Tom Thumb was a not so ripped midget in Squadron Supreme
Frog-Man is a frumpy kid.
As was the Spectacular Spider-Kid (until some moron of a writer tried to make a serious hero out of the comical character and made him skilly and changed his name to the Steel Spider or some such rubbish)
Toad has never been overly attractive.
Mole Man’s whole schtick revolved around him being too ugly for the surface world.
There’s tons of grotesque beastly villains, but I think you are looking for more of an “unattractive” human type.
My favorite superhero, Blue Beetle, is constantly struggling with weight problems, as well as self-doubt and heart disease. While he has been portrayed as handsome and fit in the past, his best years of superheroing may be behind him.
Ma Hunkle, the Red Tornado
Dr. Druid
Chunk (Flash’s pal)
G’Nort
Volstagg
Karnak (Frightfully thin)
Most of the Great Lakes Avengers
Dr. Strange (depends on the artist)
Straw Man
Impulse
Herbie, the Fat Fury
The Impossible Man
Mr. Myxzilplc (or however you spell it)
Bat-Mite
The Molecule Man
The Molecule Man’s girlfriend, Volcana
Most kid sidekicks
And some semi-obscure ones from Kurt Buseik’s Astro City:
The Bouncing Beatnik
“Roach” (of the Astro City Irregulars)
Julius Furst
Rex, of the First Family
The Hanged Man
Heck with the Golden Age Sandman. The new age Sandman isn’t ripped, and how many of you women find him sexy?
Heck, all the Endless are ugly. Well, Destruction is ripped and sexy as hell, but he left. Death has her attraction, but she certainly isn’t the curvy-curvy, tits-out-to-here stereotype. And let’s face it, Despair is just plain ugly, ugly, ugly.
Even Desire isn’t beautiful. Gaiman wrote her/him so that anyone looking upon him/her would fall in love, so much in love that he or she would spiral into a web of desire, unable to love anyone else. But none of the artists have been able to come up to that promise with that androgenous character, and most of the time she/he is a sharp chinned, rather repellent looking thing. The artists should do better than that. The closest was in the latest Endless Nights, but even that, with the full face golden eyes, wasn’t that close.
If anyone remembers it - Jim Lee’s Wild C.A.Ts member Maul’s great big “hulk” form was a big switch from his real form. In reality, he was a scrawny, bespectacled nerd who hung out at art galleries - he was even dorkier and less handsome than Bruce Banner.
The actual comic-book Wolverine. Though Hugh Jackman is fantastic as Wolvie in the films, he’s a damn good looking guy. In the comic “reality,” Logan is 5’3", broad shouldered, scruffy, densely hairy and stinks of cheap cigars and beer. Tell me that would be attractive in real life and I’ll call you a liar.
Well, call me a liar then because on a purely physical level Wolverine is hot. Now, throw in all the personality issues and I would run away quick like a bunny but he’s still a hot little trick.
Gorgon is a big, hairy guy with goat legs. I suppose he’d be sexy to some renn-faire wench somewhere, though.
I loved the fact that Harry Leland of the Hellfire Club looked like an old, fat Orson Welles.
Here’s his face as drawn by John Byrne (scroll down).
Of course I recognize you, Sir! Great to see you on the Straight Dope! But your secret identity is safe with me.
As for Beetle, in the recent Formerly Known As the Justice League miniseries, he complained a lot about his heart condition and was always nervous about rushing into battle. It is clear he lost some of the weight (as I also remember from the wonderful Watchmen tribute in Birds of Prey #25), but Kevin Maguire definitely drew him with more normal proportions in FKATJL, not ripped or anything.
I haven’t read Birds of Prey in a few years so I don’t know what he’s been up to in that title, but I’d love to see what new writer Gail Simone does with Beetle!
Lobo. Not a hero, per se, and he is muscular, but with the pasty skin color, unkempt appearance, questionable body odor, I can’t imagine many who would find him sexy.
