Good for you.
I spoke to my wife’s mother about it as her parents are separated. My wife wanted me to since it would have been expected in her culture and she wanted her parents kept happy. It was less “permission” than “Hey, I plan on asking your daughter to marry me at some point so heads up” with a response along the lines of “Well, you’re living with her so you’d better.”
The implication of the comment I was responding to was that women who are close with their fathers would have their chose mates ask for permission. And yes, asking permission is ceding power to refuse permission.
I didn’t say anything about blessings. Blessings are not permission (though they are a still often pretty sexist).
To each his/her own.
I kept my maiden name when I got married. I believe the practice of taking your husband’s name is a lot more backwards and antiquated than asking for a father’s blessing. But I also recognize that many women feel differently, and I respect that.
No, he didn’t. The engagement and wedding was between us and there was no reason to involve my father. We paid for the wedding ourselves for basically the same principle.
You assume that everyone is like you are should be like you. And your judgment that they are not enlightened if they aren’t is kind of intolerant. There are people that have differing opinions than you, and that’s okay.
Honestly, it’s only one of very many ridiculous traditions around marriage that some, but not all, people find romantic. From the price of an engagement ring all the way to the decoration of the “getaway” car (three months later and I still can’t get all the shoe polish off my windows…hearts pop up when it rains) there are dozens of traditions that are of supreme importance to some, no importance to others, and downright disgusting and offensive to others (cake face smearing was Not Going To Happen at my wedding, and it didn’t.) Know your audience and communicate…kind of like, well, married life.
I requested the blessings from my wife’s Father and Mother (together) before I proposed to her.
She is glad I did.
As a matter of fact, it was her mother and father, but her mother already knew. I wouldn’t consider it as “father’s property” just something I would like to know. Doesn’t have to be before he actually asked her.
Well, the tradition I was following was not “before consulting it with her.” What do you know, different people have different traditions…:rolleyes:
I agree with this. By the way some comments were going, if you even THOUGHT about asking your future bride’s father, you weren’t even worthy TO marry anymore, or that you are a sexist, woman-holding-down, pig. That is the hate I was responding too.
It’s true that I think that if you are getting married, you should be an adult woman, and adult women don’t need a man’s permission to do things.
Shoving cake in your new spouse’s face…another great tradition! Never going to happen at my wedding either. You would have thought we’d brought shame on every marriage from the moans and groans when I refuse to do it.
We skipped the part with the garter too. And the money dance. And the bachelor party strippers. I’m so boring.
I asked for his blessing (not his permission). For what it’s worth, I also asked my parents for their blessing. Not getting it wouldn’t have changed my mind, but it felt nice to have explicit family support the marriage. And my wife indicate that her father would appreciate the gesture.
Even if I believed that you believe that, asking for a blessing or permission or whatever is not giving the woman her father’s permission to get married. I was doing it for ME to get his blessing/permission to marry his daughter. Not the same thing at all.
Heh.
I actually asked my husband to marry me (he was planning to ask but took too long). Afterwards, we called both sets of parents and said we hoped we could have their blessing. (Implicit was the assumption that whether or not they gave their blessing we were going to go through with it.) ETA: I called his parents and he called mine. This actually led to a misunderstanding, funny in retrospect, when he had to leave a voice mail to call him back, and my parents were really worried that I was in trouble because why would he be calling them instead of me?
My sister’s boyfriend (now husband) asked our dad’s permission. My parents didn’t give it! (Well, they said that it was a very quick engagement and asked them to wait a little while.) They got married anyway. My parents held a grudge about this for a while, but have finally gotten over it.
I get that some people think of asking the father’s permission as this traditional and romantic sort of thing, but one thing to keep in mind is… what are your chances that he will say no?
Pfff. Hell no. He didn’t even get invited to the wedding. (Note: This isn’t because I at all dislike my father in law, but the whole process was rather impromptu, and he lives 11 time zones away.)
No I did not ask for my wife’s hand in marriage. I wanted the whole thing.
So, she didn’t need his permission to get married, she just needed his permission to marry you?
And blessing and permission are not the same thing.
Reminds me of the classic Tom Lehrer song …
We had a bunch of pies instead of cake because pie is, you know, way better. My mother-in-law was tireless in her attempts to talk us out of it.
I think you are misunderstanding the typical situation. It’s basically a, “This is happening. It’d be great if you got on board. Here’s your chance.” sort of thing.
That falls into the “asking for a blessing” category. I’m talking about the “asking for permission” category.
The “blessing” category is still often based on the sexes of the individuals, so it’s often still sexist. But the “permission” category is much worse.