like the closer we get to Christmas it’s more bad days and fewer good days. Bah and humbug, I say.
You have done me a great service in reminding me that I am not alone, it has really helped. For a full week I have been saying “I’ll put the tree up tomorrow,” and then not find the energy to undertake it. But as I type this, it’s up, and that’s something.
elbows The thing to keep in mind is what gets traction. In you current state, you could win the lottery, find the secret to immortality, and find the cure for cancer. Your response would be ‘meh, so what’.
Have you talked to a Doctor about your depression? There are some really good medications to help.
UB, the only solution I have (for you as well as me) involves humans never having come out of the trees. So I got nothing. I can wish you well, but you and I both know what wishes are good for.
