I agree with above posters…you just have to tell her you can’t talk and hang up.
Mr.stretch is bored and lonely all day too, but if he calls and I can’t or don’t want to talk I just say, “I’m working here; I can’t talk; see you when I get home.” That means don’t call me again unless it’s an emergency. Some days I’m happy to chat if I have the time, other days I’d rather not.
If it’s an emergency I’ll know because he’ll start out with “I need your help!*”
*and I hope it’s just something small, instead of “I think I need stitches.”
I’ve been a housewife for 20 years and in that time I called my husband at work so rarely that I never even memorized his work numbers. I called him only if it was really necessary. However, he always called me a couple of times a day, when he had a few minutes and could chat. Could you do that? Make a point to call her when you have a break in your work?
If so, you could say something to her like, “Honey, having you call me at work is really becoming a problem. It’s kind of frowned on for me to take personal calls – especially when I’m in the middle of business. But I’d miss talking to you, too. How about this – I’ll call you. That way we can still talk, but I can pick the time.” Then make a point to call her a couple of times a day.
It could be worse. A guy where I used to work, his wife not only called several times a day, but she insisted that he come home and tend to her. And he did.
She wasn’t physically disabled or ill, but it was rumored that she had some issues. I assume that’s not the case with your wife, but it does sound like she yearns for a friendly, adult voice. Maybe a part-time job is in order. Then you can call her.
[QUOTE=Leaffan
“About $1.08, but with what’s happening in Lebanon and Iran it will probably go higher.”[/QUOTE]
Say WHAT? You’re talking about tabouli, right?
I used to work with a guy and his wife did the same thing. It was constant, funny, and annoying. His coworkers both pitied him and were angry, because when she called, it became hard for him to do what he was doing.
So we convinced him not to answer his phone. We wouldn’t let it bounce to voice mail, someone else would grab it (we didn’t get many calls there, but the ones we did get we didn’t want to miss) and if it was his wife they’d take a message. If it was on business, they’d hand the phone over. This lasted about … 2 days. And then we see this … shape…moving across the lawn…it approaches…its his wife and she is banging on the window!
Not a happy ending, btw. Eventually he got laid off…his productivity wasn’t as good as everyone elses and he took too many personal calls. However, that was not a good company, they’d have found some other reason to lay him off before he vested.
I work at home so am always accessible (if not eager) for phone calls, whereas Papa T. has a very busy job where he’s often in meetings or conference calls. We’ve worked out a basic rule: If one person says they have to go, they have to go. Of course, it works better when he says that to me than vice versa, but we’re working on it. He’s hung up on me enough times without compunction that I don’t take it personally; I don’t do it to him as often, but when I’m under a real time crunch I have no problems doing it. We both call each other about equally.
The trick is that there have to be ground rules. If she won’t follow them, then either, as has been said, let the call go to voice mail and call her back when you can talk more privately, or just answer say, “Sorry, I’m really busy right now, unless this is a real emergency I’ll call you back,” click. Then if she calls again immediately and it’s not an emergency, rinse and repeat till she figures it out. Do not get into the
But seriously, it sounds like she needs some adult activities. Maybe you could talk with her about ways to get involved with other adults that won’t involve you during the day so much – a book club, volunteering with other adults at various kids’ activities, etc. I remember being at home with kids and absolutely desperate for other adults to talk to; my problem was solved by getting active with the PTA, Scouting, etc.
Not necessarily. Then again, I’m assuming that Mrs. Leaffan is batshit insane, which she’s probably not. I certainly hope not.
But my former roommate was in this situation. He was told by his boss that if his GF called one more time, he was going to get fired. She called again. He told her he was about to get fired. She called again. He hung up on her, just as you described. She called back to bawl “You don’t love me!”
The woman was a piece of work. Probably worth a Pit thread right there. Ugh.
Now that that’s out of the way, let me say that I feel for you Leaffan. A good friend of mine was dating a woman who would call 4-5 times/day. I don’t know how he stood it. I don’t know how you stand it.
Like others have said, I think you need to talk to your wife and set new rules regarding calling you at work. Then you’ll have to be the asshole who is curt with and/or hangs up on his wife for a while until a new, better equilibrium is reached. It won’t be easy, and I suspect the guilt trips will flow freely, but you’ve got to do something. 2-4 calls/day at work is crazy.
I know how you feel. My wife likes to call me at work too, and we’ve worked out a system to make it smooth. For normal, mundane stuff, we use an instant messenger to send notes back and forth. For the important stuff, or stuff too big to go over online, she’ll call.
Works out that she only calls about once or twice a month. Using IM for the little stuff is nice, since it looks like I’m working, and no one can overhear what we’re talking about.
I think this is good advice. I’m at home on maternity leave right now and yeah I go stir crazy … I try not to email or call my hubby too often, but it’s hard! It DEFINITELY helps when he calls or emails me a couple of times throughout the day just to say hi and see how things are going.
Is there a way to screen your calls? If not, can you forward your phone to voicemail? Ivylad isn’t one for talking on the phone, so when he calls me and we only talk briefly. I usually call him at lunch if I haven’t talked to him in the morning.
Ivygirl, on the other hand, will call and call and call. She’s fighting with her best friend/she has to go back to school to get her book/her brother is bothering her/she stubbed her toe/when will I be home. I’ve stressed to her that she can ask her father these questions, but with his health issues, he may be napping during the day. So she knows that unless it’s an emergency, not to call.
Of course, a 14 year old girl’s idea of an emergency and mine are vastly different.
I had a co-worker whose MOTHER would call her, several times a day. I would hear my co-worker telling her she was busy and would call her back, and then she’d hang up. Sometimes she’d forward her phone to voicemail so she could get her work done.
The problem was, if Mom couldn’t get ahold of Tina (not her real name) she would call the receptionist and asked to be connected to whoever else was in the department to track down her daughter. :eek: My boss finally had a chat with Tina, who was highly embarrassed to find out her mom was doing that, and I guess read her mom the riot act, because it hasn’t happened since.
I work from home (with an occasional trip to a client’s office) and on slow days I don’t have much to do or anyone to talk to.
I understand bored…I understand lonely…but I am also a big girl and can survive an entire 8 or 9 hours by myself without having to call BF at work.
I occasionally email him, but even then only if it’s something of note: really great news, a question that can’t wait, or to tell him I will be out on a job and will be home late.
We’ve been together 8 years, and in all that time neither of us has called the other at work with anything other than an emergency…or at least something fairly urgent.
Just a suggestion, but do you have a cell phone Leaffan? Maybe you could point out to her that your work phone is to be used for your employer’s business, but if she needs you she can call you on your cell. Which gives you the opportunity to take your call somewhere more private, or to return her calls on lunch or breaks.
