Yes, I occasionally patron Subway, and yes, I actually do enjoy the food there (I’ll get into why it’s “occasional” in a moment). Their chicken sandwiches are exquisite. Nothing beats the classic cold cut. And the amount of meat you get on the B.M.T.? Simply opulent.
BUT, despite the undying love I have for their sandwiches, I absolutely loathe everything else. Where to begin? Let’s start with something simple - the construction of the sandwich. The first thing they have to do is cut the bread (it’s made fresh).
They used to cut the bread in such a way that it formed a canoe-like shape, except that it was open on each end. At first, I thought it was a little weird (why not just make it easy and cut a slit down the middle?), but it proved to be rather functional. Nothing ever fell out.
Now, however, they’re cutting the bread in some half-ass idiotic asinine fucked up kinda way. They just cut a slit down the side, leaving the bread hinged at the other side, like a book. The problem with this is - all the contents get squeezed out through the open side!
Initially, I thought this was just an isolated incident. Maybe I got a vindictive worker who is now making his sandwiches inconsistent from Subway’s standard, in an attempt to piss off customers, thus curtaling Subway’s profits. So I just went to another one. Easy enough, right?
Nope. They were doing it there too! I go to another and get the same result. So, in an attempt to boycott Subway, I try out Subway’s competition like Quizno’s and Togo’s. Sure, they get the job done, but still, I’m just uncontrollably drawn to that B.M.T…
So I just bite the bullet and deal with the fucked up bread. I’ve tried telling them to cut the bread in that canoe-like manner, but I just get a blank dumbfounded stare. I’d tell them “the old way” but most of the employees weren’t employed during that wonderful era.
That brings me to part 2 - the prices.
Your basic combo meal, which includes the sandwich, a bag of chips, and a beverage runs at $6.69. That’s for the footlong version. $6.69!? This is for fast food here. Tack on the 8% sales tax, and the meal runs over 7 bucks!
Subway’s whole marketing campaign glorifies their food as being healthy and nutritious. “Jared, who was once 500lbs sustained a diet of cold cuts, and lost 300lbs!” Well, shit, Jared must be one rich mother fucker.
Subway is saying we’re all fat and we should eat there to lose weight and be healthy? Well lower the fucking prices, and I’ll call the place my second home, complete with door mat.
(I wonder if there’s a 12-step program) Think starving college students! Subway is a really easy and filling lunch when you’re working on stuff over lunch hour. (at least it was until I discovered the Pita Pit, where they fry up the ham and bacon for their clubs while you wait.) and it won’t make you feel sickish like fried food does. I wish there was one near my place of work.
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