The worst super hero to make love with

My wife and I got to talking about this last night…you don’t want to know what brought it up, or maybe you do, but I’m not telling.

My wife brought up the Flash because she felt in the thros of passion the movement of the offending member would be moving so fast, agony would take place. She also thought Superman would let fly with his “gift” with such power it would throw back the receiver hundreds of feet.

I put forth the “Torch” and the Hulk – one to hot to handle at the wrong moment and the other just too big.

My wife also put forward Aquaman…she said he probably didn’t have a major physical problem she would have to deal with, but the thought of the smell of fish the entire time of the activity would just be too much.

Not up on this genre, but what about that guy that’s made of stone? Small, medium or large and no matter what you think of his ability to stay hard, having something made of jagged stone’s going in and out’s gotta hurt.

Obligatory link.
Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.

Would Batman’s utility belt chafe him too much for him to be interested in sex, no matter how prepared he was? :smiley:

Wonder Woman, definitely. She makes you tell the truth. “Will you respect me in the morning?” “Do you like children?” “Are my boobs too small?” Then you get your ass kicked after you answer.

The Thing. There was a hilarious thread here about The Thing’s thing a while back.

I can’t, for the life of me, remember his name, but one of the more recent members of the X-Men was essentially a big, extremely obese guy with no energy, severely limited intelligence, and almost no motivation.

He was also completely and utterly invincible, but given that he has low energy and is extremely blase about pretty much everything, I can’t see it being fun for most partners.

ETA: come to think of it, I think doing anything with The Blob would suck, too.

Also, while she’s adorable I would expect sex with Squirrel Girl to get downright weird by the end, if only because you could either expect a) her to do something extremely eccentric, or b) circumstances to intervene.

Nos. 1 and 3 should be easy questions, if this is the Wonder Woman I’m thinking about.

Jean Grey–Marvel Girl.

She’s a telepath. She reads your mind. It all goes downhill from there…

Ghost Rider would be pretty rough I would imagine, assuming he even has the necessary parts. You get the flame issue from the human torch with a much less personable personality. Some people also feel guilty after sex - not a good idea here.

Well he’s a super-villain, but I’d imagine Spider-Man’s nemesis Sandman could give a gal some serious chafing.

Also that girl who makes you turn all rotted looking if you touch her. You’d have to wear a wetsuit to bed.

It occurs to me that a lot of these problems could be solved by properly mixing and matching partners (flamer with flamer, rotter with invincible, etc). I wonder if Tony Stark has already patterned matching algorithms to power his superhuman-oriented X-Harmony dating site. :slight_smile:

OTOH, Aquaman might be just the one you want if you are “less than fresh” and like getting cunnilingus.


Ok, shoulda more than scanned the OP. ::smacky-head smiley::

Rogue from X-men. First one I thought of.

The Human Torch might be a bit problematic for the ladies if he ever has some control issues.

One of the The Venture Bros episodes has a great quip, from one supervillain to another who is spirit-like; “Do you even have genitals anymore?”

Taking the opposite approach, consider Mr Incredible and Elasti-Girl from the Incredibles. What better match to take a pounding from a super strength man whom struggles to keep it in check than a hyper flexible woman with a body of reformable rubber?


Black Widow - she’ll kill you & eat you afterwards.

Thor - Because you’d likely want him to put the damn hammer down as the two of you are wrapping yourselves around each other. But then, you’ve got just sixty seconds before he ‘de-powers.’


[spoiler]Superman was flying across the Atlantic Ocean, and was passing by Paradise Island and happened to see Wonder Woman lying on the beach, buck naked with legs spread apart. Perhaps affected by red Kryptonite, the Man of Steel was in a dastardly mood and swooped out of the sky faster than a speeding bullet and ‘poked’ WW before she had time to react.

“Ha ha ha! Bet you didn’t see THAT coming, Wonder Woman!” cackled Supes.

“The joke’s on you, Superman. I was just fucking the Invisible Man.” [/spoiler]

What about the guy whose only power is to explode? That would make for a painful climax.

Whatever knows fear… BURNS at the Man-Thing’s touch!

NO amount of ointment will clear THAT up.