Which one? The one with the husband who wants to poison the grandkids against their parents?
Just a thought, maybe this isn’t about the in-laws’ location at all. Maybe it’s a proxy war.
Maybe this is a sibling rivalry issue between the two sisters. It seems like the main reason for wanting Mommy and Daddy to move to NY is so that they’re closer to S-i-L than Mrs. RH. It’s all couched in language of convenience, grandkids, and Christmas, but it really sounds like S-i-L feels like she’s losing in the contest for her parents’ attention, and is ready to play dirty pool to win. Meanwhile, Mrs. RH is gearing up for a fight because she’s winning and she likes that.
So: how do the sisters get along with each other, when you factor out the kids and the distance? When the two women are around their parents, any signs of competition?
Also, you might want to have a word with your in-laws about going to a lawyer and getting an ironclad will. I’m involved in a situation where siblings who have tension are fighting over an estate, and it’s beyond ugly.
Actually SIL is traveling 4 hours from home and watching her kids have yet another major holiday away from their home.
I can sympathize with SIL for wanting to have holidays at home for her kids. We took my infant son to my folks (4 hour drive) his first year. After that I told the folks that we’re having Christmas at our home and they were very welcome to join us. I wanted my kids to have Christmas memories centered around the home they grew up in.
Mom was thrilled to be a guest at our house during Christmas.
As far as your SIL’s insistence that her parents move to accommodate her, she needs to grow up.
OP, you do NOT have to take your wife’s side on every issue, and I can’t imagine why you would think so. If you think she’s wrong, tell her so and tell her to keep you out of it. If you think she’s right, don’t tell us that you’re only involved because she made you involved.
And in your OP, I didn’t get any hint that you were reluctant to go to war on your own account. The wife claim didn’t come up until you got a whole lot of criticism that you probably didn’t expect.
Check out the other Pit threads the guy started if you want confirmation and a good chuckle.
OP, read the posts from Boogly and Dr. Drake a few times. I can totally understand why you want to support your wife, and in a family battle, that’s the right side to be on. But your support should be taking the form of helping her see this isn’t her concern. As long as her parents are capable of making their own decisions, there is no reason for her to get involved. This big sit-down you envision to clear the air is a great idea - between the parents and the SIL. You and your wife don’t need to be involved.
And if it is your business where they live because you want to keep the parents close to you, then admit to yourselves that you’re being as childish and manipulative as the SIL, and get off your high horse.
I’ve got to wonder if maybe SiL isn’t asking her parents to move closer because she wants them there, but because they drive up once a month and her mother complains about the arrangements. Maybe she has tried to make her mother more comfortable but is met with just another set of complaints.
Even when you love someone, it is wearying to host them every month when you don’t really have room for them. Maybe she’s just tired of it and is trying to find a solution that doesn’t make it seem like she’s holding the kids “hostage”.
Whats the matter, can’t take getting clowned after taking a cheap shot at someone?
Not at all, and if my SIL loves her parents, maybe SHE can make the 4 hour trip to see THEM.
I dont get where I said the goal of a “sit down” is for anyone to tell the SIL to “fuck off”, but rather to make it clear to her the parents have no intention of moving, so stop showing them houses, and stop trying to frighten them by telling them she is going to put them in home if they don’t. And dont make veiled statements about taking the grandchildren away from them everytime you dont get your way with visitation.
Yes they did. SIL won’t drop the issue, and keeps repeating her threats.
But it won’t be their choice. Based on SILs actions, we can only deduce they are being taken advantage of by her if they do decide to move up there.
I already pointed out that they are not. Therefore any pretense my SIL has that she wants to better care for them is utter bullshit; she wants them to act as free babysitters.
Wrong, awesome parents will stay because THEY want it so. They have made it clear to us and the SIL. Fear is SIL will escalate the situation.
Thats fine if its for the right reasons.
AGAIN, I must repeat myself: I often have taken other family members side (not publicly, but told her I agreed with the other family member) in other conversations and told my wife so. Just because Im taking her side here doesn’t always make it so.
We’re the ones being the adults here. Threatening, bullying and carrying on are the chilliest acts of the SIL.
Me, my wife AND my SIL will probably throw a party! We often joke that if SIL lived in Florida my wife parents would move there in a second----but who could blame them? Make no mistake, climate has a lot to do with this-----parents simply do not want to live in Upstate NY because the weather sucks and thats a big part of the problem here.
I think legally she can’t do anything like throw them in a home as long my wife is around, but I will take that under advisement if that is not the case.
You are a moron. Get off my thread.
Drake made good points.
It IS my wife’s concern because the SIL told her right to her face that she was going to put them in a home if they didn’t move closer to her. What kind of child would not fight for her parent’s rights in that situation?
As for making it harder on us, if my wife’s parents called and said they were moving to Alaska next week, then Godspeed (OK, we’d obviously want to know more and probably try and talk them out of it and Im sure the SIL would too because that would probably not be a good idea) but Id rather have them do that, of their own free will, because they WANTED to, not move 4 hours away because they were being tricked.
Weak ass rants:
- Bitching about neighbor that is glad you finally took responsibility to clean your sidewalk
- Bitching about the city employees that snow plow your street and get snow at the end of your driveway
- Bitching about Microsoft because they try to compete against Google chromebooks
- Bitching about your SIL because she wants her parents to move closer to her and her family
Damn what a hard life you have. :rolleyes:
Your SIL might be the most evil, manipulative bitch going- or the parents might be telling everyone what that person wants to hear - or both. I have no way of knowing. What I do know is that if your in-laws are competent, then your sister-in-law can’t make them move against their will. And neither you nor your in-laws can make your SIL drive four hours to spend Easter, Christmas etc. with her parents. So this isn’t your fight or your decision and it’s not your wife’s either- it’s entirely between your SIL and her parents. Sure, it’s possible that at some point your in-laws might decide to move to NY to see the grandchildren more - and that will be their decision. If they allow your SIL to pressure them into it, it will be still be their decision. If they are competent adults and choose not to have any backbone, it’s still their choice.
And while you and your wife may be adults , I’m not so sure your in-laws are being adults. Because I don’t understand why you and your wife are getting dragged into it at all- if they have all their marbles, they ought to be able to understand that she can’t put them in a home against their will. And since no one seems to be able to grasp that, I wonder what else is going on . Like for example, what does “taking the grandchildren” mean exactly? Does it mean she doesn’t want to drive them four hours each way for every holiday? Does it mean she doesn’t want to put her life on hold one weekend a month while her parents visit so she wants to cut down the frequency/length of visits/wants them to stay at a hotel? All of the above? Or does it mean cutting the grandparents out of the kids life entirely forever ? Because you’re making it sound like the latter and I suspect it’s closer to the former. You may not even be getting the whole story- it is entirely possible that the whole “move near me” came about because of the in-laws. Maybe SIL asked for less frequent visits and they objected or maybe they pressured her to come to PA more often because “we don’t see them enough”. Or maybe they just complain that they drive all the way there on Friday and stay till Sunday and hardly spend any time with the kids because one has basketball on Saturday morning and the other has a birthday party Sunday afternoon.
You wouldn’t necessarily know those things- because one thing I have noticed is that parents who try to drag one kid into an argument with another kid often don’t tell the whole story.
To be fair, 7 out of 11 threads started thus far have not been embarrassing Pit threads.
Can the SIL legally force your in-laws to move for better care?
What threats is the SIL making? Is it only visiting the grandkids or are there other threats?
Is there some reason you doubt your in-laws ability to continue to turn down moving? You repeatedly say the the in-laws do not want to move, so where is the danger of them moving? Is there a danger of the in-laws telling you and your wife that they are not moving while planning on moving?
Unless I am missing something, which I think I am. I just don’t see a reason for this rant. SIL keeps telling your in-laws to move and the in-laws keep saying no, so why the rage?
Here’s another idea; have your wife talk to her parents to see if they are considering moving. If they say no then there is no further reason to get mad at SIL for making threats and it would be calmer to sit back and smile, on the inside, whenever this is brought up. As long as the parents are set on not moving then there is absolutely no reason to get worked up over this.
WOW, Omar, I didn’t realize you were such a big fan you were able to do so much research on me! You shouldn’t have!
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Er, . . . . No REALLY, you shouldn’t have.
I have no idea what this has to do with the topic at hand, and is a deliberate thread hijack and a possible troll, all of which Omar did not know in his worship of me, because lets face it, he obviously is not very bright. Therefore, instead of reporting him to the Board, allow me to indulge my feeble-minded friend:
For those Dopers who dont have as much free time as Omar, because unlike Omar they like have things like “lives”, and “jobs”, Omar in his enthusiasm for my posts took every single one of these out of context, so let me save everyone a little time; my improvements are in boldface:
- Bitching about bitch twatburger of a neighbor **whose property looks no better than mine ** that is glad you finally took responsibility on my own, with no warning or sanction from any one from the cityto clean your sidewalk
- Bitching about the asshole city employees that snow plow your street and get snow at the end of your driveway after I paid money to have the driveway cleared, and then piled up snow right up to it after driving back and forth and seeing the guy snowblowing my driveway and then deliberately piled up 3 feet of snow up at the end right after he left and my wife was about to make an attempt to go to work
- Bitching about Microsoft because they try to compete against Google chrome books by making unfair and inaccurate claims in their commercials
- Bitching about your manipulative, passive aggressive SIL because she wants her parents to move closer to her and her family against their will.
Hope that clears it up.
As for you Omar, while I admire my fans I find you a little creepy. So, please don’t post about me anymore until you get your facts straight.
Contestant #2 c’mon down!
You’re the next I’m gonna clown.
SIL is not dropping then issue, despite obvious responses from the parents they would like her to. SIL is constantly picking at an open sore, and believe me, that is her nature: she bullies, threatens and pesters until she gets her way.
All this does is create tension and discomfort, and as you can see, anger amongst all parties involved. Its just not a healthy situation.
- “I’m sorry, this subject is closed.” Smile sweetly.
- “I’m sorry, this subject is closed.” Smile sweetly.
- “I’ve asked you to drop this subject. If you continue with it, I am going to leave the room / house / hang up the phone / pull over and walk.” Follow through.
In other words, it’s not a one-person dynamic. She may be the bully, threaten, and pester, but you don’t have to sit there and take it. She does it because it works: she either gets her way or she gets a reaction. Stop feeding the monster.