Ehh… I disagree. Good manners are never amiss, and while standing up at the table/holding a door open/opening a car door for a woman may not seem like a big deal, most of them will think better of you for it.
And the ones that wouldn’t are just silly. ;>
As for the OP’s question, I still see that sort of thing occasionally out here in Appalachia. Mostly with older generation, though.
I was taught to stand up, and I still do. I didn’t think it was “out of style”. I also remove my hat indoors, unlike most men. Even at Walmart.
53 year old BTW.
Okay, since it seems to be netting dates–I do it too! At least in formal contexts, which would include, say, a date at an establishment with table service. I stand for real handshakes (a first handshake is always standing). I reflexively hold doors for women.
I think what he said was they didn`t know enough to acknowledge it verbally. “Thanks, guys” may have been exactly what he thought they should say. It seems to me that nodding haughtily, like WhyNot suggested should suffice, if you’re going to do it.
If the woman is joining the table, I would think her verbal greeting to the table upon being seated is sufficient return-acknowledgment. If she is leaving with the expectation of rejoining, her departing word or simply a smile should do.
An actual “thank you” is not wrong, but to my mind it is making more of what is not really supposed to be a large gesture.
Likewise. I’m 46. Opening doors for women, too. That’s how I was raised.
Speaking as a woman, I don’t mind men opening doors for me at all, as long as we don’t get ridiculous about it.
Ridiculous means a man with arms full trying to open the door for me when my hands are empty, or some every elderly man on a cane or walker struggling to open the door for me, an able-bodied person half his age.
I tried doing things like this as a young man (I’m 50) and got mostly puzzled looks from women my age. Case in point: attending a semi-formal dinner with my then-girlfriend and two other couples. We were shown to our seats, but my girlfriend went to the restroom first. The rest of us were seated, with an empty chair across from me, when she arrived. I stood and walked aroud the table to get her chair for her - she paused with a knotted brow, then sat down n MY chair. No one else at the table knew what the hell I was up to, even after I explained it.
We’ve been married almost 24 years and I appreciate her lack of formailty, but I still try stuff like this once in a while and she just doesn’t get it.
At first I was going to say, “Me, too,” but then I got to thinking and I realized that I stand for every handshake, unless the person offering me their hand is also already seated and shows no sign of intending to stand. If my relationship with someone is such that I would continue to shake their hand after our initial meeting – e.g., if they’re a senior executive or a customer – I’d also continue to stand to do so.
If one more tangent can be tolerated, let me just say that I hate people with weak handshakes. You don’t need to crush my fingers, but the “fish hand” or the “fingertip shake” (often accompanied by a lack of eye contact) does not leave me with a positive impression. Most of the time it’s women who have weak handshakes, but I’ve come across it enough times in men, too.
(I’m a woman, FWIW.)
I pretty much agree. The only difference may be something that is entirely contained within a men/women variance. The non-standing handshakes that I was excluding are very casual greetings or farewells between male friends. Equivalent gestures between two women, or between a man and a woman, are usually one of several forms of hug.
Except for those of us who wonder what “manners” have to do with empty gestures based on our gender. Am I so weak as a female that I can’t get up from a table without a man leaping up to catch me in case I suddenly faint? Do people with vaginas not know how to open car doors all of a sudden? (Interestingly, some of us actually drive cars now. And open and close our own doors when we do, go figure.)
The purpose of manners are to make other people feel comfortable. What exactly is the comfort measure of all this up and down jack in the box standing and rushing to perform simple tasks for us as if we’re helpless?
You hold doors for everyone, because it’s a polite thing to do to not let a door close in someone’s face. All the rest is antidiluvean nonsense.
Also to fart.
I think the practice started to fade when some women started to look upon any gesture of respect or consideration as some conspiracy to Keep Women in A Second-Class State and got pissy towards the men who were taught by their mamas to be polite. The men got confused about how a simple gesture of honor could be interpreted by some as Making Women Feel Weak and Helpless (when their mamas had shown them that women were anything but) so they gradually stopped doing it rather than have their dinners ruined by a twisted up stomach after some woman accused them of being a Chauvinist Pig.
Female, 53, lived through the 70’s and still prefers men who know how and when to hold a door open.
How does someone holding a door open for you/standing up to you means that they’re putting you down as a weak, puny female? It’s a gesture of respect. -Respect-, woman. Get that through your thick feminist skull. @_@
Yeah, it’s a polite thing to do to not let a door close in someone’s face. Too bad the majority of women behind whom I’ve entered into establishments simply don’t bother to do it. I wonder why.
I always stand when a woman approaches the table, when introduced to or otherwise greeting a woman, and usually when a woman leaves the table. In public at least. I also open all doors for women. If I didn’t, my mother would beat me like a rented mule. For someone 95 years old, she’s got a mean left jab.
See, if a man holds the door open only for women, it means either that he’s trying to hit on the women, or that he disrespects men. 
No, I think Misnomer has it right: I hold the door open for everyone, as a gesture of assistance from one human being to another. Doesn’t matter whther they’re women or men, young or old. I stand for every handshake too. When I was dating, I would rise when my date arrived, but that’s becuase she was my date, not because she was a woman.
I remember one time when I was about 15 or so and I went to a shopping mall with my dad. As we were going in, we met a man he knew who was leaving the mall. The man was wearing a hat. He introduced me to the man, who removed his hat to greet me. I cannot tell you how good that made me feel. I think it must have been the first time in my life I had been treated like a lady, and I was quite a depressed, withdrawn teenager. It almost makes me cry to think about it now.
Middle of the Bible Belt here and it seems to be a generational thing - most men over about 40 will stand and remove hats (if applicable - not many wear hats other than ballcaps any more) for introductions and such. Younger guys, not so much.
Most men of any age here still pull out seats for women in more formal situations.
I’m another one who finds it really hard to be bothered by old-style manners - if I get a door opened or a seat pulled out for me, or someone bothers to doff their hat for me when we meet, why on earth would I assume the guy was being a bastard rather than a nice person with some slightly outdated manners?
Besides, I was raised on the ‘do unto everyone’ rule - you opened doors for whoever was after you, and were polite and deferential to anyone you meet, just as a rule. It wasn’t about women vs men, or old people vs younguns, it was about being polite and respectful to other individual people, you know, as individuals.
But see, this is the problem: what is the respect issue here? What benefit is derived from this standing up when women come and go thing and for whom is it derived?
“I care enough about you to stand up when you do” is not a sign of respect. It serves no purpose other than putting on a show, one specifically based upon gender roles and social mores that delineated females as both weak and in specific need of special attention and protection.
No, respect is treating me in the way I wish to be treated as an individual, not treating me the way you were told I was meant to be treated based upon my gender. Respect is opening doors because you got there first and it’s what you do when you get to a door first, not opening doors because of some notion that it’s rude to make a woman touch a door handle if there’s a man anywhere nearby.
No one said anything about bastards but you. The assumption I make is that this is someone who hasn’t bothered to evaluate their behavior through current standards, is all. Until and unless I know more about them, that is.
So…if I (a woman) open a door for you, “it’s a polite thing to do.”
If you (a woman), open a door for me, “it’s a polite thing to do.”
If Steve opens a door for Joe, “it’s a polite thing to do.”
If Joe opens a door for Steve, “it’s a polite thing to do.”
But if Joe opens a door for me, “it serves no purpose other than putting on a show, one specifically based upon gender roles and social mores that delineated females as both weak and in specific need of special attention and protection.”?
I’m missing a step here. Either that or it’s *you *who is judging people based on gender.