I’m trying to figure out if I’m weird, or if this is standard female psychology. I’m a straight woman. Let’s say I’m sexually available, and my choices are a man I’m attracted to, a man I’m not attracted to, and a woman. I would definitely most want to fool around with the man I’m attracted to. But, if forced to choose between the woman or the man that I am not attracted to, I would choose the woman. An unattractive man generates a stronger disgust reaction in me than a female does.
Can other women relate to this concept? Or am I just weird? (Pretty sure straight men would rather mess around with the unattractive woman than the man, which is why I’m not posing the question to them. But if you’re a straight male and want to contribute to this thread, feel free.)
I’ve seen some interpretations of “bisexuality” that are incredibly broad, and if you interpret it broadly enough, then maybe. But I don’t consider myself bisexual. I have never so much as considered dating a woman, and I have never fantasized about sleeping with a woman, either. I mean, I guess maybe by posing this hypothetical I’ve considered it, but I’ve certainly never … you know. Fantasized about a woman the way I have fantasized about various men that I’ve been attracted to over the course of my life.
I’ve made out with women at parties when I’ve been drinking, which is enough that some people insist I must be bisexual. But I only do it in front of a male audience, and a lot of men are turned on by it, so even then, it doesn’t feel like I’m really doing it for the woman. I’ve never messed around with a woman in private, and I have no desire to, either.
It could be that a lot of women are just a bit more fluid in their orientation then men are. Many straight men, for instance, would or could never do the male version of what you said: “Make out with a woman at parties in front of a male audience.” I could never make out with a man for a female audience, no matter how much people cheered or insisted. So it could be that women, even straight women, are simply mentally wired with more ability to tolerate the act of making out or fantasizing about someone of the same gender than men can.
You really don’t like hypotheticals, do you? Think of it as a would-you-rather question, in the vein of “Would you rather have no hands or no feet?” The reasoning behind why your hands or feet would be cut off is beside the point. The crux of the question is: “Which is more disgusting to you?”
The definition of “a woman who has feels sexual desire towards other men but not other women.” My point is that I feel attracted to certain men, I do not feel attracted to women. But I also feel more repulsed by certain (a rather large subset of) men than I am by most women.
“Making out” at a party for an audience, not sure what that’s called, it is hardly exhibitionism or dogging or autagonistophilia, but there must be a name for it. I am not sure just anybody randomly selected at a party would be into that.
If you are not attracted to or having sex with women then I do not think your behaviour is too homosexual by most standards. If you enjoy putting on a little show, that is cool, no need to psychoanalyse it too deeply.
I am just cynical in that there are a lot of people such that talking to them for five minutes is enough to engender a strong disgust reaction, as you put it. Can’t I just go home… (assuming I am not getting anywhere with the captivating and fascinating individual(s) I was attracted to in the first place)
I would not feel like forcing myself to do anything performative (I have been at parties where people were playing some sexy party games but that was just for fun… well, some people were more into it than others, I have no idea what they may have done or not done in private later) , but that is just me.
I do mean sexually. What I’m saying is, presumably, a straight woman is not turned on by either women or men that she is not attracted to. They’d both be turn-offs, but one category might be more of a turn-off than the other one.
To use an example not involving men or women: you may be turned off by tattoos, and you may be turned off by bad teeth, but you might be more turned off by bad teeth than tattoos.
If you are less attracted to ugly men then to pretty women, the almost goes without saying that you are more attracted to pretty women than you are to ugly men. Not straight.
I don’t think I’d be wont to do something sexual with another woman. Hmm well maybe a really well dressed masc-presenting woman who smells good. I don’t think I’d be turned on in any way by a really feminine woman. Possibly because I’m much larger and stronger than most women, I’d be afraid I wouldn’t know what to do with them. But if someone comes at me matching my male energy then let’s go, daddy.
As a straight male, I would say my default position is: I’m not usually thinking about it. It’s not a matter of being turned on or off?
There is a view that everyone is somewhere on a continuum between straight, gay or bi. But I don’t feel that personally. I have never felt any attraction to men. But certainly I sometimes see a woman who ‘strikes on my box’, as the saying goes. May not be conventionally beautiful, but attractive to me.
But I’m quite happily married, so it’s rather an abstract issue….
I think the “a rather large subset of” is what does the heavy lifting, and why this question is more relevant WRT straight women than straight men. Obviously I can’t speak for all men, but the subset of women who I would put in the category of “repulsed by” is very small. We’re talking about those women who are either extremely old (and even then, there are some women close to 80 who wouldn’t fall under the category of sexually unattractive, Lesley Ann Warren is still sexy at 79), or have some sort of physical problem that obviously indicates a major disease status (bedsores / other open or infected wound, very poor dentition, severe hair loss, extreme BO that doesn’t go away with bathing, etc.).
ETA: To bring it back to your OP, it isn’t that straight men are more sexually repulsed by other men than straight women are by other women. It’s that straight men are (mostly) less likely to put a woman in the sexually repulsive category than straight women are with men.
No, I’d say you’re doing it to the woman, using her for what you get out of it. How did these women feel after you were finished? Or did you bother to find out?
And there are some of us who feel no such attraction to either/or. I might find either men or woman attractive but there is absolutely no thing that gets turned on.
Or did they bother to find out how our OP felt about it?
This sorta smells to me like something that takes two possibly eager, but definitely willing, participants. Nobody was holding their figurative nose while being forced by peer pressure or worse to do this.
Might some participants, OP or otherwise, have been sufficiently wasted that it seemed like a fine idea at the time but they felt bad about it tomorrow? Certainly.