Stupid Deadbeat Sister

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve already described a bit about my sister in this thread. Well, things have just gotten worse. My sister was evicted from the apartment my father helped her to get, and didn’t bother telling any of us until the day my brother left here to go home (the apartment was for both of them, she neglected to pay the rent while he was here visiting).

So, he’s on the airplane and doesn’t know he has no fucking place to go when he gets off the plane. I’m frantically trying to find the phone numbers of any of her friends off of the internet, just hoping to track her down. She’s supposed to be picking him up, but at this point who knows? His plan was to take a cab home from the airport if she didn’t show (his plans got changed at the very last minute) but he doesn’t know that he hasn’t got a home to go to.

Finally, I track her down to her new place, she’s living with a roommate and doesn’t have room for him, and spins me some lie that the apartment complex allowed her to pay just half a month’s rent. Yeah, right, but I don’t say anything because I want to keep the lines of communication open for my niece’s sake.

This morning comes and I wake up to find a message from my brother, nobody has picked him up and all of their belongings have been stolen from the curb where the apartment management dumped it. I guess she was afraid he’d kick her ass. I wouldn’t blame him.

Luckily for him, he’s leaving for the army this weekend, so he’s only got to scrounge up a place to stay for a few days. What really kills me is that she’s making no fucking effort to get her life in shape so she can take care of her daughter. So now, my parents will have to raise her for the next 12 years. My mom won’t quit her job, even though she needs a break, because she’s worried about putting another kid through college. God, they should be traveling and enjoying the fruits of their labor, not raising another kid.

I’ve offered to adopt my niece, but they won’t hear of it. My mom says I’ve got enough on my hands. But what about my parents? Is this how my sister rewards them for always sacrificing for their kids?

And what about my niece? She’s a sensitive child, and by now she realizes that her mother basically doesn’t want her. What can I tell her? And, I don’t mean to sound self-centered here, but what kind of fucking posistion is this to put your own sister in? I’ve been the peace-maker til now, trying to keep the lines of communication open for my niece’s sake, but it’s killing me. None of us deserves this!

And what’s worse is my sister’s Hep B (we’re both chronic carriers, but hers is active) is worsening. So, I don’t feel like I can just abandon her, but I resent her with every ounce of my being. Last night, I had a dream that it killed her and I was so relieved. It scared me, how peaceful I felt when I thought it was over. A dead parent would be so much easier to explain to a 6 year old…What kind of freak is this turning me into?

I know this was long, and I don’t blame anyone for not reading the whole thing. It just feels good to vent; I try and keep a happy face on things for the children.

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Dear Tater–after reading the previous thread, I can only say ditto to all the nice kudos to you. I’m so sorry you have a crackpot sister and even sorrier that she is the bio mother of any child.
Your poor brother–what a horrible thing to have all your stuff stolen!
Wish I could say something that might help.
Hope the pregnancy is going well. Take care of yourself!

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Tracy honey<
First let me say I’m sorry that Smilingjaws doesn’t know the rest of the story. I’m sorry that got brought up again, especially now.
Your sister is an ass. Your niece is going to have issues that Ripley wouldn’t believe. You need to tell her NOW and often …the truth. It’s radical, I know, but she is old enough to blame herself and needs to know that her Mother is a sick person who can’t care about anyone. Even herself. My sons Dad did a disappearing act about 12 years ago. I tried to shield him from it, but finally told him the truth, I DON’T KNOW WHY. I’ve told him ever since that he is a great kid and his Dad really missed out. He seems ok, but I wonder what kind of Father he will be. Keep the faith, you and your parents will do ok. Maybe your Mom will let you keep her part time, so she can do other things.
And since this is the Pit: FUCK the bitch!!!
Love to you…TatertotII got a haircut, I’ll get a photo to you!
Debbi

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smilingjaws, I had a miscarriage in June…it was rough, but we’re over the worst of it now. Thank you so much for your kind words, though.

dragonlady, I’m sure your son will be just fine. You did a good job raising him. :slight_smile:

You know, my sister had her daughter for all of 3 weeks this summer and called home asking us to pick her up. My parents sent her $300 for Kayla’s birthday, to cover the price of a party, new outfit and gifts, and when she came home we found out she didn’t get jackshit. Thank God for Amazon! I’m so glad I had some of her presents sent instead of waiting til she got home. We knew my sister was low, but we had no idea she would do that do her own daughter!

And you know, I’ve done everything I could to make it easy for my sister to keep in touch with my niece. I set up an e-mail account for her…tried to find times when they could chat on-line, I was even going to buy her a webcam (before she sold her computer) so that they could see each other. But does she mail cards? No. Does she e-mail? No. She promises Kayla things like Halloween costumes and they never arrive. This is sick!

I’ve tried to explain this to Kayla as best I can, but if I can’t understand it, how can she expect to? Poor little thing already has no idea of who her Daddy is. We tracked him down to Korea, but he hasn’t contacted us or anything. Probably afraid of having to pay child support. We don’t fucking need the child support…heck, if he’d come see her, my parents would probably pay the price of a plane ticket and hotel! They’ve already offered to send Kayla to visit her paternal Grandparents but they won’t acknowledge her. Because she’s part white, can you believe it?

I have to say, my niece has done remarkably well, given the hand that she’s been dealt. She’s just now started first grade and is learning to read and write. I’m so proud of her. My sister is going to be so sorry in a few years…and it breaks my heart, because she is my sister, and I do love her, no matter what. I just want to punch her in the goddamn nose. Idiot.

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{{{{{{{tater}}}}}}}

I’m so sorry hon. I could go into the story of my Dead beat brother, but It’s my birthday today and I’m in too good of a mood to start into all the shit.

oh, and a big {{{{{{{{kayla}}}}}}}}

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Tracy,

I understand your frustration. I don’t blame you a bit for feeling as you do. What your sister did, both to your brother and her own daughter, was inexcuseable.

But not unforgiveable.

I don’t like what you’re telling me at all, by any means. The picture I get is of a spoiled, irresponsible person–someone who should not be a mother now, maybe never be one at all. (It is to laugh to think that she has a daughter, while many other perfectly suitable would-be parents do not have children, maybe will NEVER have children).

This is not an evil person, however, both from what I read here and what you’ve told me over private e-mail. Not particularly intelligent? Possibly. Flighty? Yes. Immature? Certainly. But not evil. Moreoever, she’s your own flesh and blood, and she is ailing with a terrible disease. Not that this excuses all her actions, but she has troubles of her own–and not ALL of her making.

To be fair about this, as I understood from you previously, it wasn’t like Kayla was horribly treated by your sister, more that your sister didn’t know how to handle her. (Correct me if I’m wrong on this) Your niece did seem to enjoy at least some of the time with her mother, and did seem to like her mother’s boyfriend. To say that your sister has NO affection for her daughter might be unfair (at least, I HOPE it’s unfair), though to say that your sister doesn’t know her ass from her elbow about being a good parent probably IS fair. When Kayla is mature enough to understand the distinction, THAT’S what I’d tell her.

At this point–and I know you know this–you’ve got to be thinking more of your niece than your sister. Do everything you can for her. Yes, she probably will go through a period where she feels her mommy and daddy didn’t want her, and she’ll blame herself for this. You’ll have to be there for her then. But you yourself have told me she’s bright and has adapted well: in time she’ll know not to blame herself, and realize that her mother was a bad parent, but that her mother DOES love her (I’ll believe that until I’ve got a good reason not to.) But more importantly, she’ll know not to fault herself. Do the best you can by her and you mitigate the (sadly) inevitable hurt.

Don’t feel guilty about the dream you had. You’ve analyzed it yourself already: in feeling relief, you thought primarily of Kayla–that a dead parent would be easier to explain away than a seemingly indifferent one. You did NOT wish your sister dead, and concluding that you are a “freak”, is dreadfully misplaced.

I don’t blame you for being mad at your sister. Not one bit. But she IS your sister and you DO love her.

If you need anyone to talk to about this, either by telephone or e-mail, I don’t have to tell you what to do. Do I?

Your friend (who’s very proud of you)

Dan

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Oh God John! I forgot your birthday! See what I hate about this mess? It keeps me so wrapped up in myself that I forgot all about my favorite Leprachaun. :frowning:

You and me need to get together in Dublin & have a nice long chat.

Dan, I wuvs you! You’re right about my sister…she’s just not ready for this responsibility. The problem is, she’s lied so much, I’m not sure if she’s really sick or making it up to get sympathy or money. Isn’t that sad? I’ve given her the best advice I can regarding finding health care.

I’ve just had enough…something has to give here.