Straight Men, Intimacy and Porn

The BBQ Pit
1

You ever have an idea or concept racing through your head for days? It’s a feeling that you know something, you completely understanding something new and phenomenal, but you have no way to express it. Well I think I finally put all the pieces together. Everything fits now. And hopefully I’ll be able to explain what the hell it is I’m talking about. But first I’m going to have to explain some fundamental steps. Also, a lot of this is probably TMI, so be warned.

Destroying the myths of intimacy.

You know, it’s the year 2007 and I’m really fucking sick of all the immature gender stereotypes that continue to float around. I think this is especially true for America, but I’m sure all nations suffer from it.

Honestly I think it’s dimwits like Howard Stern and Adam Corolla that are setting us back hundreds of years. Not only are they both incredibly stupid and unfunny, but they are both completely insecure homophobes. They honestly think that if you’re a man, and you show any sort of attribute that could be considered “feminine”, then you’re a flaming homo. I wouldn’t even give a shit if it weren’t for the millions of sheep that actually listen to these morons every night.

I’m a straight man, and I really loathe the concept that men don’t enjoy intimacy. I don’t think any human being can live without intimacy. I love it when a girl spends the night and I get to hold her in my arms. I love it when a girl gazes into my eyes and smiles softly. It’s little things like this that can really make life not feel like a giant sack of turds.

And you know what’s better than intimacy? When you mix intimacy with foreplay and sex. I have no clue why, but I absolutely love delicately kissing a girl’s stomach. I don’t know what the hell it is, maybe there’s something wrong with my brain, but it’s one of the greatest things ever. I love sliding my fingers up and down a girl’s arm. Why does that turn me on? I don’t know, it just does. Also sometimes I just love to slowly sink my teeth into a girl’s ass. Yeah I may be weird, but it feels wonderful.

If men love intimacy, why is there no intimacy in porn?

Alright so I gave a list of things that I consider to be very intimate. And I’m sure whoever is reading this has a completely different list. And that’s great. But seriously, think of all those weird, quirky, intimate things you enjoy doing with a girl. Would you honestly want to see another man doing them?

Do you think I would enjoy watching a man gaze into a woman’s eyes? Would I enjoy watching a man embrace a woman, then smile like a carefree buffoon? Would I enjoy watching some dude delicately kiss or slowly caress the skin of a woman? Incase the answer isn’t obvious, hell no!

Why not? Well to be completely honest, men are really ugly. What do women see in us? I have no idea. Honestly I begin to lose my lunch whenever I see a man’s face in porn. Even when he’s just licking a girl’s hoo hoo, it turns my stomach. Watching that gross, jagged, hairy face, and his disgusting pink tongue slither out is about the same as watching a European woman give birth. Thanks but I’ll pass.

What if I still want intimacy in porn?

Well… right now, there is no solution. I mean yeah, there’s softcore porn and erotica, but that crap is designed for women. If straight men don’t like seeing other men being intimate, the obvious solution is to show two girls being intimate. However if you’ve seen a lot of lesbian porn ahem, you’d realize that 99% of it doesn’t have any sense of intimacy. And the ones that attempt it, don’t do it right.

Why is this? Well honestly, it’s because porn directors are extremely stupid. They believe that “if it works for straight porn, then it will work for lesbian porn”. It’s truly sad, but I think most porn directors are so brainless that they actually buy into the stereotypical Howard Stern fantasy. They honestly believe that guys like disgusting plastic bimbos with giant fake tits. They think men secretly want women to look and act like whores.

Let me ask you a question. You ever drive past a prostitute on some dirty street corner and think to yourself, “man, I’d just love to take her home and do her”? Of course not! So why would you want to see women who look and act like whores in porn? What, am I supposed to fantasize about getting a VD while I rub one off?

What needs to be changed? How would you fix it?

If some day I find myself with excess money and some free time, I’m honestly going to go out and make the “ultimate” porno. It’s going to have realism, buildup, sexual tension, and of course intimacy. Yeah it may not sell and I may get laughed at, but really it just needs to be done. This is exactly what I would do:

First off like I already said, it would have to be lesbian porn. There’s just no way around it. Now these girls need to pass as lesbians. I’m not saying make them “butch”. I’ve seen some “fem” lesbians and they can be smoking hot. If you’ve seen Nicole Vicius in this movie (work safe), you’ll see that she plays a very pretty, very sexy, convincing lesbian. Simply cast two girls who fit this bill.

Now, how do you create intimacy? You can’t just throw these girls on a bed and say “Be intimate!” You’re going to have to sell it to the audience. First you need realism. Convince us that these girls are into each other. To do this you need to show them outside the bedroom. Show them in situations where there’s lots of flirting, giggling, cute glances and subtle, playful touching.

Seriously start the film by having these girls go out on a date. Some of it could be filmed by watching them converse, the rest could be a sort of montage. Seeing two girls that are really into each other can be a huge turn on all by itself. Honestly having ten, fifteen or even twenty minutes of build up would be fine with me. I want to feel the sexual tension. I want to actually believe that these girls are dying to get in each other’s pants.

So we finally get them into the bedroom. Don’t ruin the film now by turning this into an over the top, violent orgasm fest with strap on dildos or other “toys”. Again, make it look and feel natural. There has to be cute, mischievous smiles. Deep, gazing eye contact. Show these girls discover each other’s bodies. Show them delicately and passionately kiss each other all over. Show them do all those weird things that you would enjoy doing.

And yeah, eventually show them “go all the way”. This isn’t some bullcrap softcore porn. However even when you get to the good stuff continue to make it intimate and passionate. It needs to preserve a natural flow throughout the entire film. At no point should it ever be “just fucking”.

Now this is what I would call an actual fantasy about lesbians. Why is it that no one has ever attempted this???

2

Dude, it’s the Internet. Whatever you’re looking for is out there. In fact, check out this thread:

3

There’s definitely something wrong with your brain. No normal person enjoys kissing a girl’s stomach. Pervert.

Also, as fascinating as the detailed description of your turn-ons and turn-offs is, why is this in the Pit?

4

Half an hour of porn actor conversation until the babes are muff diving? That’s not porn, that’s punishment.

5

And did you really just use the phrase “hoo hoo”?

6

Speak for yourself. I know that when I watch ten guys cornhole a chick and then splorge on her face in rapid succession I would like there to be cuddling and afterglow.

7

Yeah I’ve known about Abby Winters for a while now. While I enjoy her stuff a lot, it’s just not what I’m after. First off, she uses a lot of real lesbians, and they can be “too butch” for my taste. Some of them are really cute and pretty, but not all of them.

What I want to see is a lesbian porn that is filmed like a movie. It doesn’t need a plot, or story, but it needs those key elements you see in a film that give us the illusion that “this could be happening”.

For the most part, I’m searching for a porn that combines a perfect blend of realism and fantasy. And that has never really been done. I think Viv Thomas’s Pink Velvet trilogy has come the closest to what I’m describing. However I’m not really attracted to the girls he cast, and they never really go deep into intimacy like I would want them to.

8

I would get flamed if I said this :frowning:

9

This is definitely a big part of the problem. Porn stars can’t act.

10

So, a Pit thread to post a (Lesbian) Penthouse Forum letter.

Strange.

11

I agree that most porn is boring, but for reasons entirely different than whatever the OP is on about. In fact, his suggestions of showing more “day in the lesbian life” footage is hilariously likely to make porn even more boring than it already is.

So basically I’m saying this thread is gay.

12

is that like a “what twat”?

13

Well of course not. Porn actors are not getting paid for their acting ability, outside of the women actors’ faking orgasms and pretending to enjoy it when guys splorge all over their faces. They’re getting paid to have sex while the cameras are rolling, and to look hawt while doing so.

14

Don’t be so sure he won’t. The thread is young.

**Senior Smith, ** I hope you get permission before you go ass-chomping. You may laugh that I say that, but some people think that once you’ve decided to jump into bed with them, anything they do is OK. Um, no.

15

Yeah, but that’s because you’re sort of a dick.

16

Sorry I used “go out on a date” as a generic example. And now I feel stupid for portraying two girls talking at a dinner table for 20 minutes. Yeah that would suck.
What I meant was, give us 20 minutes of buildup. Here’s a scenario that I wanted to write out, but the OP was already getting way too long:

Lets say the film is about two college girls. We start out with both them in a classroom. They’re giggling, and writing stupid notes to each other. They’re laughing too loud, maybe being a little annoying, but it’s cute.

Now we’re outside the class, and Girl A asks Girl B if she wants to hang out tonight with some friends. It’s here that you begin to see that something’s going on. The cute smiles, the tension. It kicks ass.

Next part we see the two girls hanging out with a group of other girls. They could be at a bar, some state fair, whatever. And you don’t need dialog, you just need to show the motions. Show them flirting, having fun, etc. This could be filmed in a montage format.

Now they’re back at their house, or a dorm or whatever. They could be sipping on whine, bullshitting, making each other laugh. And remember, it’s not what they say, it’s how they say it. It’s those cute glances, and subtle touches. There would be very little actual dialogue in the film.

And by now, 10, 15 or 20 minutes have passed, and they end up in the bedroom. The buildup was necessary to create the realism. You really feel the sexual tension.

17

Well sure, after is fine, but not BEFORE!

18

Maybe you should quit watching porn and spend intimate time with a real girl. Or, you could just fantasize as you beat off. You know, if porn is such a let down.

19

Oh yes, this would definitely be huge on the open pornography market. Especially if you could work in some symbolism, like a guy dressed as a cucumber chasing people around or a mime on a unicycle to represent the girls’ ennui.

20

Don’t forget that, unlike a normal film, pornographic videos are usually watched many times. 20 minute introductions are going to be somewhat annoying.