I have to wear a plastic namebadge where I work.
Everytime I pick up the badge, I think to myself “Henceforth, this will be known as the subjunctive king.” Then I wonder what the hell chorpler means.
Anybody else do anything like this?
What?
Why is everybody looking at me like that?
Where are you going? 
Once in a while, when I look into my silverware drawer, I’m reminded of a phrase I coined in the Pit (somebody found it amusing): “pack of assforks.” No, that’s not what any of my forks are for, but you asked.
I can’t look at headphones or earplugs with out giggling uncontrollably.
Every single time something crappy happens I compose a pit thread in my head. I never post them but the thought “I pit you” makes me feel better.
I kind of stagger around swishily. People think I’m either drunk or effeminate. Yarrr…