Stephen Baldwin is making me laugh

[MeanOldLady]

This is not a joke thread title. I am laughing my (figurative) balls off.

It all started when my friend linked me to an article that “actor” Stephen Baldwin was filing for bankruptcy. Actor? What has he acted in? I typed his name into IMDB, and it said, “Who?”

Then we got to tinkering around on his website, and the laughter hasn’t stopped. First we noticed the site makes numerous references to something called “StevieB.” We then realized this is some sort of moniker he has bestowed upon himself. After figuring out what the hell Stevie-B was, and getting over the distracting layout, which resembles an Affliction tee-shirt and a bag of skittles having sex, we wandered off to a section called “Thoughts.” There’s actually not much here. There’s a rambling string of words placed next to each other in no particular order called “U-TURN.” And it is awesome!

@Xtreme preacher Stephen Baldwin

U-TURN
Weird right…? what is steve-B…thinkin Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…?

“God has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise” (1-Corinthians - 1:27)

In other words…God allows U-Turns! No matter what we have done or how bad we have been… God can always and at any time turn your life around for the better!

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” (1-Corinthians - 2:9) (NIV)

What the hell is he talking about? In other words, God allows U-Turns? How did “steve-B” conclude this from that? steve-b may have some serious reading comprehension problems.

So next I’m off to the hobbies section, because I’m dying to know how Stephen Baldwin entertains himself, and I find the most absurd list of hobbies I’ve ever come across. Eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches is not a hobby, moran!!11 You’re killing me, steve-b! I also learned from a section on his website titled “SOME STUFF” that Stevie-B “is one of the most sought-after male talents in film and television today.” He must mean by creditors.

Next there’s the section “WHATS UP,” which is apparently StevieB speak (the capitalization of punctuation stevie-B vary) for “links on the internets about me, no matter how disparaging.” One of said links is a hilarious Salon.com article which mocks him for two pages, but steveb feels necessary to link to on his page anyway. This is where I learn that stevie’s page doesn’t have to make any sense, because using your brain is a problem.

@Salon.com

Baldwin preaches that free will is a lie of Satan – we must shut off our brains, he says, and be led by what God tells our hearts. Furthermore, he writes, efforts to end global poverty and violence are just the sort of “stupid arrogance” that incur God’s wrath, which we’ll be feeling any day now in the coming apocalypse.

God gets *pissed *when people try to eradicate violence. God does not get upset when you assault people. As in, “God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to try to do, and if you try to stop me I am going to break your face.”

Upon preview, I have typed up too many words about Stephen Baldwin. Whatever. Thanks for the laugh, Steve!

[Shot_From_Guns]

The laughter, it has been passed on. I thank you.

[Cat_Fight]

I remember when he was ‘saved’ or whatever and started preaching the word in the media. Seemed so very desperate, like some sort of excuse for not getting work. Plus he doesn’t seem to actually know that much about his new religion.

[Ruby]

Stephen who?

[MeanOldLady]

I think his new religion involves skateboards.

@steveb's website

These days, however, his role as director, co-producer and host of Livin’ It - a cutting-edge skate video is bringing out his white hot passion for evangelism.

“Livin It is a hard-core look at some of the biggest talents in skateboarding and BMX who show kids that you can live this edgy lifestyle and do it for Jesus Christ,” he says.

[PunditLisa]

He was on Celebrity Apprentice, so he must be famous! Right? Right?

[detop]

@MeanOldLady

This is not a joke thread title. I am laughing my (figurative) balls off.

It all started when my friend linked me to an article that “actor” Stephen Baldwin was filing for bankruptcy. Actor? What has he acted in? I typed his name into IMDB, and it said, “Who?”

<snip>

Here is his IMdb page. If it was a whoosh, please consider me whooshed

[Spiff]

SB is mentally unstable.

Allegedly.

[cmyk]

Stevie’s apparently become a born-again, saved bible-thumper. He started a couple ‘ministries’ and is now in major debt. He’s also crazy right-wing from what his far-more-famous brother Alec says.

[Larry_Mudd]

Bankrupt? Great news!

“Mmmmmmmm… locusts!”

[MeanOldLady]

@detop

<snip>

Here is his IMdb page. If it was a whoosh, please consider me whooshed

That was a joke.

But now I’m laughing even harder because he was in a 2008 film called Shark in Venice. Here’s the plot:

The seemingly tranquil waterways of Venice are terrorized by the perfect killing machine. In search of his father who has mysteriously disappeared diving in the city, David stumbles across the cryptic trail leading to the long-lost fortune of the Medici. As the unwitting pawn in a Mafia plot to recover the treasure, David’s girlfriend is kidnapped at gunpoint, plunging him into a desperate race against time. If he has any hope of saving her he must enter the deadly waters. Can David out-gun the Mafia assassins and survive the voracious sharks laying in wait beneath the surface, or will he succumb to the same fate as his father?

Ha ha ha!

[FoieGrasIsEvil]

He was incredible in Sliver…

[gonzomax]

He has made a career of bad SyFy movies. Often he is the best actor in the terrible movie and surely the biggest name. The name however, belongs to his brothers.

[Cat_Fight]

Oh great. Now I have to rent Shark in Venice. Thanks a lot, SDMB.

When his career is bashed, the blond Baldwin can always be counted on to bring up The Usual Suspects. Good-to-great movie, he even put in a pretty good performance, but come on, dude. It’s not like you directed it. Or even had top billing. Or didn’t go on to play Barney Rubble.

Here is one of many entertaining videos care of Stephen. He’s talking about God… or something… there’s a lot of dead air.

[Diogenes_the_Cynic]

I think he comes off as manic-depressive. He’s got some kind of btrain chmistry issue in any case.

Once, several years go, he was a guest on the radio show “Lovelines,” and he was trying perform miracles on the air. Dude needs meds.

He’s really a passable actor in tough guy, character roles. It’s his nuttiness offscreen that’s derailed his career.

[MeanOldLady]

@Cat_Fight

Oh great. Now I have to rent Shark in Venice. Thanks a lot, SDMB.

When his career is bashed, the blond Baldwin can always be counted on to bring up The Usual Suspects. Good-to-great movie, he even put in a pretty good performance, but come on, dude. It’s not like you directed it. Or even had top billing. Or didn’t go on to play Barney Rubble.

Here is one of many entertaining videos care of Stephen. He’s talking about God… or something… there’s a lot of dead air.

I know! The user reviews on IMDB are killing me. This has so been added to my Netflix queue. And I just got through with the video of him babbling about nothing which was just incoherent enough to be funny. I actually am just getting over a pretty ugly cold, and should stop looking at all things StevieB until I’m completely over it. I’ve gotten into several wild choking fits.

[Hal_Briston]

@StevieB

“That is what I am going to try to do, and if you try to stop me I am going to break your face.”

Someone better put a leash on that puppy…

[gigi]

@PunditLisa

He was on Celebrity Apprentice, so he must be famous! Right? Right?

Well, that, and “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here” solidified his place in the pantheon of…the D-list?

[Swallowed_My_Cellphone]

@MeanOldLady

I also learned from a section on his website titled “SOME STUFF” that Stevie-B “is one of the most sought-after male talents in film and television today.” He must mean by creditors.

Okay now that made me go all

[wolfman]

@MeanOldLady

The seemingly tranquil waterways of Venice are terrorized by the perfect killing machine. In search of his father who has mysteriously disappeared diving in the city, David stumbles across the cryptic trail leading to the long-lost fortune of the Medici. As the unwitting pawn in a Mafia plot to recover the treasure, David’s girlfriend is kidnapped at gunpoint, plunging him into a desperate race against time. If he has any hope of saving her he must enter the deadly waters. Can David out-gun the Mafia assassins and survive the voracious sharks laying in wait beneath the surface, or will he succumb to the same fate as his father?

Ha ha ha!

I’m tired of these Motherfuckin sharks in the motherfuckin canal! :mad: