Stupid - Suave - Stupid in 3 Easy Steps

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Garius and GariGirlfriend are dining in a small Italian Restaurant in Twickenham - Garius’ treat.

This is really good garlic bread i might get some more.

Garius: “So how are your housemates? haven’t seen them in ages.”

GariGirl: “They’re okay. Clare’s got a touch of the flu but Jenny is good. She’s out with Mike tonight.”

This is REALLY good garlic bread i’m definitely going to get more.

Garius: “Cool. How is Mike?”

GariGirl: “He’s good. Do you know they’ve been together over a year now?”

Huh? Why did she bring that up?

Garius: “Oh…um really?”

GariGirl: “Yes. Do you know how long we’ve been together?”

Oh bugger

Garius: “Ha…oh…um…of course i know! its um…”

GariGirl: “Yes!?”

ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap

Garius: “About 3 months???”

GariGirl: “Four months tomorrow”

OH SHT*

GariGirl: “Do you know that Mike got Jenny a card every month for the first year they were together?”

Oh sodding buggery bollocks. buggering buggery pissing arsebiscuits! Mike you are a complete git. I will never EVER buy you a drink again!

GariGirl: “Why haven’t you done that for me?”

I am so fcking screwed…

wait…

Okay brain don’t fail me now…*

Garius: "Listen GariGirl I love you. I love the way you smile, i love the way you laugh, i love the way you play with your hair when you are nervous and i even love the angry sulky face you are giving me right now.

If i were to buy you a card at the times when you were most important to me then i would have to buy you a card every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

I don’t love you in months GariGirl.

I love you in moments."

GariGirl: Silence

GariGirl: blushes

Oh i am so fcking good. I am the Don Mega. I am Barry sodding White and Casa - bloody - nova rolled into one! Quick! do the Bogart thing! She loves that!*

Garius: “Here’s Looking at you kid.” :wink:

GariGirl: giggle

I soooooooo rule

GariGirl: “Do you…um…want to come round to my place tomorrow? I’ll cook you dinner…”

Garius: "Ah…I can’t, sorry…

England are playing"

:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:

2

oooops…

heh heh. I take it she wasn´t delighted?
Anyway, I thought the whole story was building up towards an "I lean forward to kiss her and she says “jeez, your garlic breath is just unbearable!” "-punchline…

she still mad with you?

(and hey, I´m a girl, and I totally understand your priorities - but then again, if my boyfriend were to say that… :smiley: )

3

Damn, garius, that was one fucking amazing recovery. Pity you blew it all out the window two seconds later. A good laugh though.

4

Excellent story.

It’s like the footie player who picks himself up from a tremendous spill for the team, and kicks the ball into the wrong goal.

5

As bunnies go she is not a happy one.

But what else could i do???

6

Taking one for the team. Good work.

7

*Except for those moments when England is playing. Or the team that could oust England is playing. Or the team that has the player that England may be trading for is playing. But really, every other moment is yours.

8

*Except for those moments when England is playing. Or the team that could oust England is playing. Or the team that has the player that England may be trading for is playing. But really, every other moment is yours.

9

Magic.

At least you didn’t buy her a killer blimp.

10

You know, if you hadn’t been so hung up on the sporting event thing it could have been YOU who was playing tomorrow.

Enjoy,
Steven
[sub]Who has NEVER, EVER, EVER! understood why someone would turn down nookie(and a home-cooked meal!) for a sporting event.[/sub]

11

Frankly I think you’ve been watching too much English football, garius – the tendency to crumble under pressure resulting in a failure to score is obviously rubbing off on you. :wink:

12

Wow, that was dumb. And are your stupid sports gonna keep you from being lonely at night?

13

With a satellite dish and 24 hour sports channels they can! And if you somehow think women are WARM at night I’ve got an ass and a pair of feet(both of which belong to my wife) to introduce you to.

Enjoy,
Steven

14

garius, you may have lost good food and sex, but you’ve gained an excellent story. Years from now, when you’re all alone eating stew out of a can, it will all seem worth it.

15

Somehow I always manage to leave out the middle step.

16

Well, if you think you are ever, ever, ever getting… well, let’s just say I am staying in the kids bed! And you can forget about the guys weekend I had planned for your birthday.

And there will be more when I can think clearly. OH you are so gonna get it! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :stuck_out_tongue: :wink: :smiley:
You are such an ass! But I love you.

17

I agree. Plus the chances of being warm in bed with a woman aren’t particularly high - they always hog the covers.

I have also learnt another valuble lesson last night. Apparently “Of course i do! Except for Arsenal and England games.” is NOT the correct answer to the question "Do you love me more than football?"

:smack:

Garius: “Hello?! Interflora?! I need flowers! Stat!”

18

How did she not know that England were playing? It’s only a vital championship qualifier, for heaven’s sake…

19

You dork! Superb! You dork!

20

She claims to be a Man Utd fan - since when have they ever had a clue about football?? :smiley: