Suppressed Animosity

I was in my local Jewel’s market Sunday morning at about 7:30 am. As you can imagine, it was sparsely populated and had only one checkout line open, but there were only 4 people in front of me in the checkout line.

An old, white male who was directly in front of me suddenly turned to me and said, “Old man Biden … Trump would have had all these lines open!” Something snapped in me and I thrust my arm out with my palm up as if I was physically pushing him away and, in a loud and hostile voice I said, “DON’T! … JUST DON’T!!”
It was loudly audible in that sparsely populated and relatively quiet market, and all the people around the front looked at us. He became flushed, turned quickly forward, and never looked at me again. I was embarrassed because I apparently make a “mini-scene”, and people were probably wondering what in the world he said or did to me to evoke such a response.

In any case, I kind of shocked myself because I didn’t realize the animosity I’ve been harboring inside of me. I’ve always been confident as to how well I know myself, but do we really know ourselves as much as we think we do? I’m wondering if other people have had similar experiences.

In the parking lot of a grocery store I saw a man about to walk away from the shopping cart he’d just unloaded. It made me irrationally angry. I yelled, “it’s an asshole move to leave that cart there”.

He could have easily kicked my ass, so I was lucky he returned the cart to a collection spot. I blame my behavior on the beta blocker I take.

A comment so damn stupid almost any response was justified.

I’m wondering if he meant it as a joke jab at Trump supporters.

Man, did that backfire.

“You got that right, buddy. And he would have been working two of the lines himself, and moving both of them faster than the employees.”

A couple of weeks ago, I got into a shouting match with a couple of assholes who were vaping on a CTA bus. They insisted it wasn’t smoking. Since then, I’ve looked it up and, lo and behold, vaping on the CTA has been illegal since 2014. So I’m all set for next time.

Then, I’ll probably get shot.

But you’ll die correct dammit and that’s what matters.

I have a lot of anger and animosity and yes, I’m in therapy. It’s the buried stuff that is scary when it comes out.

I can’t blame you for that response. If someone said that to me the best I could possibly manage is “What exactly do you think the President’s job is?”

Yeah, I don’t know about animosity, but for me it’s the mockery that would be difficult to contain.

“I’m sorry, I don’t watch the news. The president is in charge of supermarket checkout lines now? Seems like a waste of his time!”

I would have settled for a simple “Fuck trump, and fuck you, asshole”, possibly in an Austrian accent, depending on my mood at the time.

Needed to be told anyway. They’ve been getting away with this “blame the liberals for everything” bullshit for too long.