Og—>John Rhys-Davies
<— as himself.
I could be played by a Star Destroyer. Or, I’m told I look like the dude that played Paul from the Wonder Years. Or the singer for Live.
Czarcasm would be played with fiendish glee by Steve Buscemi, who would ultimately save the day by disrupting the forces of darkness with The infamous Straight Dope Goat Cannon.
Yr Humble Hometownboy is angling for a portrayal by Sir Peter Ustinov
Once the movie is a hit, and they make sequel after sequel, they will need to make a prequel …
[ Voiceover ] In a world of ignorance …
( Short montage of various trolls )
[ v.o. ] In a land of stupidity …
( Camera pans out, showing that the trolls are huge in number )
[ v.o. ] One man …
( Shot of a young Cecil, bravely striding towards a group of trolls )
[ v.o. ] … will discover that he is the only one …
( shot of a young Ed Zotti yelling, “No, Cecil! It’s too dangerous! Their ignorance is too great!” )
[ v.o. ] … who can make a difference.
( Rapid-fire, action-packed montage of young Cecil doing battle with countless trolls, his trusty side-kick Zotti always at his side. This is set to whatever rock music was popular back when Cecil was a boy. Cut to a scene of the two brave heros surrounded and outnumbered )
Zotti: This is the end …
Cecil: If whining were Corn Flakes, you’d be General Mills. These trolls don’t know who they’re messing with. Actually, they don’t know much of anything.
[ v.o. ] Straight Dope Zero: The Rise of Cecil
“The Straight Dope: The Movie” is currently in production.
It’s the story of the entire history of the world, right? Is there anything that’s never been brought up on here?
“The Straight Dope: The Movie” has so far lasted (current best estimate) 10 to 20 billion years, and is projected on a screen approximately 20 to 40 billion light-years wide (and tall). The headliners change every few years; at the current stage in the plot, there are about 6 billion actors.
I would prefer to watch it at a drive-in, so I could bring beer.
Ooh… Can I be the floozy who flirts with everyone? Please??
But who would play me?
However, I’ve just realised this - I would want to be the intelligent floozy, what with being an astrophysicist… 
Angua, maybe Denise Richards could reprise her role as rocket scientist or whathever it was in that James Bond movie.
I know, she looks nothing like you, but hey, it’s a movie!
Would that be the Dr Christmas character?
Dr. Jones, that is, Christmas Jones. You certainly know your classics!
Sorry! My brain’s being deep fried at the moment…
I think Kevin Spacey would make a great Cecil, but since I started the thread I will claim him for myself. Most people tell me I look like Rick Schroeder though.
Tommy Chong could play an amalgamation of all the various potheads on the boards.
Jon
who would play polycarp?
Ben Affleck could play me, and Matt Damon could be MeanOldLady.
Heh, I think BlackKnight’s suggestion sounds great!
I’ve got one too… hm…
Perhaps Hong Kong movie, or anime style.
Cecil is in a bar, sipping a martini, along with some of the closest Teeming Millions by his side. Enter two huge guys wearing sunglasses and business suits.
** Are you Cecil Adams?
Yes, that’s me.
Come with us.**
Cue martini glass falling and shattering in a million pieces on the floor.
Five of the Teeming Millions go towards the guys, ready to fight.
Cecil raises one hand, and they retreat.
He walks out of the bar with the two men.
I don’t know where this could go afterwards, though I rather like it so far
Good Lord.
Cecil Adams CANNOT appear in the movie! Only his voice may be heard!
Which, of course, should be played by James Earl Jones.
By the way, there would definitely be some kind of dark music, and the set would be dark too.
Does this have robot monkey butlers with 1920s style death rays?