My Dad made my step-siblings call him, “Sir.” In lighter moments, it was “Sergeant Dad” or “Dad, sir.” Assuming you’re not a control freak a$$hole, I also vote for letting the kids figure out on their own what to call you. They will also mimic your wife a little bit, a lot of “Pass daddy the ketchup,” “Ask your daddy if you can,” will more subtly indoctrinate the nickname.
I think it’s a tough question: especially if the biological father is actively involved in their lives, because you’ll need something fairly self-explanatory to avoid the befuddled looks on the other parents faces when two daddies and one mommy show up for the soccer game. If you care.
Y’know, I think there should have been a smiley icon after the phrase “control freak a$$hole.” I just want to clarify that the phrase refers to my Pops, not you.
My stepdaughter (ex stepdaughter? I’ve filed for divorce from her mom) used to call me stepdad most of the time. Once she asked if she could call me dad, and she did for a while, then went back to stepdad.
Step Mom checking in - I was always “my first name”.
Mr. Adoptamom became a step dad to my daughter, 4yo at the time. Daughter asked him point blank what she should call him and he replied, “first name, Mr. first name, green eyed buggerman or dad is fine, you chose, and know that I love you regardless of your choice.”
She called him “Mr. first name”. About 2 months later she called him “first name”. Gradually she switched to “Daddy first name” and then just plan “Dad”. About a year later she asked to be adopted by him and its been “Daddy” for the past 18 years
I went by my first name and I couldn’t begin to cope with being called Mum because she had a mum. She also had a stepmother who remained in the picture.
I think it is an appalling kick in the teeth to the biological parent for a child to be expected to call a step-parent, Mum or Dad when they have an active caring parent in the picture already. I think it’s fine if the child decides to call a stepparent, Mum or Dad but it’s not something to be imposed or requested of the child.
What does the original father in the OP think? Has he even been asked?
I apply band aids, invisible magic dust on little injuries, I pay the bills, banish monsters from the dark, drive the school taxi, make dinner, help fight the aliens on Playstation, give hugs and aeroplane rides…
Bio-father uses my son (yes, my son) as a pawn in his various ratbag atempts to trawl us through the courts. Ben is a commodity for him.
I am Ben’s dad. I’d die for him. I’m daddy. 'nuff said.
My step-dad moved in when I was 8. When I was 12, mom married him (after a 4 year wait to get His Holiness The Pope to annul her previous Catholic marriage) For those 4 years my sisters and I called him by his first name. Seemed silly to change that after the wedding, and he said so himself. He wasn’t really the parent, he was more like our fun big brother. (He was 11 years younger than Mom) We never asked him for permission to do anything, only Mom. He never disciplined us. He was the playmate. MOM was in charge. She yelled at him for misbehaving and playing ball in the house as much as she yelled at us.
He also had his own son from a previous marriage so I think he understood that he really wouldnt want his son calling his ex-wife’s new husband “Dad” either. He had more respect for my biological father than we did. (Way back then. Dad’s MUCH better now) He knew our Dad was a putz, but would never, ever say so if we were in the room. And he always discouraged my mother from bad-mouthing our Dad in front of us. I have always admired that about him.
I hear that. Bio dad of my crew was big on promises, zero on delivery. (fishing trips, showing up at sports events, etc.)
Best moment - Mrs seal, who is all of 4’10", punching him in the mouth after such a moment.
But the daughter, now almost 30, still hopes things will change. I don’t think so (after 25 years), but she still wants her daddy to be a daddy.
