Ok, I had the north pole and echo reference. I figured I was missing a reference with the white bear knocking on a door. I hate missing references, ya know.
Kid : A riddle: There is a square house with all four walls facing south. A bear walks by. What color is it?
If all four walls are facing south, the house must be sitting on the north pole. The only bears up there are polar bears, so the bear must be white
I think that was the missing reference.
If a woodchuck could chuck wood, what sort of wood would it chuck? Would it be able to chuck wet wood as well as dry wood? What about bark – would it be able to chuck bark as well? And what are the implications for our national forests?
Dear Cecil,
Dear Cecil,
Liberal
October 29, 2003, 8:52am
64
Dear Cecil
Who is better, Billy Joel or Elton John?
j_sum1
October 29, 2003, 10:52am
65
Dear Cecil.
Dear Cecil,
Why don’t you like me? Are my thights not beautiful enough for you?
jjimm
October 29, 2003, 1:00pm
67
Dear Cecil,
I hear that Rome was built in a day. Please explain how this was possible.
Zeldar
October 29, 2003, 1:14pm
68
Dear Cecil,
Why do you hardly ever see mosquitos inside ice cubes?
Where does a snake’s neck end and its tail start?
Why do they always say “life on earth” and not “death on earth”?
Who are “they”?
Dear Cecil,
What part of alligators do they use to make Gatorade?
These are but a few of the many actual questions sent to Cecil.
Hi… Interesting site! If there’s a parallel universe to be able to bring the WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS for May 31, Saturday, 2003 (and this isn’t a joke) please send them to me right away. Cecil, I am indeed in need of winning the lottery and if I do I will help many people who are in dire situations that can use a helping hand. Possible yes, but probable no. If you have some universal symmetry insight to tangible numbers for tomorrow night’s biggie I would be eternally grateful. Really think long and hard about this one as it’s not a question a person may ask of you. And yes, who are you? Thanks.
Hi Cecil,
Why is it that when you select a floor number from inside the elevator, you cannot “de-select” it? Being the prankster that I was during my youth, before exiting the elevator I would select ALL floors, then run like hell. Now that I am older, and having a schedule to keep, I do not find this as amusing. Also, returning from an evening at the hotel bar I would occasionally hit the wrong floor number, which of course was BELOW my intended floor, and I am forced to make all cancelled stops. This is akin to screeching your fingernails down the black bored when there are other riders. What is the harm in being able to “de-select” floors that no one is stopping at? I have spoken to numerous elevator maintenance people about this and they say “you can’t do it”…Duh…What’s up with that?
Subj: Where was E. A. Poe’s bedroom light?
Okay, the raven was perched “upon a bust of Phallos (or somebody) just above my chamber door”.
Now, the bust must have been on a shelf to be above the door and, since they did not have electric lights in those days, the lamp had to be low enough to be reached yet the poem says that "…the lamplight streaming
It does not compute.
While sitting in a restaurant this past weekend with my wife (wishing we had picked a place that served beer), we were given “bendy straws”. Who invented them, and how are they made? And couldn’t this technology be used as an alternate method of penile lengthening?
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I have know way of finding the answer myself. You on the other hand have the necessary resources to drill down on this problem and find the hard numbers leading to my long elusive answer finally easing my troubled mind.
The problem: There is a surgeon who has become stranded on a deserted island. On this Island there is a limitless supply of water but no food to eat (I know that it is not probable being there is fresh water and that the surgeon is on an Island surrounded by water) but there is no food. He also has his surgeon’s bag with a full complement of tools, antibiotics, pain killers etc. My question is how long could the surgeon live using himself for nutrition? You know cutting bits of himself off, cooking them and eating them. I know that this is a dirty proposition but I have some sort of weird need to know the answer. How long would this fella last eating himself? Please enlighten me Cecil!
Those all read very wierd on the ol’ weirdometer, but that last one … whew! It goes off the scale!
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I have know way of finding the answer myself. You on the other hand have the necessary resources to drill down on this problem and find the hard numbers leading to my long elusive answer finally easing my troubled mind.
The problem: There is a surgeon who has become stranded on a deserted island. On this Island there is a limitless supply of water but no food to eat (I know that it is not probable being there is fresh water and that the surgeon is on an Island surrounded by water) but there is no food. He also has his surgeon’s bag with a full complement of tools, antibiotics, pain killers etc. My question is how long could the surgeon live using himself for nutrition? You know cutting bits of himself off, cooking them and eating them. I know that this is a dirty proposition but I have some sort of weird need to know the answer. How long would this fella last eating himself? Please enlighten me Cecil!
It sounds like this guy read Stephen King’s Survivor Type .
There was a great GQ where someone actually asked:
“What would happen if I drove over those spikes that say ‘severe tire damage’?”
Apparently he didn’t believe the answer would be: “severe tire damage”.
I didn’t know… god man I just google that one while I was at work. I expect the Internet police to show up any second now.