If it’s green, it’s time for you to go see the doctor and get a scrip for antibiotics.
I was taking a math test one unfortunate day when I had a very juicy cold of some sort. Mucus and other nasal natives clogged my passageways so completely, I couldn’t even sniffle. Often, I had to clear manually the slow leak of snot breaking hard for freedom.
Promptly, I ran out of tissues and dry sleeves and a spunky glob had escaped my futile attempts to inhale and managed to drip all the way to my scratch paper. I leaned in, hoping no one had seen my new bodily extension. This foward tilt freed another strand from my other nostril. It too landed on my scratch paper. So there I was, leaning uncomfortably close with two snot trails literally chaining me to my desk.
Because of this new happy angle, the strands thickened and grew and eventually, my nostrils cleared enough for me to chance a blow and finally severed my bonds. By now, the exam was over and the teacher was collecting the test and (!) all scratch paper for proof of work.
Having no choice, I carefully folded mine and turned everything in.
I once was sitting in Latin class, halfway paying attention to the teacher.
Suddenly, I felt the sudden need to cough. I breathed in deeply, and then proceeded to do so.
The first half of the cough felt normal, until I sensed a strange pressure differential between my nose and my throat. I quickly brought my hand closer to my mouth, just as an enormous ball of translucent, quivering snot flew out of my mouth and landed in the palm of my hand. I swear, my entire palm was covered in what seemed like a centimeter-thick layer of slime.
The snot expulsion was accompanied by a wet squelching sound, leaving no doubt among the other students as to what had happened. As they all began to laugh uproariously (teacher included), I quickly rose from my seat and, without saying a word, walked out the door and headed for the bathroom.
Yeah, my doctor put me on to a daily dose of 8 x 500mg Penicillin capsules. 
Then as it turns out I have glandular fever, but that’s another story.
Your stories have continued to both amuse and disgust me. I’m so proud. 
I had one of Ashes, Ashes’s artfully coloured snots yesterday. It was brown, yellow and orange, wrapped in white–like a dog in a wedding dress.
I love you guys!
My stomach is reeling just reading this stuff. Ewwwwwwww!
Well, as for snot stories, I have two…absolutely true and they both happened to poor lil me…
High school history class- I was nearing the end of a heinous sinus infection following a cold. I had just started ‘going out’ with the guy who sat across and behind me in class (two years later he told me he liked me because I had big boobies). I was all trying to impress him, flipping my hair, winking, yadda yadda…when I sneezed. Not only was it a huge sneeze, it was a painful sneeze, and it did nothing to clear my stuffed up head. So, I go and grab a tissue, and give it a blow…about the third try, out pops this thing. It was (I swear) two inches across, greyish pink, solid in the middle, and it had veins. Forget the fact that I could immediately breathe again, that didn’t matter…I was sure I’d just blown out a bit of my brain. I wonder to this day how it possibly fit out my nostril without causing damage…
My first week at camp as a counselor, I had just moved into a dorm room with 5 other girls, and I had a bad cold. I was sitting on the top bunk, getting ready for bed, and I sneezed. Well, something came out this time, a lot of something. I was completely slimed. Both hands, my entire face, and the top of my head were covered in a clear sticky mess. I didn’t just need a tissue, I needed a towel.
I’ve got a cold at the moment, but also have a secondary bacterial infection on top of my virus… interestingly, the bacterial infection only seems to have affected one nostril, but it is very irritating to my sinus which is leaking a little blood into my mucus on that side.
So, I have mucus of all different colours and textures, depending on where I blow or cough it from.
It comes in green, yellow, and orange (bloodstained), in solid lumps, thin liquid, or sticky fat strings. Really, the adhesive and cohesive properties of some of my mucus has to be seen to be believed!
It’s really quite fascinating, I am a veritable wealth of mucodiversity!
[QUOTE=happylittlevegemite]
It comes in green, yellow, and orange (bloodstained), in solid lumps, thin liquid, or sticky fat strings. Really, the adhesive and cohesive properties of some of my mucus has to be seen to be believed!
[QUOTE]
I’m happy to report that I believe in the adhesive and cohesive properties of your mucus with no trouble at all.
No seeing is required. Or desired.
Last year I demolished a room in my basement that used to be a coal bin. Black dust everywhere. Afterwards I went upstairs and blew my nose. What came out had the same color and consistency as hot tar. Lots and lots of it.
Presumably the moderator whose obligation it is to monitor this thread feels differently. 
hockeynut, I had an experience years ago similar to yours with the coal dust. Had to tear all the blackened wallpaper out of the back half of a house that had burned. After several hours of this it was difficult to breathe through my nose, they become so clogged with the soot. When I gave them a good blow it looked like a couple of crows flying out my nose.
I guess when you combine snot and soot, your stuff turns into snoot.
Gazelle’s Little Green Plug.
Like Gazelle of Little Green Plug fame, I, too, have had sinus surgery. (FOUR times.) I could be one of the few people resistant to gross-out on this thread. Although my husband would feel differently. He got to clean up after the surgery while I was out of my mind on drugs. Ewwwww. Not to mention (although I will) that a week later I got to remove the gauze the doctor left in there (no, you ninnies, on purpose) while he was in there messing around. Talk about yick factor.
I have allergies, too, which make my nose run. Which is a good thing because you want to keep the ol’ juices flowing. If I take my allergy medication (which I kind of need to do unimportant things, like breathe) then I dry up bad and start bleeding. Oh the joy.
Y’know, this thread really lives up to the forum title “Simply Must Share”…
A friend of mine at school (1980’s) had an incredible capacity for projecting snot harpoons at a specified target. As I read out a passage of ‘The Merchant of Venice’ in my English class he decided to blow one out onto the page I was reading from. It covered the next paragraph and left me making a feeble excuse to the confused teacher about grafitti covering the text. Good shot though
“It was brown, yellow and orange, wrapped in white–like a dog in a wedding dress.”
I call dibs on this for a .sig!
My story:
I was sitting on the platform of the Linden, NJ train station, and I had been feeling a… thing in my throat for a while, and was trying to hock it out. Suddenly after days of effort, It was loose. For some ungodly reason, I spit it into my hand, and was disturbed to see a custardlike yellow, tinged with a touch of green, and having a shape like a section of a large navel orange section. I was repulsed, but I couldn’t look away. I disposed of it on the tracks (northbound side) and enjoyed an unusually empty feeling in my throat behind my left tonsil. My friend was rather grossed out by my description of my… uberloogie, but I knew that my life would never be the same.
I’m famous for my LGP?
Wow. And all this time I thought my fifteen minutes would be attributable to my fantastic ass.
A la J.Lo.
::sigh::
Uberloogie! <-- Band name!
BTW, I know that yelling “Band Name!” is passe, but I can’t stop doing it.
Okay, am I the only one here who periodically blows out green flakes? They’re usually about a half-inch across, quite solid. Even when I don’t have a cold or anything, every week or two I spend about three days dislodging a flake.
I blow out flakes too, but they’re typically colorless–just a bit opaque. They look like flattened bits of dried mucous with a trail of fresh liquid mucous attached to one side (a snot comet!). I’ve never produced one larger than a quarter of an inch though.