Every day, on my way to school, I pass by two strange things:
First, a house with nothing but gravel instead of grass in the front yard. Standing near the house is an old manual lawnmower, rusted beyond belief. Right behind the lawnmower is a gravestone-like sign saying, “Rust In Peace”.
After that, I pass by a sports bar. In front there’s a marquee that usually tells you what band is playing that night. For the past several weeks, the marquee has said, “Don’t Ask”.
I need to get a picture of this sign, but in Tucson there is a hair salon called “Hair & Perm” but the ampersand is sooooo big and so fancy that the sign really looks like it says “Hair Sperm”
–
Teeming Millions: http://fathom.org/teemingmillions
“Meat flaps, yellow!” - DrainBead, naked co-ed Twister chat
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com
I’ve seen that one!
Another I liked was something I saw years ago when driving through one of the more boring western states in the US. I’ve forgotten which now (maybe Nebraska?), but it was in a region where you could drive for hours without seeing anything except open prairie. No towns, no trees, nothing. Then, in the middle of nowhere, there’s an offical, DOT-type roadsign that says, “Monotonous, isn’t it?”
–
peas on earth
Seen outside Gatlinburg restaurant on theater-style marquis:
**Help Wanted
Waitresses
All You Can Eat 12.99**
(yes, really!)
Saw this one outside a souvenir store in Gulfport, Mississippi over Thanksgiving:
WE ARE GLAD
YOU ARE HERE
LIVE SHARKS
And at the North Carolina state line a couple years back:
NO PERMITTED
TRUCKS ALLOWED
I have photos of both.
My mom took a picture of a marquee outside a tanning salon in Springfield, IL:
“Free Cock Massage.”
Obviously the work of vandals, but it’s still funny. A local radio station sent a DJ there for a live remote.
Write to her and ask her to scan the pic and send you a copy. thrillseeker2000@hotmail.com
Also, on a road in northeastern Oklahoma there is one of those “Deer Xing” signs with a silhouette of a deer, only on this sign the deer has what appears to be wings! I wish I had a picture of it! I’d send it to Cecil so he could identify the genus and species of the Oklahoma Winged Deer.
Hayward: Doing our part to confuse freeway travellers!
Heading east on 80 to Sacramento, just before you get into town, there’s an actual green freeway sign with reflecting letters that says something to the effect of “Bay Ridge, Maryland - 3286 miles.” The first time I saw it, I thought “I must be crazy!” but I’ve seen it since then so I know it exists. The big question is, Why?
StoryTyler
I am too in shape! :::muttering::: Round is a shape.
C’mon up and see me sometime.
How about those While-U-Wait signs?
Hair cut while you wait anyone?
And seen from a train window somwhere west of New Orlaeans:
“You can baptise a cat a 100 times, it still won’t go to heaven”
I once lost my corkscrew and had to live on food and water for several days
(W.C. Fields)
<sigh>
I kept meaning to take a picture of it everytime I crossed the Delaware Memorial bridge into NJ but never got around to it and it’s not there anymore.
At the end of the bridge at the information center and police station was a huge sign that read:
INFORMATION
POLICE
I kept on imagining I’d be pulled over on day by a cop and grilled with trivia questions.
Peace.
I’ve seen the one on Highway 75 that says, “Hitch hikers may be escaped convicts”…
All this talk of cryptic road signs reminds me of one (actually there are many of them) that can be seen on the Oklahoma Turnpike that goes from Tulsa to the OK/MO border. It simply and surreally says, “DO NOT DRIVE INTO SMOKE.” In all the years I’ve driven that road, I have yet to see ANY smoke.
talk about monotonous…driving that stretch of road is like driving on the moon but without the pretty stars. I envision Oklahoma’s state government meeting and the governor saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, our state sucks. How can we make money off that fact?” and some advisor saying, “Eureka! We’ll make them pay to get the hell out of the state faster!”
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Also, there’s a business on I-44 outside of Joplin, MO called “Fag Bearings.”
You always wondered how they could swivel their hips like that when they dance…well, there’s your answer: Fag Bearings.
(Don’t flame me…as a bisexual I’m allowed to make fag jokes.)
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
I’ve seen billboards in Texas (Dallas/Ft. Worth area) that say “Carlsbad Caverns, Take Next Exit, then back 873 Miles” or some such distance.
Insert Random Witticism Here.
On most Interstate bridges there’s a sign at each end telling you what body of water you’re crossing.
Years ago, I was going to Ocean City, MD, which is on an barrier island. The highway sign as we crossed the last bridge to OC said “Atlantic Ocean”.
When we arrived on the other side, I told my dad, “Funny, this doesn’t look like Portugal!” 
StoryTyler asked:
Repricocity, mayhaps? Because when you leave Ocean City, MD, there’s a green freeway sign with “Sacramento, California - 3286” as one of the “x miles to” listed upon it.
JMCJ
Die, Prentiss, Die! You will never have a more glorious opportunity!
One I wish I had taken a picture of was a freeway exit sign for a town outside of Pittsburgh. Very surreal–coming across that arrow pointing off to the right with one word: Mars.
I also like the deer X-ing signs I’ve occasionally seen where someone has added a festive red reflector to the deer’s nose.
Hey! I found one:
http://www.roadtripamerica.com/places/mars.htm
In an alley in Belen, New Mexico, there is a sign that says “No trucks prohibited”. Since it has a little truck icon with the international “No” symbol superimposed on it, I think that they meant to say “No trucks” or “trucks prohibited”, and got a little confused.
Also, I seem to remember there being school crossing signs that said “Slow for children when flashing”, but if I am remembering that correctly, they have all been replaced.
My favorite surreal sign, however, is one that almost made me drive into a wall when I saw it. It was a hand-lettered sign outside a church, and it said: “Praise be unto God for His unspeakable gift”.
“That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler
Unspeakable gift! Bwahahahahaha! (this is my favorite thread since the Simpson Quotes!) The deer crossing ones are amusing, but the only one I’ve seen with an addition showed a deer that was really, REALLY glad to see you, if you know what I mean. (Not nearly as witty as the others.)
“There’s a snake in my boot!”
On the door of a pool hall in San Francisco by the name of Family Billiards: “No one under 18 allowed.”
On a marquee sign outside an army surplus shop in Albuquerque: “Prom dresses $25”
There’s a sign on Rte 1 in Orange or Milford, CT at a gas station that claims the following:
Coke with gas - $0.99
Jeremy…
Nobody ever calls me after they’ve done something smart.