I’m so sick of all this Doper flirting with the “How you doin’?” crap. It’s time to bring this tomfoolery to a halt.
No, I’m not against flirting on the boards. Far from it. What I’m sick of is the lame Joey Tribiani imitations.
So, fellow Dopers – What catch-all flirt phrase would you like to see replace it?
I’d like to cite you sometime!
Hi there. Can I touch you with my penis?
“What’s up, doc?”
“We could make beautiful music together?”
“This could be the start of something eenteresting.”
“Who’s bringing the protection?”
“Do my breasts look like they need readjusted?”
So we finally found something short, friendly, easy, clear, that works. Everybody understands it, which can’t be said for dropping handkerchiefs and expressing interest in each others hobbies. And it is self-mocking enough to have the “I was only joking” escape open if it goes wrong.
It works. And you want to replace it because the novelty has worn off?
What’s next? Saying you’re sick of sex and want something else to replace it? 
Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
I’m so glad you understand.
Can I touch you with my penis?
“How’s about if I slap your titties around for a bit?”
“Want a big squirt?”
“Shake my hand. Now replace ‘shake’ with ‘suck’ and ‘hand’ with ‘throbbing meat spear’.”
Uh huh. They do. Obviously, I need to do this.
No, baby, don’t fight it. Just give in to the adjustment.
juuuuuust a little tweak there…yeah…daddy likes…
What?
Uh huh. They do. Obviously, I need to do this.
No, baby, don’t fight it. Just give in to the adjustment.
juuuuuust a little tweak there…yeah…daddy likes…
What?
“How’d you like something straight…”
Why does this phrase keep popping up in my life? Where did it come from?
Yes, they are nice shoes. Yes, I do want to fuck. I’m not so sure about you, though.
(Generic you, not Nemo)
Too indirect and trite.
“Nice pussy. Wanna fuck?”
That’s better.
Oh great. Now somebody’ll be on our backs about cat threads.
Oh. Wait… 
I hope you don’t think this is too forward, but would you mind if I chewed on your butt?
Thanks to Al.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
I wish that people wouldn’t flirt in the photo threads. Invariably, the cute people get all the "How ya doing"s and the regular folks just get to hear crickets.
ROFLMAO! Funniest damn thing I’ve read in I don’t know when. heheheh