This idea came from an old dream in which I walked through such doors–a broom closet with a secret door in back; a super-fancy front door to a mansion; a door off a bathroom, etc. And for a change the story is in the first person.
In the foyer of the mansion I saw a shabby door, with leather hinges and a cheap knob. I opened it and was out on the street.
I waited a few minutes for a bus and boarded it as the doors folded open. But instead of a bus I was in…
…a reunion of the cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, dressed in fishnets and singing and dancing the Timewarp where you followed the Good Dr. upstairs to his bedroom but instead found yourself…
…walking out of a topless bar on 8 Mile Road in Detroit. Standing on the sidewalk is the rap star Eminem. I walk up to him and say hello. He looks at me and says…
“Cut! You don’t have any lines here. Where do I have to go to hire some decent actors?” I turn and step into a phone booth to call my agent, and I find myself…
dressed in leotards, a cape and boots. Thinking, hmm…if I am dressed like this it must be Sunday morning and I’m on my way to church, so I leave the phone booth and cross the street where there is a church. I open the church door but instead of entering a church I enter…
A single’s bar. Where I am immediately accosted by a gaggle of transvesite vampires who ply me with sweet wine. When I wake up, hungover and woozy, I am in the middle of…
…Times Square, inexplicably still in a bed; I get laughs from cosps, muggers, pimps, street vendors alike. I can feel my face turning red. I run a short distance off the street and step onto a sidewalk elevator. I descend, not into a store’s basement, but into a rather dark chamber, lighted with small candles. I hear some innocuous female voices cooing…
…an oddly soothing slow dance version of Little Richard’s “Tuttie Frutie”. All around me were couples dressed like cast members from “Happy Days” while a never ending supply of cherry cokes and french fries with gravey (this being before the invention of cloresterol) poured out of Arnold’s carried by young girls on roller skates. So far normal enough I figured, until I realized…
… it was taking place on a section of the Great Wall of China. I frantically start running along the wall, desperately trying to get away from Potsie impersonators. I ran down a section of stairs and through a gateroom, and I found myself in…
…the elevator descending from the Metro Green Line to the transit access island in the middle of the Harbor Freeway! Five minutes after the southbound 444 bus, which has a stop half a block from my home, has already passed! :mad:
So I sit brooding until the next 444 comes by. I enter the bus normally and ride ten miles, to alight at Western and Artesia. But when I exit the bus I have actually approached…
…the entrance to Judge Judy’s courtroom. I just went along with the plaintiff andf her retinue and was sworn in and sat down. In the course of this case, involving a derelict day-care center, I listened and realized this was something I knew something about!
So when Ms. Sheindlin inquired of me, I told, simply, what I knew. She found for the plaintiff, who later thanked me–outside the courtroom–with a $20 payment. 
Exiting the studio I felt my blood run cold as I opened the exit doors and came face-to-face with…
… a huge Klingon warrior, and realized I’d just stepped onto the bridge of a Klingon Bird of Prey. After his initial surprise, he yelled, “P’Tach!” followed by some incomprehensible gibberish and started coming at me. I quickly sidestepped, ran across the bridge towards a door on the other side. I leaped through the door into…
…a bathhouse, with quite warm water in the pools. I skidded on the pool deck–I was wearing my good leather shoes–and I plunked into the shallow end of the pool, where two dozen shapley, naked young girls were frolicking. They were not embarrassed, and they laughed hearily at my mishap.
Mortified, I clambered out of the pool, shook the water from my shoes, and beat a hasty retreat toward the men’s locker room. But when I flung open the door…
…I found myself in the men’s restroom at the local Taco Bell. I turned and ran from the giant cockroaches, running right out of the building. Unfortunately, there was an open manhole outside the door, and I fell down it. Instead of landing in a nasty, smelly sewer, however, I landed…
…in a large bed alongside Joan Breastly, the most famous prostitute on the West Coast.
She greeted me with “Hi! I’m Joan Breastly, the most famous prostitute on the West Coast!”
“Is that so?” I asked, trying desperately to maintain my composure lying there next to this extremely sexy, beautiful, horny woman.
“Hey, you saw what dougie_monty keyed in at the start of this post, didn’t you?” she pointed out.
“You’re right…”
After a night of ecstasy I decided I needed to use the bathroom–not urgent, but I drank a little too much apple juice the night before. But instead of bathroom fixtures in the anteroom, I saw…
…equipment installed or just hanging on the walls, or from other equipment, suggesting a hospital emergency treatment room.
“Where am I? " I asked. “What time is it?”
The doctor first told a nurse “He’s conscious now,” then turned to me and said,” It’s now December 5. You left an apartment building and a bottle of ether landed on your head. You apaprently had a reaction to the ether and you’ve been unconscious for eleven days."
“No wonder the last post was November 24,” I said.
After I recovered and settled with Hospital Admissions, I exited the hospital atrium. But instead of the parking lot, I noticed I was now in…
…Appolo 13, the movie, not the real thing. Tom Hanks is totally pissed at me for not being in costume but rather in a fishnet body stocking. Not a good choice for a 39 yr old man in outerspace.
Totally tripping about bad Tom’s breath is, I decide to go to the commisary to get a cup of coffee. Right in front of me is Wynonna Ryder, also in a fishnet body suit (another dream of mine). As we go through the door, she turns and winks at me. Heaven! But, instead of the commisary, we find ourselves (yes, *both * of us) in…
…Room 117 of The County Line Motel in Pomona, California. I have sensibly doffed the ridiculous body stocking and am wearing plain white slacks, a gray polo shirt, and brown walking shoes. Wynona, on the other hand, was wearing just the fishnet stocking! She slips it off, and…
…slips off her mask, revealing herself to be Bea Arthur.
Panicked, I run out the motel room door and find myself underwater, in scuba (self contained underwater breathing apparatus) gear, passing thru the safety hatch of the USS George Washington, SBN-17, searching for survivors of the horrible accident. Seem the sub hit a bluefin tuna and sank.
I reach the reactor room, allow the safety doors to cycle through, and enter into…
…a wedding chapel, right at the altar, just as the minister announces, “If there be anyone present who can say why this man and this woman shall not be joined in holy wedlock, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.”
And I’m in a SCUBA suit! The wedding party, including bride, groom, minister, bridesmaids, etc., are roaring with laughter…The only thing I can do now is…