Sorry if this is TMI, but it came up today and I realized it’s been bothering me for some time.
In various books and around various campfires and on various parts of the internet, I’ve heard reference made to crusty socks, stiff towels, hell, even sticky stuffed animals (Mickey Mouse?). My question is I suppose twofold: when you’re having a little “self-improvement” session, where do you finish? And if your answer is not “in some tissues,” why?
From an early age, this always seemed to make the most sense to me. Living at home, it was a lot easier to wad up some toilet paper and chuck it than it would have been to explain white stains on a towel when my mom went to do the laundry. After growing up and getting out, it’s always just seemed like the easiest solution. You finish and you get rid of the tissues and you’re done. I suppose if you’re trying to be really green, a towel is less environmentally damaging than throwing away tissues all the time, but from what I read about (usually) socks, this doesn’t seem to be the primary motivation.
So can someone explain this to me? If you get off on jerking off into socks I can understand, but otherwise what’s going on here?
Women, if you discharge with orgasm, or have occasion to observe someone who does, feel free to weigh in. And note that this isn’t about sex. Sometimes it gets everywhere and that’s fine, but if you’re just looking for a quick wank, why would you go the messier (IMO) route?
Responding purely to the OP title, my response would be “dispose of the body”. But, since the action appears to be a euphemism for something with which I have not been familiar for many, many years, I cannot offer a credible suggestion. I will say that there is a hilarious scene in “American Pie” in which the main character is discovered by his parents with his erect member inserted halfway into a tube sock. That’d be my choice, were it necessary for me to go “murdering clergy”.
Generally some sort of tissue, whether Kleenex or toilet paper. I’ve taken to keeping a roll of paper towels in my room recently, and those are nice and big and absorbent. I’m out of paper towels right now, though, so it’s been an old, worn-out pair of boxers that will probably just get tossed anyway.
Being married with 2.5 kids, the only place I can really go be intimate with myself is in the bathroom. The shower is perfect. The sink works in a pinch.
I’ve never liked using toilet paper. It tends to paste itself to the helmet. I prefer some kind of immediate access to water.
I use whatever is closest. Simple as that. Considering that I live alone and the majority of my special time is spent in front of a computer or in bed paper products usually aren’t the handiest option. They are small and don’t absorb much and sometimes a little rubbing is required. Some big piece of cloth is optimal.
Pretty much I’ll just go with whatever is closest and next to go in the wash. Sometimes thats a sock on the floor, sometimes it’s a T shirt I’m wearing (never a nice one) and sometimes it’s the boxers. Once in a blue moon there’ll be a bath towel on hand and that’s like riding in a limo.
I can see why clothing might sound like a headache, but if you are doing your own laundry why settle for a little wimpy kleenex unless it saves you a trip across the room.
I use a napkin to “catch the leprechaun.” The napkin isn’t involved until the grand finale, so there are no sticking-issues. I keep a stack of fast food napkins by my computer.
The flip-side to this question, of course, is what females do with the same…um…“product.” After it’s been launched into their female cavity.
You can try to mop up immediately following the activity, but things that go up do not always immediately travel south.
It’s kind of a mess, actually. Annoying and tends to the crispy side after a few hours. “I can’t wear THESE jeans again tomorrow!”
Re: the OP, I’ve noticed that my SO’s towels are occasionally marked by these occasions. I can’t tell if it’s after mutual entertainment or if it was a solo activity; I don’t really care, as long as they are not my towels.
After I strangle a bishop, I tend to try to pin the knights down or simply try to create more room for my queen. Fastest way to clear up the middle of the board? Go after pawns.
Ha ! My immediate thought too; I was going to recommend arson, since it tends to destroy all sorts of incriminating evidence. I suppose you could still use that method for the somewhat smaller sort of bishop the OP intended, but it would be overkill.
