I had Blue Elk and the Agro Hippie over one day for a session, and during a break I grabbed a bag of chips to settle the munchies. They were some new kind of Doritos or something, and I offered them around.
AH: Wow! These are good! Where did you get those?
Me: The store.
Blue Elk and I still crack up over that one.
Was dating a guy who, when I mentioned that I knew a girl named Portia, asked, “Who would name their daughter after a car?”
A different guy, when told he looked pensive, answered, “No, I’m just thinking.”
When I told my students that my new dog had been abused before I got her, one of them asked, totally seriously, in a horrified voice, “Sexually?!?”
One of my favorite retorts to a stupid question. I stole it.
CO: What’rya doin’?
Me (doing something self explainatory and visually obvious i.e. washing dishes): Eatin’ cookies
On a message board
Me (scanning posts)
Mint Julep …F*ck… and then explains that the asterisk is substituting for a u
Me: Hmmm…good thing he/she cleared that up!
I kid, I kid!
I’ve got one on me. :o
I was meeting Ivylad’s family for the first time, and they are huge Ohio State Buckeye fans. His father was going on and on, and me, being a pert 19-year-old trying to be smart, piped up, “Oh yeah? If there so good how come they’ve never won the Super Bowl?” :smack:
I’ve had a co-worker ask “When is Friday the 13th?”
:smack:
They’re! They’re so good!
A friend of mine heard an acquaintance say, “That guy gypped me.” He explained that “gyp” is a racist term referring to a stereotype about gypsies. The acquaintance responded, "It’s not offensive. It’s just like the phrase, “That guy really Jewed you down on the price!” And this was said 100% without irony.
Back when I did tech support one of the guys I worked with told a customer his external modem would not turn on because he had it plugged into the top outlet of a two outlet box, and the “voltage drop” was keeping it from working. Yes, he was serious.
And of course **all ** the people who ask me if my twins are identical. They’re only 3 and already know they’re not, as one is a boy and the other is a girl. :wally
My ex-FiL finally got a mobile phone so his family could keep in touch at all times, as he was getting old and infirm. To save the batteries he kept it off at all times - he thought you only needed to turn it on to make a call. :smack:
I don’t think they ever forgave me for laughing for about 10 minutes when I found this out.
My BiL said to this kids as they jumped into the pool “Be careful, it’s full of pariah”. I suddenly got a mental picture of a pool full of Calcutta’s Outcasts and such and bust out laughing. I was sorry after as he seemed hurt by my finding it funny.
What the hell did he mean to say?? I got nuthin’.
I’m guessing that he has never read anything by Mercedes Lackey.
I’m guessing piranha?
D’oh! :smack: Thanks.
So what was it? Cow? Bull? Horse? Unusually large goat?
Or seen “A Fish Called Wanda”
Have you read Bryson’s In a Sunburned Country? He talks about this a bit.
“Ask about our Term Life policies that pay you back even if you don’t die.”
:smack:
A training manager in our DC office called me and said that some of the users had suggested there be an index in our WordPerfect documentation, and she agreed.
I had to tell her to look in the back of the manual, because that’s where we put it.
Thought to myself: “As opposed to that thing in the front, which we call the Table of Contents.”