Suicide

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Almost every day, I go to the grocery store. There was a cashier who worked there, her name was Roz. I’m not friends with her, but we would always chit chat while she rang me up. She would ask about my kids and my weekends. She was mostly very quiet and she did things very slowly, it would drive me crazy when I had other things to do. But, she was always a nice lady.

She had no family, but also worked at a daycare center. She wanted to become a nun, but was turned down some time ago. She never told me why and I didn’t ask. Roz was only in her early 30s.

This morning at the grocery store, another cashier I know, came up to me and told me that Roz died. I thought it was a horrible accident, then she told me that Roz killed herself.

I’m very suprized. I wonder if she had any friends or maybe some family somewhere that cared about her. I wonder if things would have been different if anyone at the store made friends with her. I wonder what the last straw was in her life.

I’m a little disgusted at the other people who work at the store, the one who told me acted like she had a hot piece of gossip.

I feel a little sad about the whole thing.

2

I’ve been close to three suicides and, well, they all had family and friends who loved them, they all were befriended at work. I know you’re not blaming anyone, but suicide often isn’t “rational” in that someone who isn’t suicidal often can’t figure out why the suicidal person is suicidal.

Does that make sense?

3

dragongirl, it really sucks that the cashier who gave you the news acted that way. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism? I think jsgoddess is right: most of the time, you can’t find anyone or anything to blame. My oldest daughter has been suicidal, and we love her very much and she has lots of friends. It’s just that when she’s depressed, she doesn’t feel like anyone really loves her; in fact, she feels like she’d be doing us a favor by killing herself, then we wouldn’t have to deal with her any more. When she’s on her meds, and all is well, she realizes this is irrational. Doesn’t stop her from feeling it, though.

4

Just a few days ago a kid in my college killed himself. Pulled into a traffic circle in front of a dorm and shot himself with a gun he bought at Walmart earlier (waiting periods, anyone? But that’s a separate issue altogether.) Anyway, he was found around 4 am. What creeps me out is I was out in the same traffic circle just a little earlier, around 2:30 am.

I was never friends with him, but he actually was in one of my classes. Whole community really bonded together. Very sad thing to go through, though. There are still flowers out in front of the dorm where he was found.

Since then, there has been a lot of “prevention” stuff, with discussions about depression, and places you can call to talk to people. But it seems too late. Hopefully it can help save someone else.

Never easy going through this stuff, no matter whether you were close to the person or not.

5

Would it surprise you folks to learn that I was dangerously close to suicide within the past month? I’m going through an unexpected major change which I’ll tell you about when it’s over, lest I jinx it. Because I’ve been coping with depression for over half my life and it’s been over a decade since I first sought treatment, I had a pretty good idea what to do and why I was as badly off as I was, and took steps to do something change it, including calling two friends, one tried and true; one untried at that point, but not any more. I also told the folks out at Cecil’s Place, a free on-line support group for people from this board who suffer from depression. I survived.

Severe depression, by its very nature, isolates a person and makes it extremely difficult for a person to seek help. I have, in the past, been lying in bed with my hand inches from the phone and the number of that trusted friend running through my brain, yet I have not had the will or the strength to call, only to hurt. It is not a fate I would wish on my worst enemy. When you throw in the fact that depression is often stigmatized, it makes it harder to reach out. I know. I didn’t seek help until I wound up flat on my back in a mental hospital, unresponsive and unable to speak above a whisper, and even then only when spoken to. I was seeking death, not help, but help found me. When this happened, I was in the home of my fiance, a good man who genuinely loved me. It was not a failure of love on his or any other person’s help, but a failure of my brain, in much the same way that a heart attack is a failure of one’s heart. I’m using “failure” in the engineering sense meaning something fails to function as planned.

What I’m trying to say, dragongirl, is that this is not necessarily the fault of the woman’s coworkers, and it’s certainly not yours. Is it a fault of society? Maybe, but there are a great many things wrong with society. It is tragic, and you’ve no way of knowing what the last straw was. It could be something major, or it could be she simply got tired of struggling, striving, and failing. It does happen that way sometimes, I’m afraid. If you need a hug or a shoulder to lean on, you have it.

Oh, and to all you Dopers who have helped me find the resources to survive this lovely illness :rolleyes:, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have helped me learn that those who once told me “No one likes you. No one loves you. No one will every like you.” were wrong. That is a very precious gift.

CJ

6

{{{{Siege}}}}

7

I’m sorry if it sounded like I was trying to blame someone, I’m not.

It’s just such a sad thing, I’m not sure what to think.

8

People don’t know how to deal with death. We all get by on denial.

When death happens in ways where there aren’t stock phrases and ceremonial motions to draw on, it’s that much harder for everyone to deal with.

No wonder people come across as clumsy & gauche.

9

Suicide hurts the people and acquaintences around .

A little thought on the Rejected Nun stuff.

In order to be accepted into the Order, a woman has to prove she is emotionally and financial stable.

Long ago, the nunnery was the place for poor girls (usually not exactly attractive, either) in large catholic families to go into because there was no money for a better life, education and little chance of marriage. As one can imagine, educating these women was a financial drain on the coffers. Alot of women came into the order because their families fobbed them off on them and it was discovered that there were mental issues.

Now, to be accepted, they have to be educated ( or at least articulate) and prove they can support themselves. Cashiering isn’t exactly in the same leagues as Bill Gates.

Also, back in its salad days of filling up the nunnery, they had to turn prospective nuns away because of the demand. Now, the orders are lucky to actually get 10 propective candidates a year (most whom are looking for free housing/food/education) and maybe two make the cut. (Same thing for the priesthood.)
I get this information from my two cousins, one whom is the second in charge of one order (which I forget) and the other whom was a nun 30+ years before leaving the order to get married. Both have more degrees than a thermometer (one had something like 5 masters) and are/were exceptionally bright, outgoing women.

10

I wasn’t sure you were, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t trying to blame yourself. People tend to keep things like this hidden lest they frighten people or be accused of over-dramatizing. It happens; it’s tragic; and, much as we (or at least I) might like to, sometimes there’s nothing we can do, especially for relative strangers. At least you’re compassionate enough to feel sad.

CJ