Hey there Silver Fire, I’m not married but I’ll wear the ring if it’ll improve my chances. 
I never get exactly three pills out of the bottle.
I’ve never had a bad mother-in-law. I’ve never broken a bone. I didn’t have strangers touching my belly when I was pregnant either.
I’ve never had a wizened old person, especially the kindly old black janitor, give me sage advice.
Best wishes,
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Grr! I just had my Doritos stuck in the vending machine this morning. I yelled at the damn thing. “I will not eat a healthy breakfast. I will not!” So now I have two bags.
I never saw or was offered drugs in high school. I know they had to be there, I just never saw any. I don’t want them, but I’m surprised I was never offered.
In the “never got an offer” department, I was a college prof for 20+ years and never had a coed who said she’d “do anything” for a better grade. Of course I’m a serious computer geek so:
- Maybe they all knew that it would be a waste of time.
- Offers were made but sufficiently subtle that I wasn’t aware of them.
Or - (Hi) Opal was never my student.
I was never bullied in high school, never seriously teased or mocked, never got in a fight. I liked everyone and everyone liked me. Yeah, it was boring.
lolz. Nah, it just sometimes seems like it. I often joke that if there is a crowd of 20,000 people and I’m in it, every loony in the bunch will talk to me before the day is over and at least 3 of them will touch me. I have no idea what kind of a vibe I give off that makes it happen, but friends have gone so far as to surround me in crowds as a protective barrier because I’m simply flypaper for freaks.
I never win any raffles. It’s become a joke with me. Why even fill out the ticket!
I am fly paper for freaks too but I think it is because I like people in general. When you buy trail mix there are always all kinds of assorted nuts along with raisins and dried fruit.
I can’t decide if it’s because I’m friendly, they assume I won’t fight back if attacked, or someone thinks I need taken down a peg. It’s bizarre.
My mother-in-law is great.
My wife’s mother-in-law, on the other hand, is a pain in the ass!
I flew yesterday, and a young couple with a baby were my seatmates. The baby was quiet and extremely well-behaved.
I’ve never had relatives, friends, or strangers pester me about when I’m gonna get married or have babies. They seem content to let me do it in my own time, or not at all. The closest I came was an elderly Persian man giving me his sincere wishes that I would be married and have “many sons”.
I’ve never had a broken bone.
I’ve never had to deliver a baby in an elevator.
Dude.
Okay, so I was 22 years old living with my then-boyfriend, and my religious as fuck mom, of course, frowned upon our “shacking up.” A few times she’d try to work in our need to get married, but I’d always change the subject, or suddenly have to go. So enter one day we are in her car, on the freeway in the LA area, which means we are goddamn trapped in that car, when… that’s right… she brings it up. Oh woman, you have got to be kidding me. Are you really going to give a 22 year old a marriage speech right now, while we are trapped in your vehicle in on the 10 freeway? I was half tempted to open the door and tuck-and-roll out.
So after I eventually got married, and not to the guy I was dating when I was 22, ma asked me when we would be having kids. Um, how about never, ma? I don’t have babies. That’s just not something that I do. Fortunately I never was trapped into the baby conversation, but still. Still, she already has grandbabies. I think she just wanted one in wedlock. Sorry, mom, love you, but you bet on the wrong horse.