You don't know how to do my job, so quit telling me how to do it!

[Lord_Ashtar]

There’s this woman in my office who is not technically savvy but she thinks she is, because I’ve written her a bunch of SQL scripts where all she does is click on it, fill in the prompt, and export it to Excel. So now she thinks she is an SQL programmer and the resident computer expert.

If I’m under someone’s desk, she’ll pop her head in to tell me, “Maybe the monitor’s broken.” Probably not, since I’m only replacing the network cable.

If I’m at someone’s computer trying to figure out why they can’t open a file, she’ll offer, “Maybe they don’t have the proper drive mapped.” Probably not, since the file is on their Windows desktop.

Today she came into my office and asked me to do something that I tried to do a year ago. It wasn’t possible then and isn’t possible now. So I told her that. “Well, it seems that you’ve gotten it to do it here.”

I tried to explain to her that the report she’s pointing to as proof that I’m lying is completely different, and is not a good comparison. “Well, I just don’t get why you can do it there but not here.”

I spent at least 20 minutes trying to reason with her until I told her to put in a helpdesk ticket and I would try again, just so she would get out of my office.

So listen to me, you ignorant pile of cockroach excrement, and listen good. You only got this job because you’re fucking my vice president, and she was able to manipulate the system so that you would be under her chain of command. That way nobody would notice that you are woefully underqualified for your job. You don’t know SQL, you don’t know Citrix, you can barely open your email, so shut the fuck up.

You’d think a computer expert such as yourself wouldn’t need to come to me begging to help you fix your computer because you clicked on another “Click here!!! You are a winner!!!” banner ad and have infested your computer with spyware. Then again, since you’re so technically savvy, I can just tell you to go download Ad-Aware and Spybot and you can run them yourself, saving us both time. But no, you’d rather I come do it. Why? Because you’re a worthless douchebag, so shut the fuck up.

Another thing. Just because you’re fucking my boss, you don’t get to come marching into my office with orders for me. You can follow the same procedures as everyone else. You can send in an email to the support wizard and get a trouble ticket opened just like every other employee in this company. Otherwise, your “urgent task” might just slip into the abyss that is my desk and get forgotten, until you come marching back in with my boss to ask me why I never did it. You’re not my boss, so shut the fuck up.

One of these days, I may just happen to find myself at one of our company’s social gatherings talking to a person from HR. I may “accidentally” let it slip that you and my boss live together, which is a violation of our HR policies. Of course, that would get my boss fired as well, which I’d really rather not happen any time soon. But if I’ve had a few beers, my tongue just may be looser than we would like.

[tdn]

Please tell me that this clueless wonder does not actually have permissions to write SQL scripts.

[Futile_Gesture]

There comes a time with end-users when you’re wasting your time explaining why they’re wrong, or you can’t do what they’re asking, or why what they’re saying is impossible. They. just. don’t. understand. and will never. understand.

You’re best just nodding, agreeing, and going about what you were doing the way you were doing it.

Because you are techie, and your path leads where others know not. …

[Yeticus_Rex]

Let me get this straight…or not straight…

There’s this woman in my office who is not technically savvy but she thinks she is…

and

You only got this job because you’re fucking my vice president, and she was able to manipulate the system so that you would be under her chain of command.

Who’s got the strap-on to do the fucking, and who’s on the receiving end? Are they just roomies? Must have details.

[matt_mcl]

Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, they must be lesbians!

And now, back to the actual thread.

[Lord_Ashtar]

@tdn

Please tell me that this clueless wonder does not actually have permissions to write SQL scripts.

Worry not, as she is set to read-only. No damage will she be wreaking on our financial data.

[Troy_McClure_SF]

@matt_mcl

And now, back to the actual thread.

Ha! Well put.

Lord Ashtar, I like this rant. It has a calm fury to it. Like something you can almost picture yourself really saying, which isn’t really true with the elaborate cussfests one often finds in the Pit.

My new favorite IT story is when our own IT guy came to install & network a new PC in an adjacent office. He was trying to set up the printer for it, but then said, “This won’t work with the new PC. It’s a local printer; it’ll only work with the computer next to it.”

“Er, actually, it’s linked to all the computers my co-workers uses. She prints from the next office over regularly, an occasionally prints to this by accident from her office in another building.”

“No, she can’t, the printer’s not set up for it.”

“… Fine.”

[Lord_Ashtar]

@matt_mcl

Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, they must be lesbians!

[Baseball announcer from Naked Gun]
How about that?
[BAFNG]

[Yeticus_Rex]

@matt_mcl

Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, they must be lesbians!

And now, back to the actual thread.

I figured nothing out. When I see the words “fucking my vice-president”, I wrongly assumed that someone had a penis and was ensuing use of it. If anything, I stumbled on the wording of the OP, and just wanted clarification on it. I really could care less if they were lesbians, bisexual, transgendered, or poor wording on the OP’s part. But hey, keep on enlightening me. :rolleyes:

As for another reason why I asked is that the OP claims that HR policy is being violated, which IMHO would be harder to prove if two women were living together instead of a man and a woman and having sexual relations. I have no other issues with the OP…I have several employees of mine who acts just like the OP, and I politely tell them that I got it under control.

Next time, I’ll just assume everyone is perfect around here and not bother about asking for clarifications. :rolleyes:

[Miller]

@Yeticus Rex

As for another reason why I asked is that the OP claims that HR policy is being violated, which IMHO would be harder to prove if two women were living together instead of a man and a woman and having sexual relations.

How do you figure that?

[Bryan_Ekers]

@matt_mcl

Wow, you figured it out! If the cow-orker is a woman, and she’s fucking the VP, and the VP is a woman, they must be lesbians!

Well, no offense, I find contemplating that more interesting than wondering why the OP is frequently under people’s desks.

Heh. I’d suggest approaching the Veep directly but discretely. Or discreetly. Either one.

[Troy_McClure_SF]

@Yeticus Rex

When I see the words “fucking my vice-president”, I wrongly assumed that someone had a penis and was ensuing use of it. If anything, I stumbled on the wording of the OP, and just wanted clarification on it.

Well, yeah, I assumed the same, but once I realized that both parties are female, there’s not much clarification to be had, and being the SDMB, you were bound to get an answer like matt’s.

Not a big deal, but it just seemed like a silly question, when it was actually pretty clear in the OP.

[Yeticus_Rex]

@Troy McClure SF

Well, yeah, I assumed the same, but once I realized that both parties are female, there’s not much clarification to be had, and being the SDMB, you were bound to get an answer like matt’s.

Not a big deal, but it just seemed like a silly question, when it was actually pretty clear in the OP.

It’s very easy to accidentally type “she/her” instead of “he/him” and vice versa. My wife does that all the time when I proofread over some of her reports at work…it’s a habit of mine to correct or verify the pronouns (I usually have her change them to “Ms. A”, “Ms. B”, Mr. “C”, etc. for clarity sakes - especially with governmental forms), and my habit of pointing it out has found it’s way on here. My apologies to everyone.

@Miller

How do you figure that?

Does it not follow that two female (or male) roommates would raise less suspicion of sexual relations between each other rather than a man and a woman living together as roommates? When I was single, that was usually the case…not 100% true though, just more likely. How did you find out anyways, Ashtar?

[Anne_Neville]

@Bryan Ekers

Well, no offense, I find contemplating that more interesting than wondering why the OP is frequently under people’s desks.

Sounds like he does computer desktop support, among other things. People often keep their computers under their desks, so the support techs have to crawl under the desks to do things like replace network cables.

Something a desktop support tech who is under your desk really does NOT want you to say:

“Do you know if we have black widow spiders here?” (actual quote from a user)

[ultrafilter]

@Yeticus Rex

Does it not follow that two female (or male) roommates would raise less suspicion of sexual relations between each other rather than a man and a woman living together as roommates?

I’d lay good odds that the company policy is against an employee living with someone in his or her chain of command, regardless of what might be going on behind closed doors.

[elfbabe]

Yeticus, saying something like, “Wait, what? Are the co-worker and your boss both female, or am I getting confused about pronouns?” would have been a perfectly sane and sensible request for clarification.

But asking “Who’s got the strap-on to do the fucking, and who’s on the receiving end?” is really out there. Good lord!

Let’s look at that again and try to imagine a world in which that question is appropriate: “Who’s got the strap-on to do the fucking, and who’s on the receiving end?”

Do you always ask questions like this when you find out people are canoodling on the job, or only when the people are the same sex?

There are a lot of people who think that the mere knowledge that someone is gay/bi/lesbian entitles them to find out who is inserting what into what orifice, and how often. Don’t be one of those people.

[danceswithcats]

@ultrafilter

I’d lay good odds that the company policy is against an employee living with someone in his or her chain of command, regardless of what might be going on behind closed doors.

(Bolding mine) Nice choice of words.

Yes, but that spares us the salacious details of who is the doer and who is the doee. Inquiring minds and all of that.

[SteveG1]

@Anne Neville

Something a desktop support tech who is under your desk really does NOT want you to say:

“Do you know if we have black widow spiders here?” (actual quote from a user)

But sometimes, the spiders are the better alternative. They don’t talk your ear off, and you can flick them across the room or squash them.

[matt_mcl]

@Yeticus Rex

I figured nothing out. When I see the words “fucking my vice-president”, I wrongly assumed that someone had a penis and was ensuing use of it. If anything, I stumbled on the wording of the OP, and just wanted clarification on it. I really could care less if they were lesbians, bisexual, transgendered, or poor wording on the OP’s part. But hey, keep on enlightening me. :rolleyes:

No problem. Anytime.

[Bryan_Ekers]

@Anne Neville

Sounds like he does computer desktop support, among other things. People often keep their computers under their desks, so the support techs have to crawl under the desks to do things like replace network cables.

Hah, I call whoosh on you.