Admit it, Scylla this is just a ruse to get up a private army to come out to your place and take on the Amish, right! "D
Damn straight!
Esprix
::Drillrod breaks out the old and faded Brown Round[sup]tm[/sup]. Puts it on::
Reporting for duty, Sir. Where are the recruits?
All StraightDopers, be they new or old, must rally around the example set by our Grand Leader Scylla. Through Scylla’s words, all SDers will find the inspiration to aid in the cause of the destruction of the Straight Dope neo-fascist clique and their imperialist backers. Only through wide-scale armed rebellion, the organization of death squads throughout all sectors of the Forums, and the mobilization of the armies of oppressed peoples, can our Glorious Revolution be won. But we need not speculate as to whether or not we will be able to meet these demands of the Revolution, for the Revolution is inevitible.
So that our freedom to be jerks be forever protected, all SDers must answer the call and set to work destroying the system. It is you duty to your Forums!
No? Will screw you, you jerks!
So I guess what the (tentatively entitled) Glorious Dope People’s Revolutionary Front needs right now is:
- Some French dude named Mole.
- The entire arsenal from “Worms Armageddon”
- A couple of snare drums.
- Some sort of secret solidarity message to identify who’s on side… I suggest “Boo-Ya.”
- Someone to tell us how to make a sound like a dying giraffe.
- At least one guy with bad teeth and a Russian accent.
But seriously, (yeah right) at the English University here in Montreal that isn’t McGill (sorry Hamish!), someone started up an “All People’s Revolutionary Chess Club”… the idea being that you’d channel your anti-establishment instincts through the medium of chess…
This was before some shit hit the fan at the college, and the guy who started the club was sacked (accused of writing graffiti on a building owned by, but not part of, the university, not given due process). The short story? Don’t let it happen to you, Scylla! Fight the power!
Down with the cryptoFascist running dogs of the imperialist power structure! Up with the Glorious Dope People’s Revolutionary Front! Soon, my brothers and sisters, the entire world will rise up and join us!
Boo-ya!
-SE
I think the Insurrection needs a ‘retro’ touch:
I’ll bring the trebuchets, mangonels, and ballistae. I betcha the Oppressive Security Teams[sup]tm[/sup] won’t even look twice at me as I sneak my devices through their scanners: After all, it’s just lumber, rope, and some big rocks, right…?
I’ll teach them to pay attention to obsolete technology, the Jerks!
Whoa…hey… eeeeeeeezzzeeeeeee now… There’s still the Geneva Convention to worry about here. I’m for armed revolt in any manner for nearly any reason, but let’s stay within the scope of civilized men at war. I’ll even support low yield nukes and even chemical weapons, but putrid, sticky-yeast weapons are just plain mean, man!
[monty python] Fuck off. We’re the People’s Glorious Revolutionary Front of the Straight Dope. [/monty python]
milo
Oooh. Can someone bring the Cat Launcher[sup]TM[/sup]?
Don’t get me wrong. I love my cat, but he is a 22 pound cat with extremely long, sharp claws. When he flies through the air, (without the greatest of ease, lemme tell ya) he becomes a pseudo-Wolverine/cruise missile. He also tends to aim for the crotch.
Oh, and I also have the Spork of Doom[sup]TM[/sup]. I haven’t taken it out of the package yet, so we’re still safe… I think…
::Looks around::
Allright, Lynn, Tuba.
Looks like they’re all here now. You can come in.
Take 'em away and book 'em.
::whips out the Spork of Doom[sup]TM[/sup]::
You’ll never take me alive!
Skerri proceeds to attempt to open the packaging, but when it becomes apparent that there’s no opening it, she runs screaming out of the thread.
: comes charging down a hill, in battle kilt and face half painted blue, and waving a broadsword :
Freedom!!!
AAAUUGGHH! We’ve been had!!
That’s OK…there’s only two of em! Just beware, they hold the mighty and legenday BANNED BAT[sup]TM[/sup]! One hit from that and you go to the Great bulletin board user in the sky!
Quick! someone get on the hotline and get ahold of the nazi groundhogs, and have them stop Scylla’s escape!
Heh! Don’t mind me. I’m just hauling lumber, rope and rocks here.
What?! You don’t believe me?!
::Jumps into mangonel sling, pulls the release::
THWAAAaaannng…!
::Sails off, over the trees::
Ha! I knew there was a reason I was lurking over here in the shadows.
::Tosses brace of machine pistols behind a bush and strolls away, whistling casually::
I just came for the pie.
oh no! and i could never hide this handcannon in time to pass myself off as an innocent!
well…
<chnk-chink!>
HERE WE GO!
<drops a concussion grenade into the chamber and launches it right into tuba’s roaring visage>
<promtly repeats the process with the howling lynn>
< follows those up with a shrapnel bomb right between the evil duo, all three missles on the air before the first hits>
BOOM! BOOM! Bunkgh-CHUNK!
the walls are splattered with hamburger! saepiroth lets forth a tentative cheer; perhaps the insurrection was a success, even at this late hour?
No! the gobs and bits have begun to flow together, forming two slightly pulsating mounds of viscera; the evil ones are using their demon-granted Administrator abilities to regenerate their shredded bodies!
Saepiroth screams, turns to run and soon soils himself as he passes a corner, but the two hell-istrators streak around the bend at an unreal speed!
AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—
blood showers, and the scent of fresh raw meat hangs on the air.
Does anybody claim this punch and pie?
Anybody?
Good…munch, munch.
Wanders back into shadows to enjoy snack
So, piracy is out now because the weapons weren’t cool enough? Or did potential recruits confuse cutlasses and sabres with Detroit gas-guzzlers?
Where’s the loot at the end of this armed insurrection?
Bah. Back in my day, we went through with armed insurrections with only torches and pitchforks, and dammit, we succeeded just fine. All you whipper-snappers need your “guns” and “explosives”… pansy-asses! Gimme a dozen of my old crew - Slim, Bubble Joe, Cliff, Eastwick, Lister - and we’ll whup y’all back into shape with our canes and hemorrhoid donuts.