So, here’s the deal – The Littlest Briston doesn’t want to call my fiance by her first name anymore. She’s called her “Ray” (short for Rachel) since they’ve known each other, but TLB has decided that the important grown-ups in her life all have some sort of title (“Mommy”, “Dad”, “Grandma”, etc…), and, as she put it, “I call the neighbors by their first names”.
Trouble is, she very much wants to call her “Mom”. And while we do have full custody, her mother is still a part of her life. I know I wouldn’t be thrilled with my daughter calling someone else “Dad”, so I’d really prefer that she backed off the “Mom” idea (“But I’d still call Mommy ‘Mommy’” is her logic on this).
“Stepmother” isn’t exactly the warmest of titles, so we’re putting it out there to you – anyone have a good idea for a good stepmom title that doesn’t cross too far into “mom” territory?
Sort of reverse stepmother, as she is my dad’s first wife, but I call my sibs’ mom “auntie” (tití).
She is, in fact, way closer than an aunt to me, somewhere between my mom and any of my aunts.
My sibs call my mom by her first name, but then they call my dad by his first name most of the time, and only stopped doing that so often once I got older and stressed the use of “dad” and “daddy” when talking to/about him.
Is TLB interested in any foreign languages? If so, you could use that language’s word for mom or mother. Anything else I tried to make work ended up being kinda insulting if taken the wrong way, and that’s definitely something to be avoided.
Or, have Rachel and TLB come up with entirely new names for each other, that only they call each other, like characters from a Dickens novel.
I’d always called my Bio Mom Mama, so when the "what do I call my Stepmom " thing was decided, I opted for Mommy. I have kept it straight in my head that way ever since, Although I say Mom now Still, I was really little when that happened, ( three) so YYMV, although, like TLB, it was my idea. I think her logic is sound. if your fiancee is okay with it, let it be Mom.
My first instinct is to go with the Mom/Mommy thing that TLB suggested. I know a couple lesbian couples that manage to do that without confusion.
If that’s totally off the table, is there a book or movie that Ray and TLB have bonded over or enjoyed sharing? Maybe they could pick a name from that. Were I in that situation I’d be amused and delighted to be called Atticus or Ms. Which or something.
Alternately, my father called his mother Purr for the entirety of her life, just because he liked the sound as a kid. Maybe she could just find her favorite word?
To keep the peace I may be giving mom a heads up before she starts hearing about it from the kid, I have seen friends gutted by the kids suddenly talking about someone else using parental terms.
If Mom is ok with it maybe Mummy/Mum for the step to differentiate? Smom or Moms could be cute too but please do consider including Mom in the conversation if relations allow, as you said you would hate her to call someone else Dad/Daddy, would Pa or Pop really be less hurtful if it came without warning?
Still, I was really little when that happened, ( three) so YYMV, although, like TLB, it was my idea. I think her logic is sound. if your fiancee is okay with it, let it be Mom.