Suggest a witty reply to a "what are you in for?" remark asked of a litter lifter

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I volunteered to pick up trash off the road sides recently. I wear a yellow vest and look just like someone who is doing it for a “community service” sentence.

I’d like to hear some witty, but good natured, replies if I someone ever asks me “what are you in for”? Got any suggestions?

Thanks,
J.

2

My first thought is “good behavior” but that’s really neither that witty, nor that informative. But picking up litter is good behavior.

3

“I was convicted of belonging to a society that does this.” and gesture to all the trash you’re picking up.

4

“Funny you should ask that. Just two hours ago, I asked some fellow the same question. Next thing I know, I’m picking up trash.” Then look somewhere beyond his car, raise your arm and make a “come over here” gesture.

5

“I’m in for a penny…ah, what the heck, make it a pound.”

6

“The judge said the punishment should fit the crime but I think he misheard me when I plead guilty for loitering.”

7

All pretty good replies!

Just for giggles I asked ChatGPT for “witty but good-natured” suggestions. A comedian, it ain’t, but it succeeded on the good-natured part:

  1. “Just trying to keep my community clean and green!”
  2. “I’m in for a life of good deeds and karma points.”
  3. “I’m serving time for being too awesome.”
  4. “I’m doing hard time for littering… just kidding, I’m here to clean it up!”
  5. “I got caught stealing people’s hearts, so I’m doing some community service to make up for it.”
  6. “I’m serving a sentence for being a bad influence on litterbugs everywhere.”
  7. “I’m in for a crime of fashion. They didn’t approve of my yellow vest.”
  8. “I’m not in for anything. I’m just trying to make the world a better place, one piece of trash at a time.”
8

Try Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on - two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
Restaurant, but Alice doesn’t live in the restaurant, she lives in the
Church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog…

9

“You know those tags on a mattress…”

10

This one sounds like one I would use. :slight_smile:

J.

11

(dead-eye stare, learned in the prison exercise yard)

12
13

“Destruction of phone company property.”

14

“The Wise One says that the only path to true salvation is to clean the roadside. Would you like to join us?”

15

The only good answer is “littering”. Then, of course, hauling out the old guitar and letting go with the mandatory verses of “Alice’s Restaurant” until the annoying questioner slinks away. :wink:

16

My over/under for this reference before opening the thread was 5 posts. Missed it by 2.

17

It was in the lighthouse. I woke up with blood on my hands. I struggled to my feet, my mind a fog of whiskey and nightmares… I looked over the railing, and there he was, 50 feet down on the rocks. I swear I didn’t push him. I remember arguing, and a broken bottle, but there the memories end… but I wouldn’t push him. I’d never do anything like that. He was my apprentice, I’d been teaching him the lighthouse trade for going on three years. He was like my son, the one I never had. Oh God, I would never… [at this point, break down sobbing]

If you don’t have a long, scraggly beard, try to grow one beforehand.

18

I fought the law and the law won.

19

“Let’s just say you should really read the User Agreement next time you update your phone.”

20

I shot a man in Reno. Just to watch him die.

…or…

I knocked over the Piggly Wiggly in Yazoo.