Stop the madness!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So read the saga for full impact. Synopsis: Mrs. Montoya grows weary of living with Inigo, dead from years of life abuse, just grinding away in shades of grey and pale lavender. no soul, no emotion. Meets a guy going through a divorce, raw nerves, emotion dripping from the battle wounds, in need of a kind shoulder, she offers both of hers, relieved just to be in the presence of emotion again. one thing leads to another…

–Later–

Here’s Inigo, wounds from his recently massacred marriage still bloody & raw, minding his own business talking to a Nice Young Lady. A rather interesting young lady–well read, travelled, witty, fun, etc. Yes. Interesting indeed. A breath of fresh air compared to…the un-named one, and clearly impressed with someone strong enough to endure with such grace the trauma of fatal marital strife. Conversing away, thinking, “Hey, didn’t take long to replace…the un-named one. Things are looking up.” When all of a sudden, damn. There’s a boyfriend. A relatively new one, to be sure, and only 21 (my 38 years of cunning would make short work of him), but red lights are red lights. Backing off, gracefully, reset sights toward “friend” and keep this one in mind. Patience, my precious! Patience.

Then I blew it:

Here’s the setup:
**NYL: ** Thanks for lunch, it was nice talking with you. We need to set a play date to get your mind off things–go carts? batting cage? Dancing?
**IM: **Well…if you could set me up with a nice rebound chick…
NYL: If it were two years ago (and I was back in my soccer bod w/o beau) I wouldn’t have even had to put a thought to it.

And the fumble:
IM: That’s the sweetest & kindest thing I’ve heard in years. If you tire of your guy before you embark on your next journey, look me up. We can work on the soccer bod later if it’s something you’d like, but I dig your brain. Story of my life. Seems I missed a couple fabulous opportunities 2 years ago.
**NYL: ** I wouldn’t have missed you though, had our paths crossed.

MAN! My marriage just melted down exactly this way! Only now I’ve got the role of the romantic insurgent. And I don’t want it! The more I tried to steer the conversation away, the more buttons I kept hitting. Would someone PLEASE put an eligible wonder-girl in front of me?

2

Your ex-wife was married to you when she did her damage. The NYL is NOT married to her newly minted BF.

You getting involved with NYL, or putting down a marker for when her current BF demonstrates his callow youth & utter boorishness two months from now, is not even remotely the same thing as what your wife did to you.

Stop beating yourself. You’re under a lot of stress & self-abuse (well, most self-abuse) isn’t helping you at all.

Relax & go with the flow. Esy to say, hard to do. The best we can hope for is to try to avoid actively screwing it up; passive screwups are gonna happen.

3

Hey Inigo glad to see you’re thinking of moving on, but might I make a teensy suggestion. Steer yourself away fro rebound relationships for a bit, there’s always the hand and an active imagination. Take some Inigo time, explore some forgotten hobbies, go find that thing that interested you but you didn’t find time for, then when it’s time you’ll know, and will be less anxious.

P.S. If you’ve got a wedding ring, keep it on, you’ll be more approachable.