[QUOTE=Lakai]
[Small Hijack]Just wondering, and you don’t have to get too specific if you don’t want to, but why was it so bad? Did you have to fight in a war? And how has the Army made you less bored? [/Small Hijack]
[/QUOTE]
Well, it wasn’t that bad. I didn’t fight in a war fortunately; my time was up long before 9/11. The thing is that my decision to join the army wasn’t thought out that well. It was based on a total misapprehension of my abilities and my interests in life. I did make an OK soldier, but I wasn’t Sergeant fucking Rock, and I had to work my ass off just to be average. I found out my limitations the hard way, and I found them out quickly. In addition, the bullshit level in the military was incredible. I know that people read that and go, “Well, duh!” but really, you can’t imagine the level of bureaucracy and idiotic regulations unless you’ve experienced it for yourself.
I don’t blame the army, of course. No one put a gun to my head and made me join, and as I indicated above, quite a few good people close to me tried to talk me out of it. I consider the military to be an honorable institution, and anyone who can put in 20 years in any MOS, especially combat arms has my unqualified respect. It’s hard for me all these years later to remember exactly why I signed up. I guess I was bored after college, unwilling to consider what I had majored in as a career, and looking for adventure. In addition, I had recently ended a long term romantic relationship and realized that the life I had lived from high school through college was for all intents and purposes over. It was time for a fresh start, and starts don’t come much fresher than the military. As far as the thought of combat–which looked like a distinct possibility even back then, what with North Korea acting up, I wouldn’t say that I didn’t think about getting fucked up, but at the time, for the reasons I listed above, I don’t think I cared one way or another. Hell, I’m just glad I didn’t go with my first instinct and join the Marines!
So much for the bad stuff (and again, it wasn’t that bad). The reason I’m no longer bored has to do with the fact that in the military, you find out exactly who you are and what you can do, and you find that out pretty damned quickly. It wasn’t like college, where I could bullshit myself and the profs into thinking that I was better than I really was. There’s no room for that in the army. There’s no place to hide. If you’re stupid or forgetful or lazy, that’s going to come out. If you put on weight easily, that’s going to come out, too. If you have problems getting along with people, you had better believe that’s going to be revealed, too. The downside is that it’s a pain in the ass to learn all that quickly. The upside is that at least you learn. By the time I got through AIT and reported to my first duty station in Korea, I knew exactly what I was good at and what I wasn’t. I knew that I was a hard worker and somewhat intelligent, and I had worked through and overcome problems that had plagued me throughout my life before the army. I also knew that there was no way I was ever going to be Airborne Ranger or SF, and I could kiss off my dreams of becoming a cop after the army, too. I realized in the army that I was a geek, for better or for worse.
It’s hard to explain, but I guess to simplify things, I learned how to be an innovator and a problem solver, and now even if there’s nothing to do in front of me, I can still interest myself in thinking through problems. That’s a big help in life, and it’s also a boredom killer. Also, I got interested in languages and started teaching myself Korean. By the end of my year in Korea, I was conversant and could even beat out a couple of the linguists in our battalion. I’ve since kept up with it, and now I can read online newspapers in Korean, although I wouldn’t consider myself fluent.
Whew, I’m afraid I started rambling there. Sorry if I put you to sleep. If you don’t want to wade through all of that, I’ll just sum it up as follows: I went into the army praying for a new life and insight into who I was (I was a theist at the time), and I’ll be goddamned if the army didn’t deliver. It was a difficult, expensive path to a fresh start, and I can’t say as I liked all the lessons I learned about myself, but I gave the military my all like I promised, and it gave me a new life like it promised. No hard feelings.
And don’t even think about following my example. Different time, different army, different world. There are better ways to find yourself.
