I’ll try my best to keep the back story as concise as possible.
In 2011 my friend began an online relationship with this guy from Sweden. They really got along well, but took a break from communicating for a year when my friend started dating someone in real life. After about a year or so my friend broke up with her boyfriend and resumed her relationship with the Swedish guy. I can’t remember if this was at some point in late 2012 or early 2013, but Swedish Guy came to the US on business and he and my friend met up in person and all was great.
After that however, my friend wanted him to commit to her seriously and she wanted him to move to the US or she would move to Sweden. He told her he wasn’t ready for that level of commitment, blah blah blah, they “broke up.”
My friend remained obsessed with him after their “break up” and continued to monitor his social media, etc. and was convinced that he was sending her secret messages. After a while she went on anti-depressants which didn’t work, but started seeing a therapist who had her put parental controls on her computer so that she couldn’t access his websites (he’s a web designer and has an active social media presence). That only lasted so long although she is still in therapy.
She went away for a month early this year to stay with her parents which didn’t help. Speaking of her parents, her mom apparently has been encouraging her to develop hobbies and interests to take her mind off this guy. I suggested the same to my friend when we went to a concert last summer. Her response was even though she enjoyed going to the concert with me, all she wanted to do was tell him** all about it.
Anyway, her return from visiting her parents coincided with this guy being back in the States for business. Apparently she was completely heart broken and actually did drop off the radar for a while because he did not want to see her. She finally saw him in person early this month and he told her to drop it and not have any further communications with him.
So today she tells me she’s heartbroken, blah blah blah, I try to say things to make her feel better and she laughs at me, tells me that someday I’ll understand how she feels. I just said “uh huh” and that was the end of that conversation.
So…I honestly think she may have some sort of underlying mental illness, such as severe depression, and it’s manifesting itself in an obsession with this guy (especially since she thinks he’s sending her secret messages. I think that’s very bizarre.) Or she’s not sick, but is just desperate for attention. It’s just incredibly sad because she’s very smart, funny, interesting and now only cares about this guy. Seriously- she told me she can’t even finish a book anymore.
I would never tell someone “maybe you will eventually find that you have gotten over him” (which is what I said to her which prompted her to laugh at me) to someone who had experienced a death or the end of a long term relationship, or a divorce, etc. But an online relationship? When the guy has been telling her he’s not interested for a year?
I’ll admit that I have never been that taken with someone, so there is some element that I suppose I don’t understand. But I have also lost friends that I cared about and while I was very upset at the time, I have gotten over it. And I have gotten over breakups (with real life boyfriends).
What do you guys think? I know you don’t know her, but I’ve never had to deal with something like this. This has been going on for three years, around one and a half or so that they have not been in any sort of relationship, online or otherwise. It’s getting very tiresome. I’ve stopped following her on social media because everything is about this guy or pictures of herself that I’m assuming are intended for him to see.
Thanks for reading- I don’t think there is a way to make this short!