Stupid non-technical whiny drama-queen hyper bitch of a cow-orker

The BBQ Pit
1

My technical advice to you? Shut the fuck and leave. Stupid non-technical whiny drama-queen hyper bitch.

The other night I was watching Seinfeld, the one where Elaine borrows a friend’s car and Jerry is terrified of her driving. In one scene she urges Jerry to come along with her for a ride. He refuses. She cajoles him, begs him, prods him, and finally forcibly drags him into submission.

“Wow”, I thought when I was watching it, “how Anne-like.”

Anne is a cow-orker and (in a way) one of my 4456877 bosses. And a major, huge, annoying pain in the ass. She spends far to much time in my office, and when she does, it’s always NOISE NOISE NOISE NOISE. The bitch cannot shut up. When she’s not whining about things she does not understand, she peppers me with personal questions that are none of her business. “So what are you doing this weekend? Cool. With your girlfriend? Are you going to ask her to marry you? What do you mean no? You love her, don’t you? Then why don’t ask her to marry you? What’s wrong with you? If you love her you’ll marry her. Why don’t you marry her? Do you have a fear of commitment or something? Yes, it IS my personal business. Why won’t you marry her?”

And on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on SHUT THE FUCK UP!

But the worst is when she comes to me with a technical issue. Today, for instance, she came up to complain that a subroutine I wrote for her was “broken.” It was a subroutine to search for people filtered by first name or last name or user id or job description.

“It’s showing me the wrong people.”

“It’s doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.”

“But whyyyyyyyyy?”

“Because that’s what it’s supposed to do. You told it to look for Smith, it returned all the Smiths.”

“But it’s wroooooong! It’s a buuuuuuuug!”

“No it’s not. There are that many Smiths in the database.”

“But when I search on user id it doesn’t show me all those names.”

“Not every Smith has that user name. They wouldn’t show up that way.”

“Good! I don’t want to see all of them!”

“Then don’t search by last name.”

“But I have to! It’s a buuuuug! It’s wroooooong!”

“It’s not a bug. There’s bad data in there.”

“But I don’t want bad data! Your software shouldn’t show bad data.”

“Au contraine, Madame du Whine, you specifically asked for it to be built to find bad data, so you could correct it. It found bad data. Correct it.”

“But it should just know. I can’t take this stress! When are you asking your girlfriend to marry you?!?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Fix the bug!”

“It’s. Not. A. Bug. It’s bad data.”

“Why did you put in the bad data? Take it out! I’m stressed!”

“I didn’t put in the data. Someone else did.”

“Who put in the data? Marry your girlfriend.”

“I have no idea. Shut up.”

“But whooooo?”

“Shut up.”

“But whyyyyyyy?”

“Shut up. Please shut up.”

“It’s a buuuuuuuuug!”

“Shut up. Why don’t you shut up? I can’t believe you do not shut up.”

“But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?”

On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on this went. For a fucking hour and fifteen minutes. An issue that could have been easily and painlessly solved in two minutes turned into the Drama of the Century because stupid non-technical whiny drama-queen hyper bitch could not be arsed to try to understand. Og forbid she shut up for more than three seconds to listen.

Time to lock my door and unplug the phone.

2

Wow. I need a beer after that- maybe two.

I truly sympathise, tdn.

3

Sounds to me like she’s in love with you. You’re her hero.

4

I just love it when a problem is automatically someone else’s fault.

If someone comes to me saying, “I’m having a hard time getting this to work the way I think it should,” then we can do business. Maybe something’s broken, maybe there’s operator error, or maybe there are expectations about functionality that don’t match what actually exists. Let’s figure it out.

If someone comes to me saying, “it’s broken,” unless I really really feel like they have a right to make that analysis, I’m already on the defensive and am apt to not trust what they have to tell me.

It often seems like people for whom things are “broken,” anything that they don’t understand is “broken.”

sigh

Anyway, I feel your pain. I was dealing with something similar (but a bit more low-key) today.

5

She sounds just like my IICW [Ignorant Irritating CoWorker]. Unfortunately, there are rules against my getting an Uzi and putting her and everyone else out of the misery she creates.

Have you ever discussed her behavior with your boss or anyone higher up?

6

If anyone is looking to buy a penis, I have one to sell.

'Cause I sure ain’t using it anytime soon.

7

No, because they all thing the world revolves around her. I’ve discussed it with her, however, in a light-hearted way. Now she knows it bugs me. So she does it even more. :mad:

8

It’s not even that so much. It’s that a) She makes no attempt to understand, b) She whines, and c) She turns every minor thing into a huge fucking drama.

9

One of my biggest pet peeves about a corporate work environment is being under the supervision of someone who hasn’t “been there,” who’s never even seen “there,” and who wouldn’t have even known that “there” exists but for the fact that, for reasons that doubless involve astrological charts and the Dead Sea Scrolls, it’s under their purview. Because it’s under their purview, and as proof that corporate power should require courses in whatever they have power over, they feel it is not merely their right, but their duty to tell you how to do your job. They job they have no idea how to do. They job that they wouldn’t have the aptitude to do if the course material was spoon fed to their cerebellum.

But it reenforces the belief I have long held: The level of power one is capable of achieving is directly proportional to one’s aptitude for self-delusion.

10

Ugh. I sit next to a drama queen at work too! Today she was moaning and wringing her hands because she had had to go let the biohazard people in at the back door. (Incidentally, she was doing this as she gave me the key. She wanted me to return it to its proper place because she forgot.) She wailed, “I wish there was an easier way to do this!” I said, “There is. You call so-and-so, and he’ll be happy to do it. He sits right there.” She groaned, “Oh, I know. I guess I just didn’t do it that way.”

I actually felt it when my brain started to bleed.

11

Dang that’s the impression I got too. She’s clearly making excuses to be around you and all that fishing about your girlfriend? Well she’s hoping that one day you’ll just say “Oh no I can’t marry her! I’m in love with you! Let’s run away together!”

You’re screwed man. Every day you don’t marry your girlfriend is one more day of hope for her.

12

Thanks. I now have two penises I’ll never use again.

13

Ugh :mad:

In my case the higher-ups know what a drama queen she is. She’s been written up a couple of times for her behavior (don’t ask me the drama behind that), but it doesn’t seem to matter to her because she has no respect for anybody. They won’t fire her outright because she’s the type who’d file suit and play the “I’m a single mother with an asshat ex and a screwed-up son!” card.

I’m not making light of her issues. They are serious and would get the best of anyone ordinarily level-headed. But that doesn’t excuse her whininess. IMHO.

14

Well I’ll talk to my fiancée about that. She may be interested. If not that’d make an interesting conversation piece for our coffee table.

15

:eek: Sorry…

I hate lusers like that, too.

16

Oh, please! Don’t you know we dopers live for annoying asshat cow-orker stories? Please, please, pretty please?? With sugar on top?

17

Ryan, meet Kelly.

18

I hate it when non-technical people claim that “the computer is wrong.” No, the computer’s not wrong. A computer can’t be wrong. All it does is follow instructions. The instructions you gave it might be wrong. Or you might be misinterpreting the answer. Or you’re asking the wrong question. Or it just isn’t doing what you expected it to do. But it’s not “wrong.”

19

So, why *won’t * you marry your girlfriend?

20

Obviously you have forgotten about the problem with early Pentium chips returning incorrect answers for some mathematical calculations. Sometimes the computer can be wrong. Although, admittedly, this is not the case in the situations you’re referring to.