When you make an accidental farting sound, like with your chair or your shoe or something, you do it again just so that everyone knows that you didn’t really fart.
When someone returns a pot or pan, Tupperware or a cooking utensil back to you, you always smell it just to make sure that they cleaned it right.
If I’m waiting for an elevator after pressing the Up or Down call button, and you walk up to also ride the elevator. You will press the call button even if it’s obviously lit up and I’m obviously waiting for the elevator already. But good job on doing it better, otherwise we might have been waiting here all day.
Actually, when I make an accidental fart sound, I immediately fart for real.
I know that you’ve gone into a room to do something, got distracted by something else, then forgot what you went in there for and stood there puzzled.
I just assume they didn’t clean it right and clean it myself.
I know that when you are in front of the vanity getting a drink of water in the bathroom at night, you look behind you in the mirror, just to make sure.
I know you’re not really stretching your arms. You’re smelling your pits.
I’m not much of a cleaner, so I always assume they’ve exceeded what I woulda done.
BZZZZT! wrong. I don’t lend that stuff out. Get your own damn pots and pans.
This is the proper thing to day as it tricks people into thinking it really was just the chair and then 10 seconds later when the smell hits them they get all confused.
I know that when you’re walking somewhere, then realize that you forgot something and have to do an about face and walk in the other direction, you swear or make a pained face so that people around you don’t think that you’re the kind of person who does an about face and walks in the other direction for no good reason.
I know that after a good night’s sleep when you wake up in the morning one of the very first things you do before you greet the day is pee.
Jeez John, your chair sure smells like crap.
Holy fuck a farting chair!
You are secretly enamored of Regis Philbin.
It’s no secret. Regis is smokin’ hot.
Best post username combo of the day.
I know that you believe firmly that anyone who drives slower than you is an idiot and anyone who drives faster than you is a goddamn maniac.
Yeah, I still don’t know what to call them that fly around you, cut in front of you, then slow to 25 mph. Posted speed? 65mph.
When you call someone “promiscuous,” what you’re really saying is, “has more sex than I do.”